Rights of parents and wife.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Hai brother pls tell me iam having a problem my wife and
my parents are not liking each other al ways iam facing problem i tried to do
justice for both but nothing is resolving so in this scenerio what to do now
iam unable to tolerate this fights pls give some advise what to do.
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Answer:
Rights of parents
and wife
In the name of Allah,
We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah
guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide
them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah
Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the
seal of His Messengers.
One cannot over-emphasize the
importance and significance of the enjoinment of service to one’s parents by
Allah and His Messenger (saws) in Islam!
In addition to the service of one’s parents, Islam has also made it an
obligatory duty of the man to fulfill his lawful rights due to his wife and
children; and piety and righteousness dictates that one fears Allah their Lord,
and strives to fulfill the due rights of each party in full without effecting or
usurping the rights of the other.
But if one finds oneself in the
unfortunate situation where one has to choose between one’s parents and one’s
wife, then without an iota of a doubt, the rights due to one’s parents in Islam
far far exceed the rights due to one’s wife.
Ref: Rights due to parents
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with
great kindness; if either or both of
them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother
bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show
gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:
36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to
parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors
who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what
your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O
Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their
children?" He (saws) replied, "They
are (or your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Muslim
Hadith 6189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said: ‘Let him be humbled into dust!
Let him be humbled into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws),
who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He
who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them,
but he does not enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn
Jahimah
Jahimah came to the
Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a
military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and
when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws)
said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb)
derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah).
So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin),
Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e.
severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with
him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?"
They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said,
"To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to
one's parents."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Ref: Rights due to one’s wife
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34 (part):
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they
support them from their means. Therefore
the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the
husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard(their honor, their
property, etc.).
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21:
And of Allah’s Sign is
that He has created for you wives from your own species, so that you may find peace with them, and (Allah has) created love and mercy
between you. Surely in this there are
many Signs for those who reflect.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah
ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am
the best amongst you to my family.”
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3264 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said,"The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who
have the best disposition, and the best of you are those who are best to their
wives."
Your Question: …..i tried to do justice for both but
nothing is resolving so in this scenerio what to do now iam unable to tolerate
this fights pls give some advise what to do.
Respected brother in Islam, one of the things that gives the Shaytaan the
most satisfaction is when he instigates or creates a misunderstanding between
the husband and the wife in the sacred bond of marriage. Thus what we need to do is, first and
foremost, be aware of this avowed enemy of ours, recognize him, and constantly
seek the protection of Allah Subhanah from the Shaytaan.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 35 Surah Fatir verse 6:
6 Verily the Shaytaan is an enemy to you:
so treat him as an enemy! He only
invites his adherents that they may become companions of the Blazing Fire.
Respected brother, the things
you need to do to make sure the relationship between your two loved ones remain
good and cordial are:
- Fear Allah, no matter where you are, and in
whatever you say and do.
- You must realize that there might develop a
natural state of jealousy between the mother and the wife over their love
for you. No matter what happens,
practice extreme patience and never let the Shaytaan make you say or do an
act on impulse which you might regret later.
- Find an opportune moment at the start of the
marriage, and have a frank but polite talk with your wife explaining that
you are bound by the Laws of Allah Subhanah to be unconditionally obedient
to your parents. If the woman is
pious and God-fearing, she will understand and appreciate your honesty and
respect for your parents, and will apply patience and wisdom in her
relationship with her mother-in-law.
- Seek the constant protection of Allah Subhanah
from the evil designs of the Shaytaan, who always tries to sow discord
between the loved ones; especially between the husband and the wife.
Respected brother, one thing you
must never ever do in a dispute between one’s mother and one’s wife is take
sides; for that will do nothing but give the Shaytaan the opportunity to
enflame the discord even more. Be
extremely patient, and with wisdom and ‘hikmah’ listen attentively to both
parties; and seek the forgiveness of Allah Subhanah for both of them. But if a situation arises where you are left
with absolutely no choice, then you must choose to side with your mother and
explain to your wife that you are bound by the Laws of Allah Subhanah to be
unconditionally obedient to your parents.
If one can understand and accept
two Divine social laws when starting his family, he will never have a problem
in his family relations, Insha Allah.
The problem is that Shaytaan has made these two laws in todays ungodly
and ignorant world so politically incorrect and socially unacceptable, that man
has brought upon himself this misery of family disputes in his life through the
disobedience of these two Divine Laws:
Law #1: It is a
prescribed duty and a commandment that the believing man (and woman) has to be
unconditionally obedient to his parents in absolutely all matters, except if
his parents command him to disobey Allah and His Messenger (saws).
Proof from the Quran and Sunnah:
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with
great kindness; if either or both of
them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the Biggest of the Great Sins?" They
said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws)
was asked about the Great Sins. He
(saws) said, "They are:--
(1 ) To join others
in worship with Allah,
(2) To be
undutiful to one's parents,
(3) To kill a
person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of
murder),
(4) And to give a
false witness."
Law #2: It is
the prescribed duty and a commandment to the believing woman to be obedient to
her husband, except if he commands her to disobey Allah and His Messenger
(saws).
Proof from the Quran and Sunnah:
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34 (part):
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they
support them from their means. Therefore
the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the
husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate
himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate
herself before her husband.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her,
she will enter
May Allah Subhanah make your
trial easy for you, and give you and us all the guidance, the wisdom, and the
courage to live by His Laws and within His Defined Boundaries. If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of
Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of never ever being misled;
but if one believes, obeys and follows
any other guidance, other than that of
Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can
be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of
Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever
of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows
Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister