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As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I haved asked my husband for a divorce 3 times but refused... are we divorced?

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Answer:

Wife asks husband to divorce thrice

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 128-130:

128    If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed.  But if ye do good and practice self-restraint Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

129    Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air).  If ye come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

130    But if they disagree (and must part through divorce) Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: for Allah is He that careth for all and is Wise.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verses 229-231:

229    A divorce is only permissible twice: after that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness.  It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts (from your wives) except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah.  If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them.  If any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah such persons wrong (themselves as well as others).

230    So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably) he cannot after that remarry her until after she has married another husband and he has divorced her.  In that case there is no blame on either of them if they reunite provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah.  Such are the limits ordained by Allah which He makes plain to those who understand.

231    When ye divorce women and they fulfil the term of their (`Iddat) either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them or to take undue advantage; if anyone does that He wrongs his own soul.  Do not treat Allah's Signs as a jest but solemnly rehearse Allah's favors on you and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and Wisdom for your instruction.  And fear Allah and know that Allah is well acquainted with all things.

When a divorce is initiated by the wife in a marriage, it is known in Fiqh or Islamic Jurisprudence terms as a Khula divorce. 

There are basically three ways for a wife to seek a divorce:

Ask her husband that she no longer wishes to remain his wife, and the husband accedes to her request and pronounces a divorce on her.

If the husband refuses to divorce her, she has the right to Initiate a divorce proceedings in a Shariah Court, whereby the Judge will study the conditions and reasons for seeking divorce, and then summon the husband and give him an option: either he accedes to the wife's divorce request and pronounces divorce on her, or the Court will use its authority and divorce the couple.

If the husband does not pronounce the divorce and the Judge sees valid reason for divorce, he has the authority to divorce the couple.

If it is the woman who initiates the divorce or khula in marriage, she will be required to repay the husband back the mehr he paid her at the time of nikaah, unless of course the husband, of his own will, wishes to let his wife keep the mehr he paid her.  But if the husband initiates the divorce, it is absolutely forbidden for him to demand any payment or recompense of the mehr or any other gifts he might have given his wife during their marriage.

Now to answer your specific question:

I haved asked my husband for a divorce 3 times but refused... are we divorced?

Your asking for divorce does not constitute a valid divorce in Islamic jurisprudence. Only your husband can divorce you by pronouncing it even once. Therefore your marriage is yet secure and you should refrain from such utterances, because marriage is a sacred institution and it should be respected.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173  Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

The Prophet (saws) said: Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172  Narrated by Muharib

The Prophet (saws) said: Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.

Amongst all the permissible things in Islam, the most detestable and hated in the Sight of Allah Subhanah is divorce.  Thus, if the woman is seeking to initiate a divorce against her husband for a valid reason, there would be no sin upon her; but if she seeks to initiate a divorce upon her husband without an absoluetly valid reason, it would indeed be considered a sin.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218  Narrated by Thawban

The Prophet (saws) said: If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, (even) the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her!

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

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