Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamu Alaikum.

I had to make this a long message as I want you to know my background first. About my previous self: My upbringing and surroundings were predominantly in a Non muslim background (schooling, neighbours & friends) and my family taught me little about Islam (except about prayer, Quran and few other things). In College, I fell in love with a muslim and we were very close to each other. We love each other a lot and are very commit ted. We also had sex several times during college. Our families also got to know about it as I became pregnant and had an abortion also in college.

After that we both got a job but where working in different place. He told my family that we will get married after his job confirmation, but things kept getting delayed. His parents were totally against him marrying me because they thought I was an indecent girl and committed adultery and also mainly because they are very rich in property & money in comparison to my family. The marriage was delayed as he was finding it very difficult to convince his parents for the marriage and his parents always wanted to stop this. Finally after 3 yrs after working, his parents some what agreed and the marriage is now fixed and announced in all our relatives also. I recently found a job outside my home country and came here.

Recently, I was enlightened by a friend about Islam and I was struck by awe with our wonderful religion. Masha Allah! I have started learning the religion for the 1^st time in my life and want to lead an Islamic life here after. I started asking my other relatives about Islam and praying. My lover is a muslim but he does not pray / practice the religion though he believes in Allah. His parents obviously still dislike me and some times talk ill /dirty of me. He loves his parents a lot at the same time he wants to marry me.

Now, I regret for all that I’ve done and would like to follow the correct path here after. I would like to have a partner along with whom I can follow Islam and can learn more about Islam (which I am doubtful I can do with him as his focus is everything in life and not Islam 1^st) though he will not oppose me following the religion.

My family says that I should marry him only because 1. I have committed adultery with him & 2. Our wedding has been announced to all relatives / society and every one know that we have been in a relationship for 8 yrs now (from 1^st year college) and hence, no one will come forward to marry me later.

I feel that he is not the type of partner I now want (I want one whose Eeman is high, prays, knows & wants to learn more about Islam, trusts Allah completely and follow Islam). I know he is not like that and 20it will be difficult to follow the religion with him as he is casual and not religious as such. More over, I’m not sure how far he will support me if his parents ill treat me. Should I go ahead with the marriage? Please reply by email at the earliest.

Allah Hafiz.

You write in all your replies that "Who ever Allah guides, no body can misguide.." and I truly think that Allah has guided me and saved me from the fire of hell where I may have gone if I continued to lead the life I was previously living.

This mail is extremely personal and this is the 1st time I'm writing to you. Please keep my identity confidential.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Chose to marry religious pious men

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: Should I go ahead with the marriage?

Respected sister in Islam, although a nikaah between any two non-mehram eligible believers would be lawful in the Sight of Shariah Law, the Messenger of Allah advised and recommended the believing woman and her guardians/parents to seek to marry their girls to a believer who fulfills two criteria:

1. That the person is sound in his practice of religion
2. That the person has a good character.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

Respected sister in Islam, if Allah Subhanah has blessed you with His Mercy and opened your heart to the Truth of Islam, and you have made up your mind to make your Hereafter your priority…..it would only be prudence that you follow the invaluable advice and recommendation of the Noble Prophet (saws) and seek to marry someone with whose character and practice of religion you are thoroughly satisfied with.

If you marry a person with whose character and practice of religion you are not thoroughly satisfied with, it is possible that you would put your faith (and your Hereafter) in a severe trial by living with him. And Allah Alone Knows Best.

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan