Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dearest brother,

Your teachings have really made me realise a lot of things about islams and gave answers to questions which i was most ashamed of asking any one..

I write to you as i have a situation in hand... I am an Indian and recently i got married to a arabic lady, We were colleagues at that time and the only way i could have been together with her was to marry her without the consent of My family and which was what i did...as of now it is a secret marraige of which there were witnesses as well.

at the moment i am facing a situation where by i dont know if i have done right or wrong by marrying her without informing my family and really dont know how to inform them about it....

Please advise me if i have done right or wrong beacuse i know that by telling my mother i would be causing her a lot of pain !!! am too scared of her going through the shock....

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Secret marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5 …. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

Beloved Brother, the guidance of Islam Commands and Demands that the believers marry desiring chastity, not lewdness and secret intrigues! It is only those who are inclined towards the heinous and abomination of the evil of ‘zina’ who develop lewd and secret intrigues; for the sacred institution of marriage in Islam is a public affair whereby one is guided and commanded to openly declare one’s sacred association of marriage to the society one lives in by offering the ‘walima’ or marriage banquet or feast.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.395 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) seeing a yellow mark (of perfume) on the clothes of 'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Auf, said, "What about you?" 'Abdur-Rahman replied, "I have married a woman with a Mahr of gold equal to a date-stone." The Prophet (saws) said, "May Allah bestow His Blessing on you (in your marriage). Give a wedding banquet, (Walima) even with one sheep."

For a ‘marriage’ or ‘nikaah’ to be lawful and acceptable in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah, the following four absolutely obligatory conditions of an Islamic ‘nikaah’ have to fulfilled:

1. Proposal by one party and acceptance by the other.
2. The determination of ‘mehr’ for the bride.
3. The availability of at least two witnesses to the marriage contract.
4. The consent of the parents/guardians of the bride to the marriage contract.

As much as it would be against piety, righteousness, and behavior becoming of a muslim to marry secretly without informing or the participation of their near and loved ones, if one has fulfilled all the obligatory conditions of an Islamic marriage, their marriage itself will be considered lawful in the Sight of Shariah Law.

Your Statement: Please advise me if i have done right or wrong beacuse i know that by telling my mother i would be causing her a lot of pain !!! am too scared of her going through the shock....

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-25:

23 Your Lord has Decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them even a word of contempt, nor repel them; but address them in terms of honor.

24 And out of kindness, lower to them the wings of humility, and say: "O my Lord! Bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood."

25 Your Lord knows best what is in your hearts: if ye do deeds of righteousness verily He is Most Forgiving to those who turn to Him again and again (in true penitence).

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verses 13-14:

13 Behold Luqman said to his son by way of instruction: "O my son! Join not in worship (others) with Allah: for false worship is indeed the highest wrong-doing."

14 And We (Allah) have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (Hear the command:) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.2 Narrated by Abu Huraira

A man came to Allah's Messenger (saws) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your father."

Beloved brother in Islam, if you fear the shock and pain that you will cause your mother if you inform her that you have already married and are living with a woman without her consent or participation, imagine the pain and grief and the sense of utter betrayal and helplessness which your mother will experience when she inevitably learns this truth and fact from someone else!

In our humble opinion brother, it would be akin to piety and righteousness that you turn unto your Lord in sincere ‘taubah’ for your severe and serious negligence unto your mother, and in all humility, politeness and hope approach your mother and explain to her yourself whatever has transpired and seek her sincere forgiveness, acceptance, and understanding…….if done with sincere humility and tenderness and apologies, it is expected that the inevitable grief and pain that your mother will have to experience on your account will be kept at an absolute minimum, Insha Allah.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan