Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I am really ashamed to ask such a qustion as i never planned this would happen to me.I wasnt a good follower of Islam and i was a teenager then,,i had a girlfriend...we were doing great.. we were really close to each other and shared evrything... dont think that we were like other coupls shown in Tv...the main part is we made out a lot,,and we did evrything that i cant explain by words,,but we didnt have sex...It was all planned that we will marry each other and we were desperate....months went by and we started having serious problems in our understanding...i admit im the one who misunderstands most of the time,, i have this psychological problem which was only `Obsession`,,like she said somthing wierd and all i did was think about it...i had no peace...then my obession turnd into "bipoler disorder`(which is actully in primary stage)...i got to know my father also has this disorder and he is on pills for like 20 years...but the thing i want to say is, i get really angry and i call her name when she hurts me,,,i get hurt evrytime we talk and,,all those things that happened to us in the past...i cant take the past away and the pain is so severe(u cant imagine),it made me so depressed that i wanted to kill myself a few times...i wanted to die, but i always feard suicide as its prohibited in Islam...every time me and my girlfriend tried to make things normal,,i had a severe mind problem...in my xams im failing because all im doing is thinking,,and i cant stop it...we broke up and i was doing nice being single...then i patched up with her thinking of her tears and emotions n the physical things we did....i feel like our relationship has been cursed...i cant live a day without thinking about her and my pain and all those she did to hurt me...its not her fault actually as she doesn’t always say things that are meant to make anybody feel bad,,i misunderstand her all the time...it wasnt so when we were having a nice time in the beginning of our relationship....i cant keep up with her, but im afraid of my afterlife as Allah is seriously disappointed with what we did...but during this life time all thats happening to me is painful...i dont know what to do...if i marry her in future,,we`ll surely get devorced and when i get angry i know i will beat her as i turn into an animal then...but i never thought evrything will be so difficult,,,we always dreamed of having a sweet marrid life,,i promised her to be together in afterlife but it seems to me that i shudnt have promised her,,,all i see is negative things about her...im praying to allah,,,but im sure the only solution is to stay away from her.,,,but will i be tortured for my deeds?will she be tortured? its all my fault,,i cant let her get tortured because of my psychological problem,,if it didnt happen we cudv been together in future like married couple...i hope u understood...please find me a way out. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Forming illicit relationship

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5 This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram) woman, the Shaytaan makes the third."

It is absolutely unlawful, prohibited, and unacceptable in Islam for one who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day to develop, form, or have an illicit or secret relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex. Such illicit and unlawful relationships are cursed by Allah Subhanah!

Such unlawful relationship allows the accursed enemy of man, the Shaytaan, to lead them towards the abomination and absolutely despised and grave of ‘zina’ (fornication and adultery); and Allah Subhanah has specifically and categorically commanded the believers to abstain and not even come near anything that leads towards this abomination and grave sin of ‘zina’.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:

Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!

Respected brother, thus the first and foremost thing you can and must do is turn unto your Lord Most Gracious in ‘taubah’ and seek sincere forgiveness for your transgressions…..if you indeed sincere in your ‘taubah’ it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.

If you choose not to seek ‘taubah’ and continue with your manifest transgressions, you must prepare yourself to face the Wrath of your Lord in this world and the Hereafter.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Your Question:...please find me a way out 

If you indeed with to marry the sister, do the honorable thing and approach her father/guardian and seek her hand in marriage; and if you choose not to marry the sister, leave her alone!

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan