Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I m a 17 year old girl born and brought up in a very religious family. My problem now is that i am in love with a person(for the sake of Allah). We both are really serious about each other. my boyfriend is also a religious person. infact after him coming into my life, he made me more religious. we both believe that we are not doing anything wrong but still fear Allah`s punishment. He has never even tried to touch me or talk to me indecently even when there were chances. his good attitudes and islamic behaviour is what i saw in him. but my parents are not ready to accept it. they dont listen to me what i have to say about him but abuses him calling him names.

Still he respects my parents alot. in this world it is really hard to find a religious educated person, i dunno what to do. Please help me. how can i make my parents understand how a good person he is. Please help me.

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Answer:

Parents refusal to marry girls choice

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verse 54:

54 It is He Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships through blood and (through) marriage: for thy Lord has Power (over all things).

Islam guides that a marriage is not merely a union of two people who love each other, but rather a sacred union that unites two whole families….thus if one is faced with a situation whereby their daughter is so in ‘love’ with an eligible, righteous, God-fearing, pious suitor; and the parents of the girl are satisfied with the character and the practice of religion of the boy…..the parents of the girl should accede with the lawful choice and request of their daughter.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

Parents who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day should be overjoyed and privileged that their daughter seeks to marry a God-fearing and pious man!

Respected sister in Islam, if you can convince your parents to approve and give their consent, then indeed marry the man whom you love; but if you are unable to obtain the consent of your parents to marry that particular man, marry another man whom both you and your parents approve of……but whatever the case, do not disobey your parents, for marriage is but a voluntary act in Islam, but to obey the lawful commands of one’s parents is an absolutely obligatory duty of every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise and your Hell!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)

(4) And to give a false witness."

Second only to absolute gravest sin and abomination of ‘shirk’ (associating others with Allah Subhanah) in gravity of sins in the Sight of Allah Subhanah is the disobedience to the lawful commands of one’s parents!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:

216 ……But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth and ye know not.

Respected Sister, if you do not approve of your parents choice, and your parents do not approve of your choice, then marry someone else whom both you and your parents approve of….but under absolutely no situation would it be considered righteousness for a believing woman to arrange her own marriage without the approval and consent of her parents.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3137 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman may not give a woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage, for the immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage."

The parents too have a duty towards the well-being of their children in Islam, and if the parents are satisfied with the character and practice of religion of the believer who has sent the proposal, and find that their daughter wishes to agree to that proposal…..the parents should give their consent to the marriage.

Islam guides that neither the parents should force their daughter to marry someone she does not wish to marry; nor should the daughter force her parents to accept her choice.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan