Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Thanks for providing us the knowledge From Quraan and Hadiths...I have been regular reading many Q`s&A`s, which helped me in increasing my knowledge about ISLAAM..with help of yours i forward Hadiths to many of friends and relatives. May Allah Bless you all in this world and hereafter..

Here are my few questions:

1. Once my Husband and i had a fight, and it was between me and him. He called up to his Mom and sister and said many things about me for just insulting me in front of them and they too Very likely insulted me pointing out many bad qualities about me...i felt very hurt because i dont and never complain about my Husband or any of my in-laws to my parents. i showed him many hadiths with example of Prophet (S.A.W)(P.B.U.H)..still whenever we have much or less fight he always threat me saying shall i call your parents. I feel very hurt..I love him alot..and have respect for him.I kindly request you to provide me with more Hadith and Quraan Verses from which i can show my Husband as How much respect was there in heart of our Phrophet (S.A.W).

2. Can one help there parent`s without knowing to husband?

3. Husband’s mom saying husband to behave indifferent to wife as he behaves with her...is it right inn islaam to say this...?

I will be waiting for your reply. Thanks. JazakAllahuKhair. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Husband wife duties relationship

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Q-:……I kindly request you to provide me with more Hadith and Quraan Verses from which i can show my Husband as How much respect was there in heart of our Phrophet (S.A.W).

The sacred institution of marriage in Islam is not a union between two people who compete against each other, but rather complement each other in their partnership, who develop and maintain the love and mercy between them that Allah Subhanah has created for them in their marriage, and strive together as a team to live a life of peace, harmony and tranquility under the fear and guidance of Allah.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

If one truly seeks guidance in one’s marriage, there is no better recipe for peace, harmony and tranquility in one’s relationship with one’s spouse in marriage than the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.’

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 284 Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn Ali

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’

Amongst the obligatory rights that are due from a husband to his wife in marriage are that he honor her, love her, cherish her, be kind, generous and merciful towards her, protect her, and provide for her complete upkeep according to his means.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34   Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husband’s honor, property, etc.)

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority (wife, children, servants, employees, etc.) will not enter Paradise."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

In return for everything the husband does for the wife in the sacred bond of marriage, the guidance of Islam commands and guides the wife to be grateful and devoutly obedient to all the lawful wishes of her husband.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.28 Narrated by Ibn Abbas

The Prophet (saws) said: "I was shown the Hell-Fire and found that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah? (or are they ungrateful to Allah?)” He (saws) replied, "They are not thankful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors done to them. Even if you were to do good to one of them all your life, when she seems some harshness from you, she will say, "I have never seen any good from you!"

Q-2: Can one help there parent`s without knowing to husband?

Islam guides that one should fulfill all their due rights, duties and responsibilities towards each party without affecting the due rights of the other party. For example, it is not allowed for the husband (or the wife) to take the rights due to their parents and offer them to their spouse; nor is it allowed for them to take the rights due to their spouse and offer them to their parents. The rights of each party must be honored without affecting the rights of the other!

Just as the woman has been prescribed her duties and responsibilities towards her husband, she also has to fulfill her duties unto her own parents. No husband has a right to prevent their wife from fulfilling her responsibilities towards her parents, especially if they see that the wife is striving her best to fulfill all the rights due to her husband.

Thus in a scenario where both the husband and wife fear Allah, a situation should never arise where the husband has to fulfill his duties unto his parents or his relatives on the ‘sly’ whereby his wife does not find out; nor should the wife have to fulfill her duties unto her parents and her relatives on the ‘sly’!

But if the wife fears that her husband will get upset if she were to fulfill her duties or help her parents or her relatives, she is well within her rights to help her parents and/or her relatives and not necessarily disclose it to her husband.

Q-3: Husband`s mom saying husband to behave indifferent to wife as he beheaves with her...is it right inn islaam to say this...?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority (wife, children, servants, employees, etc.) will not enter Paradise."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

Allah and His Messenger (saws) have commanded the believing husband to love, honor, respect, and cherish their wives…..and no one in creation, even if that individual happens to be one’s own mother, has a right to command another to disobey the Command of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

Even if one’s own mother commands her son (or her daughter) to ill-behave towards their spouse, the son (or daughter) who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day are not obey this unlawful command of their mother.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan