My mother is not practicing strict islam? Now in this case if she threatens my wife that she would ask me (son) to divorce my wife and I have to obey her as it is commanded by Prophet (PBUH). In this case what am I supposed to do. Should I divorce my wife if commanded by my mother?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Assalamu-Alaikum,
Q1: I wanted to marry Islamic way but, my mother strongly suppressed me and my
marriage was 80% un-Islamic way contradicting with Prophet’s sunnah, I was
helpless then because even all of my relatives suppressed me along with my
mother. My Question is whether its allowed to remarry the same girl (my Wife)
in Islamic way?
Q2: The bride`s relatives told me that without any demand or compulsion by my
mother they have given some 40 sovereign of Gold along with the TV, Cot,
Fridge, etc… My Question is should I repay the calculated amount to the bride or
to her Brother (Saala) who funded the marriage expenses.
Q3: My mother is commanding my wife that She should disobey my (husband)
commands and obey only my mother’s commands. Is it mandatory to obey the
mother-in-law’s command?
Q4: My mother is not practicing strict islam? Now in this case if she threatens
my wife that she would ask me (son) to divorce my wife and I have to obey her
as it is commanded by Prophet (PBUH). In this case what am I supposed to do.
Should I divorce my wife if commanded by my mother?
Please help me and guide me.
May
the almighty be pleased with you.
Allah Hafiz
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Mother in law
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Q-1: I
wanted to marry Islamic way but, my mother strongly suppressed me and my
marriage was 80% un-Islamic way contradicting with Prophet’s sunnah, I was
helpless then because even all of my relatives suppressed me along with my
mother. My Question is whether its allowed to remarry the same girl (my Wife)
in Islamic way?
There are four absolutely obligatory conditions in Shariah
for a marriage to be recognized as lawful in the Sight of Shariah Law and of
Allah Subhanah:
1. Proposal by one party and acceptance by the other.
2. The determination of the ‘mehr’ at the time of the
marriage contract.
3. The presence of (at least) two witnesses to the
marriage contract.
4. The consent of the wali/guardians of the bride to the
marriage conract.
If even one of the above listed four obligatory conditions
are violated, the marriage will be considered null and void in the Sight of
Shariah.
We are not sure what exactly you mean that your marriage
was 80% un-Islamic….if the above listed four absolutely obligatory conditions
of a marriage were honored, your marriage will be considered absolutely legal
in the Sight of Allah Subhanah; and if even one of the above listed four
conditions were violated, the marriage will be null and void in the Sight of
Allah Subhanah.
Your
Question: My Question is whether its allowed to remarry the same girl (my Wife)
in Islamic way?
If all the four
obligatory conditions of the marriage were honored, there would be absolutely
no need to remarry the same woman…for the marriage would be deemed absolutely
lawful and legal in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah.
If even one of the above listed four absolutely obligatory
conditions were violated, then indeed a brand new ‘nikaah’ honoring the
obligatory conditions would be required for your marriage to be deemed lawful
in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Q-2: The
bride`s relatives told me that without any demand or compulsion by my mother
they have given some 40 sovereign of Gold along with the TV, Cot, Fridge, etc…
My Question is should I repay the calculated amount to the bride or to her
Brother (Saala) who funded the marriage expenses.
The primary
responsibility for bearing the absolute full cost and expense of a marriage in
Islam is upon the shoulders of the groom.
If the bride’s family, of their own free will and without any force or
coercion from the groom or his family have chosen to spend an amount on the
marriage, or of their free will chose to give some gifts to anyone….they are
the owners of their wealth and they are well within their rights to spend of
their own wealth wherever they wish and please.
But if you sincerely believe that they were forced or
coerced by your family or the society to give the said gifts to your family,
and out of the piety and righteousness of your heart you wish to repay the
bride’s family their expense and they are willing to accept it, you are
obviously well within your rights to do so.
Q-3: My
mother is commanding my wife that She should disobey my (husband) commands and
obey only my mother’s commands. Is it mandatory to obey the mother-in-law’s
command?
Allah Says
in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous
women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah
would have them guard (their modesty and chastity, the honor and
property of their husband, etc.)
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies
while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which
woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he
looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his
wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he
disapproves."
In light of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, the
wife has absolutely no duty or responsibility laid upon her by Islam towards
her husband’s family or ‘in-laws’, including the husband’s parents, brothers,
sisters, uncles, aunts, etc. The
responsibility and duty that Islam has laid upon the believing wife is only
towards making sure that her husband is pleased and satisfied with her in every
aspect of her life!
Thus, in essence, if a believing woman worships Allah
Subhanah as He Alone deserves to be worshipped, preserves her chastity, and
strives to the best of her ability to please her husband, the Messenger of
Allah (saws) declared that she will be given the honor to enter the
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
Having said that she has absolutely no responsibility
towards her husband’s family, does not in any way mean or imply that she is
allowed to be rude, or disrespectful, or dishonor them in any way. She must at all times strive to develop
cordial relations with her in-laws.
But if the believing woman does, of her own free will,
serves the parents or family of her husband, she would be doing a deed of
‘ehsaan’, a deed which would be over and above her prescribed duties and
responsibilities; and Allah Subhanah has time and again declared in the
Glorious Quran that He absolutely loves those believers who do ‘ehsaan’ or
deeds which are over and above their role of duty and responsibility.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah
Ale-Imraan verse 134 (part):
134 …. for Allah loves the ‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and
above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah
Ale-Imraan verse 148:
148 And Allah gave them a reward in this world and the excellent reward
of the Hereafter. For Allah loves the
‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 195 (part):
195 … and do ‘ehsaan’; for Allah loves the ‘muhsineen’ (those who do
deeds over and above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah
Maidah verse 93 (part):
93 ….. For Allah loves the
‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
The wife in Islam is absolutely under no obligation to
take care or serve her husband’s parents or family; the duty and ultimate
responsibility that the parents are served and well cared for is entirely upon
the direct off-spring of the parents.
But if the wife, of her own will and choice, wishes to go
over and above her prescribed duties and in her benevolence serves the parents
and/or family members of her husband, she would be doing the extremely
meritorious deed of ‘ehsaan’; and Allah Subhanah absolutely loves those who do
‘ehsaan’ or deeds over and above their prescribed duties.
If a husband is blessed with a wife who does ‘ehsaan’ and
serves his parents, he should be extremely grateful and thankful to her for her
superb gesture of benevolence and kindness.
Q-4: My
mother is not practicing strict islam? Now in this case if she threatens my
wife that she would ask me (son) to divorce my wife and I have to obey her as
it is commanded by Prophet (PBUH). In this case what am I supposed to do.
Should I divorce my wife if commanded by my mother?
Dear and beloved
brother in Islam, one cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of
serving and being dutiful unto one’s parents in Islam, especially when they
have been blessed by the Lord to attain old age.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with
great kindness; if either or both of
them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain
was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy
parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 46 Surah
Ahqaaf verses 15-16:
15 We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: in pain did his
mother bear him and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to
his weaning is (a period of) thirty months.
At length when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty
years he says "O my Lord! grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor
which Thou hast bestowed upon me and upon both my parents and that I may work
righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my
issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and
truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."
16 Such are they from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and
pass by their ill deeds: (they shall be) among the Companions of the Garden: a
promise of truth which was made to them (in this life).
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 215:
215 They ask thee what they should spend (in charity). Say: ‘Whatever ye spend that is good is
for parents and kindred and orphans and those in want and for
wayfarers. And whatever ye do that is
good Allah knoweth it well.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be
humbled into dust! Let him be humbled
into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of
his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah
I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom
should I show kindness most?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again):
‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’.
I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again:
‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in
order of relationship.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah
Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said,
"Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I
have come to consult you. He (saws)
asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said,
"Stay with her, for
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his
bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I
inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O
Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.505 Narrated by Abdullah
I asked the Prophet (saws): "Which deed
is the dearest to Allah?" He (saws) replied, "To offer the prayers at
their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in
goodness)?" He (saws) replied, "To be good and dutiful to your
parents." I again asked, "What is the next (in
goodness)?" He (saws) replied, "To participate in Jihad (religious
fighting) in Allah's cause."
'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more,
the Prophet (saws) would have told me more."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.248 Narrated byAbdullah bin Amr
A man came to the Prophet asking his permission to take part in Jihad.
The Prophet asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the
affirmative. The Prophet said to him, "Then exert yourself in their
service."
Your
Question: In this case what am I supposed to do. Should I divorce my wife if
commanded by my mother?
Respected brother in Islam, if (Allah forbid) your mother
commands you to divorce your wife, you would be required to study the reason/s
behind why she gave you such a command….if she commands you to divorce your
wife for strong Islamic reasons, like your wife is unchaste, or she is
disobedient or ungrateful to you, or she is severely negligent in fulfilling
her obligatory duties in Islam, etc….then indeed you should heed the guidance
and advice of your mother and divorce your wife.
But if you find that your mother commanded you to divorce
your wife for no strong or Islamic reason, then you are not to obey this
unlawful command of hers; and there would be absolutely no sin upon you.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A
creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the
Creator."
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister