Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamoalaikum,
 
I'm a Muslim Alhamdulillah but there have been a few issues that have been bothering me recently. Why is divorcing your spouse so difficult for a wife when its much easier for the husband, who just has to say talaaq a few times. Why does the wife have to go to court to get a divorce? and secondly why is it that men can so freely marry 4 women, i understand its because of the high numbers of women in the times of Our Prophet (saws) but is there nothing in our Religion that stops men marrying so many women when the women are unhappy about it? Why do  i feel like our Religion is anti-female no a daily basis? Yes we had voting rights before the west, but why do i feel like men can take advantage of the women??

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Answer:

Why women not allowed to declare divorce

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your statement: I'm a Muslim Alhamdulillah but there have been a few issues that have been bothering me recently.

Respected sister in Islam, each and every Command of Allah and His Messenger (saws) is based on the Absolute Knowledge and the Perfect Wisdom of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme. There is absolutely no harm if one who has professed belief in Allah and the Last Day to strive to search and study the wisdom behind the Commands or Guidance of Shariah….but it would simply not befit the character of a believer to have an ‘issue’ or hold an ‘adverse opinion’ regarding any matter which has been declared or decided or Decreed by Allah and His Messenger (saws)…..

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzaab verse 36:

It does not behove a believing man and a believing woman that when Allah and His Messenger have given their decision in a matter, they should exercise an option in that matter of theirs. For whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, has indeed strayed into manifest error.

Your Question: Why is divorcing your spouse so difficult for a wife when its much easier for the husband, who just has to say talaaq a few times. Why does the wife have to go to court to get a divorce?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 237:

237 And if ye divorce them before consummation but after the fixation of a dower for them then the half of the dower (is due to them) unless they remit it. Or (the man's half) is remitted by him in whose hands is the marriage tie; and the remission (of the man's half) is the nearest to righteousness. And do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that ye do.

In His Perfect and Absolute Wisdom, the Lord Most Supreme has bestowed the marriage ties in the hands and custody of the husband. It is the husband in Shariah Law who has a right to declare or pronounce a divorce upon his wife; if the wife seeks a divorce in a marriage, she either has to ask her husband to declare a divorce upon her, or she may approach a Shariah Court and request the Judge to free her from the marriage by declaring a divorce.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their modesty, their chastity, their husband’s honor, their husband’s property, etc.)

Islam has placed the complete financial responsibility for the upkeep of the women on the shoulders of the men. It is the husband in Islam who is required to bear the complete expense related to the marriage, pay the obligatory ‘mehr’ unto his bride, bear the complete expense of the ‘walima’ or the marriage banquet, etc.

If the husband, in whose hands Allah Subhanah has placed the marriage tie decides to declare a divorce unto his wife, he obviously would have to bear a substantial financial loss unto himself……thus he would have to think hard and twice before taking the decision to divorce his wife.

If the wife had been given the exact same right to declare a divorce as the husband in a marriage, it is possible that after receiving the gifts and the ‘mehr’, etc…..the wife could indeed declare the divorce the very next moment after the ‘nikaah’, thus leaving the husband to face and bear a substantial financial loss!

Thus, apart from the natural difference is the bestowed emotional faculties of the man and the woman, one amongst the wisdoms behind bestowing the ties of a marriage in the hands and the custody of the husband seems to be (in this instance) the protection of the rights of the husband. And Allah Alone Knows Best.

Your Question: and secondly why is it that men can so freely marry 4 women

Please find the attached answer 7742 which addresses this specific question from our archives.

Your Question: ……i understand its because of the high numbers of women in the times of Our Prophet (saws) but is there nothing in our Religion that stops men marrying so many women when the women are unhappy about it?

Respected sister in Islam, if one sincerely studies the pagan societies before the advent of Prophet Mohamed (saws) and Islam….and indeed even as recently as about only a hundred years ago amongst the non-believing peoples and nations….one would realize that it is, was extremely common amongst the nobles and the wealthy to have multiple wives.

It is indeed a grave misconception that it was Islam or Prophet Mohamed (saws) who started or initiated the concept of polygamy…..the truth is that because of the natural polygamous nature of men, since time immemorial, polygamy was an accepted practice in almost all societies of the world.

Another grave misconception is that polygamy was practiced or legalized because the women heavily outnumbered the men during the times of the Prophet (saws)! The truth sister is that most of the nobles and the wealthy at the time of the Prophet (saws), believers and disbelievers alike, had multiple wives….some as many as ten or even more! When the Command of the Lord Most Majestic of Surah Nisaa limiting the believers to an absolute maximum of four wives was revealed in Madinah, a vast number of the believers had to divorce their ‘excess’ wives to comply with the Law……this defies the existing false logic and notion that polygamy was legalized by Islam to limit the number of single women in society…..the truth is that the Command of the Lord limiting the believers to an absolute maximum of four wives, in effect, increased the number of single women in the believing society of the times!

Your Question: ……is there nothing in our Religion that stops men marrying so many women when the women are unhappy about it?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3 (part):

…..Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one."

The Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘…..marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible, etc. one finds a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many wives as one wishes!

Islam guide the believers to fear Allah, and if and only if they were absolutely confident of doing justice between all their wives, should they exercise their option of taking the responsibility of marrying more than one wife.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.’

Respected sister, such is the natural polygamous nature bestowed on men, that if one amongst the men wishes the ‘companionship’ of more than one woman, there is very little one can do to stop him. If one cannot do so lawfully, one would find ways to do so unlawfully!!!

If one looks at the peoples or societies who do not fear Allah, unlawful affairs and ‘extra-marital’ relationships are overwhelmingly rampant…..in one recent poll in a nation like America, almost 90% of married men claimed to have had at least one ‘extra-marital’ relationship during their marriage (and the commentator of the poll suggested in jest that the other 10% were liars!!!)

Islam has not commanded the believers to practice polygamy, but rather only given an option and a permission to the believers who wish to do so…..with the strict condition that they should fear Allah and be absolutely just and equal amongst their wives.

One only has to compare the insignificant percentage of the believers who truly fear Allah and practice polygamy lawfully to the percentage of people who do not fear Allah and have secret extra-marital relationships to put the issue of ‘polygamy’ into proper perspective!

Your Question: Why do  i feel like our Religion is anti-female no a daily basis? Yes we had voting rights before the west, but why do i feel like men can take advantage of the women?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their modesty, their chastity, their husband’s honor, their husband’s property, etc.)

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise."

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5128 Narrated by AbuSa'id al-Khudri

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If anyone (is bestowed) with three daughters, cares for them, disciplines them, marries them off, and does good to them, he will go to Paradise.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again): ‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’. I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again: ‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.’

How can a religion which Commands and Guides its followers to treat their womenfolk like precious princesses and relates their treatment with and of them in this world as a condition of their entrance into Paradise in the next……. makes it an absolutely obligatory duty of its male followers to completely provide for them, for their food, their clothing, their accommodation, their upkeep, and the fulfillment of their every lawful wish and fancy from their cradle to their very grave (from her birth to her youth (her father), married life (her husband), old age (her sons)) possibly be ‘anti-female’???

In His Absolute and Perfect Knowledge and Wisdom the Lord Most Just has bestowed rights on each gender, in exact accordance and in perfect balance with its bestowed nature! To assume, leave alone believe or propagate, (and I seek refuge in Allah from even saying this!) that there is a disparity or discrimination or even an iota of injustice originated from the ‘Supreme Office’ of the Lord Who Created would be gross misguidance and utter ungratefulness, to say the least!

Respected sister in Islam, we do not deny that there might be (and are!) people who might have professed belief in Allah and the Last Day, who might even be recognized as believers, who do not fear Allah and take advantage, or abuse, or oppress, or even tyrannize their womenfolk under their authority…..but it would be utter injustice to blame the Laws of Islam for the acts and deeds of some men who call themselves muslims, but they neither fear Allah nor His Day of Tribunal!

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 21 Surah Anbiyaa verse 47:

47 We shall set up Scales of Justice for the Day of Judgment so that not a soul will be dealt with unjustly in the least. And if there be (no more than) the weight of a mustard seed, We will bring it (to account): and enough are We to take account!

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6251 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Do you know who is a ‘muflis’ (abjectly poor or one who is totally bankrupt)?’ They (the Companions (r.a.) of the Prophet (saws)) said: ‘A ‘muflis’ amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth.’ He (the Prophet (saws)) said: ‘The ‘muflis’ of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakah but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others, unlawfully consumed the wealth of others, shed the blood of others, and beat others. His virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account (of his mis-deeds), then their sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire!’

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan