Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

During marriage, I didn’t demand for gold or money. But my uncle told my father in law that he should give his daughter enough gold for family status.

My question is "is it a burden on me now and if i should return back that gold on my wife. Actually father in law says that he has given gold to his daughter not me" Please direct me on this. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Father gives dowry to daughter

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.

The complete financial responsibility of the upkeep of the wife after marriage is laid upon the shoulders of the husband in Islam.

The ritual of ‘dowry’ or ‘jahayz’ is customary amongst the pagan cultures today where the family of the groom demands or it is considered a requirement for the guardians of the bride to provide financial assistance, or a house, or furniture, or a car, or even cash or gold to the groom upon marriage. Such rites and rituals and requirements of dowry or ‘jahayz’ whereby the guardians of the bride are required or obliged to offer a reward to the groom is absolutely discouraged and forbidden in Islam.

The majority of the scholars in Islam are of the opinion that it is highly disliked, deplorable, and absolutely discouraged in Islam that the groom (or his family) should ever ask or demand as a condition of marriage that he be financially or materially rewarded by the guardians of the bride.

In direct contrast to dowry, Islam guides and has made it an obligatory condition of ‘Nikaah’ that a man who wishes to marry should generously fulfill the condition of ‘mehr’ and according to his means pay the demanded amount as a free gift to his bride upon marriage; and shoulder the financial responsibility of his bride thereafter.

But if the parents or guardians of the bride, absolutely without any pressure or coercion (from the groom, the groom’s family, social, cultural, etc.), and of their own free will and pleasure wish to gift their daughter or the groom with anything, there is absolutely no harm in the couple accepting such gifts from them.

But if the groom, or the grooms’ family, or social or cultural pressures demand and/or make it a condition of marriage or even expect that the guardians of the bride are required to pay something in order for the marriage to take place….then such a demand would be absolutely unjustified and unwarranted in the Sight of Shariah.

If your father-in-law, of his own will and pleasure chose to give the gold to his daughter as a gift, there is absolutely no harm; but if your father-in-law was coerced, forced, or obliged by you, or your family, or by custom to offer the gold for the marriage to take place, indeed such a demand would be unjustified and absolutely disliked and deplorable in the Sight of Shariah Law.

Your uncle indeed did wrong in demanding or suggesting that the father of your bride give a gift of gold for family status at the time of your marriage; and if you sincerely believe that the only reason your father-in-law gave the gift was under coercion, you should, with absolute humility and with wisdom, offer to return the gold given back unto him. It is entirely upto your father-in-law if he wishes to accept the returned gold or not….but to sincerely make an effort to return the unwarranted gift back to him would be considered piety and righteousness on your part in the Sight of your Lord.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan