Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Brother,

I would appreciate if you could answere this asap.

My brother who is 27 yrs of age is borderline mentally retarded. Meaning his ability to function as a normal humanbeing of his age is impaired. He cannot make a living, but we have enough wealth alhamdulillah that he can be supported for the rest of his life. His ability to understand complex life situations or sometimes even simple things is very restricted. He has no decision making capacity atall. His thinking is what psychologist call is "concrete" - meaning he has no insight. My mother got him married , which I think is ok but she did not inform the Girls family about my brothers shortcomings. In front of the girls family she created a picture of my brother as a shy person who does not talk much and makes a living by working in the family business. She is creating a picture which is so not true. Just becoz he visits the office of the family business does not make him an employee there and there is no salary. He gets a " pocket Money". My sisterinlaw is heart broken and sad and she thinks she has been betrayed. She is highly educated and she feels lack of mental compatibility, and emotional bonding as he does not understand her or her feelings. Their marriage is at the verge of breakpoint and she holds my mother responsible. My question to you is :-

1) I dont know how much my sisterinlaws family tried to find about my brother before marriage - how much is she herself responsible for her situation. Is she right in thinking that she was betrayed?

2)Was it necessary that my mother should have told them everythig about my brother I mean is it not the responsibility of the girls family to find out everything before they give their daughter in marriage. Is my mother in any was responsible for my sisterinlaws misery. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Mother responsible for her lies and deceit

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

As much as it is the bride’s family to make a thorough investigation regarding the suitor who asks for the hand of their daughter, the prime responsibility of informing the truth in full to the bride’s family rests upon the boys family. If they intentionally did not disclose the truth, or Allah forbid intentionally lied to the family of the bride regarding the mental or physical state of the boy…..they would be guilty of practicing deceit and fraud in the Sight and Court of Allah Subhanah on that Inevitable and Tumultuous Day of Judgment.

If indeed the family of the groom intentionally withheld material information regarding the mental state of the groom, or Allah forbid they lied….the bride is indeed well justified in thinking that she was betrayed.

In such a situation, the bride is well within her rights in Shariah to seek a permanent separation by initiating a divorce proceedings, and there will absolutely no blame or sin upon her.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan