Wife not obeying laws and husband.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Asalamualikum, I recently got married to my second
cousion with the wish of our parents. Before marriage I asked my parents how
she is(as I am living outside home from last 10 years and had seen her last in
2001) about her and was told that she prays five times a day, reads Quran and
fasts in Ramadan. After marriage I came to know that my wife is wearing jeans
and tops/shirts with half slvees, visits beauty parlour for hair cut and other
things, usually doesn`t cover her head/hair, has a facebook/orkut account with
lot of pictures of her, shakes hands with men. I feel these things are not
allowed in Islam leaving cutting hair. I told her yesterday that Islam doesn`t
allow women to remove eyebrows and you have to stop this and she stopped
talking to me giving reason I am doing this from 12th standard. Previously I told
her no to wear jeans and same reaction, she stopped for sometime and now she
has started again. I am really confused and stressed with this, what to do and
how to handle this. Please provide me guidance in the light of Islam. May Allah
bless you for helping me.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
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Answer:
Wife not obeying
laws and husband
In the name of Allah,
We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah
guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide
them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah
Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the
seal of His Messengers.
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws)
said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family
status, her beauty and her religion. So
you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."
Respected brother in Islam, the
time to investigate the character and the practice of the deen of the woman is
not after one has already married the woman, but rather before one decides to
marry the woman!
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
34
Men are the
protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than
the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are
devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have
them guard (their chastity, their husband’s honor, property, etc.)
The sacred institution of
marriage in Islam is a union between two people who develop and maintain the
love and mercy between them that Allah Subhanah has created for them in their
marriage, and strive together as a team to live a life of peace, harmony and
tranquility under the fear and guidance of Allah.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:
21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect.
If one truly seeks guidance in
one’s marriage, there is no better recipe for peace, harmony and tranquility in
one’s relationship with one’s spouse in marriage than the guidance of Allah and
His Messenger (saws).
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent
behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their
wives.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah
ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am
the best among you to my family."
Sahih Muslim Hadith
3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn
al-'As
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of
the world is the pious woman.’
Sahih Muslim Hadith
3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if
he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq
The Prophet (saws)
said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's
Messenger (peace be upon him) was asked which woman was best he replied,
"The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he
gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or
property by doing anything of which he disapproves."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before
another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her
husband.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
284 Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn
Ali
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she
should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter
If one finds oneself in a
marriage where the wife is disobedient even to the lawful commands of her
husband, the remedies which Islam prescribes before one reaches for the
ultimate solution of divorce are as follows:
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 34-35:
34 …… As to those women on whose
part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct admonish them (first), (next) refuse to
share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to
obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High
Great (above you all).
35 If ye fear a breach between them twain appoint (two) arbiters one
from his family and the other from hers; if they wish for peace Allah will
cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge and is acquainted
with all things
- Admonish them: talk to her with wisdom and
with patience, and let her know politely but firmly that her attitude of
constant disobedience is not helping her cause in the marriage.
- Refuse to share her bed: As much as this would
sound like a sacrifice and punishment for the man, the truth is there is
no bigger pain for the nature of a woman than for her husband to refuse to
have sexual intercourse with her! Thus if the polite admonishments for a
considerable period of time still do not seem to get the desired result,
one may move to the next level and refuse to share the beds with his wife
until she turns to obedience. Any
woman, who sincerely wishes to save her marriage, would or should strive
to change her rebellious attitude at this stage.
- If after admonishment and the refusal to share
her bed for a considerable period of time still brings about absolutely no
change in her rebellious attitude, Islam has allowed the husband to
lightly ‘beat’ his wife as a sign of their utter disgust. Please note that this is not a license
for the husband to beat his wife ‘black-and-blue’……on the contrary, the
husband should fear Allah and exercise this option of light beating only
and only if he is absolutely confident that it might bring about a severe
improvement in the rebellious attitude of his wife and thus enable them to
save their marriage.
- If all of the above three steps bring about no
improvement, the absolute penultimate step is to appoint two
arbitrators….one from the husband’s side and one’s from the wife’s side
and the couple may come to a mutual understanding.
- If even that fails, then the only choice left
is to permanently separate from each other through the institution of
divorce!
Sunan of Abu-Dawood
Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘Of all the lawful acts in Islam, the most detestable to Allah is
divorce.’
Sunan of Abu-Dawood
Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’
Whatever written of
Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever
of error is of me alone. Allah Alone
Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister