Salamalikum wrwb, I have been waiting for years to ask these questions as I do not have a means to ask a scholar or imam & these are very sensitive questions. I am a 21 year old muslim girl from UK. I have a number of questions to ask & would deeply appreciate it if you could answer them all for me. Jazakallah firdous in advance. 1. I made promises to Allah in the past such as promising not to listen to music, however I broke many promises & don’t know how many, so will fasting for 3 days suffice for all those promises I made? I am a student who has student loans so can I give money to feed 10 people using that loan money which has interest on it? [I have no choice but to take out a loan to study & my family actually live on this as my dad does not have a job & we have no other support]. Or can I not use this money since it’s not really mine but the bank’s? Thus do I fast for 3 days to atone for all the oaths I broke? Please can you clarify this matter for me. 2. I have backbit & even lied about many things in life & about people too. I have repented sincerely for it all but is that enough to remove my sins? Also, I lied about my dreams in the past [when I was less god-fearing]; would repentance remove this big sin? 3. This is where my questions will now become personal & sensitive. I became baligh at the age of 12 years. However, when I Just turned 9 years old, I was molested by my mum’s nephew who [was a fully grown man in his mid-twenties at the time]. Since I was a child, immature & reckless, I never listened to my mum when she told me not to go near men. Most of the time I forgot her warnings & lessons, & as a result I became a victim of molestation. I was threatened by the molester to not tell anyone about this & for years I kept quiet about it but then I finally told my mum & sister [I only told them; my dad would kill me if he found out as he believes it is a woman’s fault for being victimized]. I have been depressed & emotionally unstable for over 9 years now. & instead of supporting me through my hardships & my trauma [I have clinical depression & trichotillomania for over 9 years too], my mum & sister started to Blame me for being molested even though it is not my fault. They also called me a sinner because of it & called me “impure, tart/whore, rude, flirt” because of being molested. I am a chaste, virgin muslim girl who has never had any haram relationships with men & I would never go near zina Yet my own mum & sister slandered my purity by saying those things. They broke my heart by showing how they see me as a tart etc, instead of seeing me as a victim of molestation. I would like to know what do I do about this? I am totally despaired & already have suffered so many years from depression & still do. My depression has become worse & I have locked myself in my room for days because I cannot bear to talk or see my mum or sister’s faces after knowing how they gave me no emotional support, & how they blamed me for being molested & calling me a whore child, thus slandering my purity too; I am Virgin and Chaste. I am also finding it very hard to get over this & forgive them Please can I have your view on this matter – about what my mum & sister said, & what I should do. I don’t know how to cope. I am trying my best to be patient but my depression is making me insane! There is not a single day where I don’t cry. 4. I wish to marry in future because I feel very empty inside & loveless, especially after how my mum & sister treated me recently. My family have not been very emotionally supportive to me throughout my life. My father beat me ever since I was a child till this age where I am baligh [& he still will not stop his abusiveness. He even said so]. I have many mental & emotional scars for many reasons now. Firstly because I was molested, secondly because I was bullied my entire life, thirdly because I was beaten by my dad ever since I was a child, & lastly because my trichotillomania has made me ugly & I am emotionally vulnerable & depressed as a result of everything. I also have a deep fear of men because I feel like they are all evil, lustful, abusive & they only want to use a woman & then replace her. However, I know I cannot generalise so thus I pray to Allah to grant me a pious loving husband in future. Is it right for my father to keep hitting me even though I am baligh? Is it right for my family to be hurting me so much, emotionally? 5. Following from the fourth point, if I wish to marry I prefer not to marry my own race because it reminds me of the molester who was also of my own race. I also find No attraction in my own race at all, as a result. So I told my mum & sister a while ago, that if I marry, I want to marry someone of a different race. They said they will Not allow this & said that if I do marry out of my race, they will beat me & then disown me. They also said that they will Prevent me from marrying because they know that I will not marry someone of my own race. Is it right for my family to think like this? & to do this to me? & what do I do? 6. If my family force me not to marry, I fear I will give into my urges of masturbating which I have done for years but recently quit, but I don’t know how long I can control myself for. I lower my gaze, I am a modest & chaste girl, I would never do zina, I also Fasted YET this does not reduce my sexual desire. I also crave to be loved & deeply do want to marry a pious loving & chaste man, but my family will not allow me to marry unless it is someone of my own race. But I will not marry someone of my own race because I remember the molester & I also find no attraction towards men of my race. The men of my race are also very cultural & I do not like this either. So I have many reasons for not wanting to marry my race. I fear that I will masturbate again after knowing that I am not allowed to marry anymore. I have tried fasting but it does not work. I am stuck & feeling so much pain inside my heart. I cried while writing all of this. I simply don’t know how to live properly anymore. Please can you help me on this matter. What do I do? Will I get sin for masturbating if I’m not allowed to marry? Please can you answer all my questions. I know there is a lot but I have waited Years to ask these questions. Could you also email your reply to me [in case I do not receive the link to my question which you answered]? Jazakallah firdous again. May Allah SWT bless you & your family. Salamalikum wrwb. Sadia