As my father (Alhamdulillah still alive with us) was attacked by paralysis long back when I was just 6months old, my maternal uncle took care of our family including our studies and everything.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Assalamu alikum,
I am the younger son with two elder
brothers and two elder sisters; all of them are married and settled. I am 23
yrs old now and working for a software company and staying with friends 400 kms
far from my home. I thought of getting married and settling down in life. But I
have come across big confusions.
1). If I marry within next 4 months then
I will have two options a) stay with my wife alone separate from my family b).
Let my wife stay with my family and I will visit every weekend.
2). Wait for one yr so that I can
complete my current project and go back to my hometown and settle there and get
married.
But I am not able to control my internal
desires, which can be fulfilled legally only by getting married.
Please advice.
Also now there is one more dilemma.
As my father (Alhamdulillah still alive
with us) was attacked by paralysis long back when I was just 6months old, my
maternal uncle took care of our family including our studies and everything. By
this I and my family have a great responsibility and respect for all my uncles
and aunts (4 uncles and 4 aunts who helped a lot to our family in our difficult
days).
Now I have chosen a girl for myself who
has a very good character, beautiful and from a good family background actually
she is my elder brother's sister in law (this choice is nothing to do with
affection or crush/infatuation, I chose her only on the basis of her
character). But almost my whole family specifically my Uncles and aunts and my
father are opposing this proposal. I don't know how to handle this situation in
a right way. Please help.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
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confidentiality.)
Answer:
Father refusal to
marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Your Question: But almost my whole family
specifically my Uncles and aunts and my father are opposing this proposal. I
don't know how to handle this situation in a right way. Please help.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah
Furqaan verse 54:
54 It is He Who has created man from water: then has He
established relationships through blood and (through) marriage: for thy
Lord has Power (over all things).
Islam guides that a marriage is not merely a union of two
people who love each other, but rather a sacred union that unites two whole
families….thus if one is faced with a situation whereby their son is so in
‘love’ with an eligible girl (believer, chaste, etc.) and the parents of the
boy are satisfied with the character and the practice of religion of the
girl…..they should accede with the choice and request of their son.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated
by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is
married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and
her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a
loser."
Although the consent of the boy’s parents is not an
obligatory condition of a marriage in Islam, it would only be piety and
righteousness on the part of the son to make sure that he has the approval and
consent of his parents before he marries the girl. If for any reason one finds that their
parents are just not willing to consent to their choice, it would be better to
marry another girl whom the boy and the parents both approve of….for marriage
is but a ‘Sunnah’ (voluntary), but to obey one’s parents is ‘Fard-ayn’ or
absolutely obligatory upon every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and
the Last Day.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws)
what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave
Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--
(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,
(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,
(3) To kill a person (which Allah has
forbidden to kill)
(4) And to give a false witness."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have
a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he
had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the
gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
Your Questions:
1). If I marry within next 4 months then I
will have two options a) stay with my wife alone separate from my family b).
Let my wife stay with my family and I will visit every weekend.
2). Wait for one yr so that I can complete
my current project and go back to my hometown and settle there and get married.
But I am not able to control my internal
desires, which can be fulfilled legally only by getting married.
Please advice.
Respected brother, all the options that you have placed
are all lawful for you in Shariah….if you wish you may marry immediately and
stay with your wife away from your family until you complete your project; and
if you wish you may permit your wife to stay with your family and visit her
every weekend; and if you are able to guard your chastity, you are well within
your rights to delay your marriage for a year until you complete your project.
But brother, if you fear that you would not be able to guard
your chastity if you delay your marriage for a year, then it would be best that
you chose to marry as soon as possible.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah
We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were
young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O
young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him
lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should
fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister