Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

what should be ideal age differnce between husband n wife at d time of marry,plz explain pairs made in heaven 

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Answer:

Pairs marriage made in heaven

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: what should be ideal age differnce between husband n wife at d time of marry

The difference in age between a bride and a groom is not considered an important criteria when seeking marriage in Islam; and it is absolutely permissible in Shariah Law for a man to seek to marry an elder woman if he chooses to do so, or a woman of similar age if he so wills and pleases, or a woman who is younger to him….the decision regarding the difference in age between two people who intend to marry is entirely upto the choice of the individual seeking marriage and/or their guardians.

Your Question: plz explain pairs made in heaven 

Beloved Brother, what we recognize as ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’ is no more than the Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of Allah Subhanah which He has recorded with Him before anything came into creation. He Alone has the Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of the past, present and the future; and that Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of His is what is called ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’ or ‘Qadr’.

Thus, in a sense marriage is indeed destiny, for Allah Subhanah, in His Absolute and Perfect Knowledge, Knows which of his slave will marry whom in which particular age.

Because Allah’s Knowledge is Absolutely Perfect, He ‘Knows’ who will pair with whom in which time, age, and place, etc.; but it would not be an accurate statement to say that Allah Subhanah forces or compels one to marry a particular person; for whom one chooses to marry is a deed one choose for themselves, and thus one will be accountable for the choice one makes.

The Majestic Creator has bestowed two things upon man (and Jinns) which He has not bestowed upon any amongst His creation; and thus involved him in a test:

1. Intelligence or the Power of Reasoning
2. A ‘free will’ to choose whatever path he wishes to follow in life

Whoever, with the bestowed intelligence recognizes his Lord and Creator, and of his own free will chooses to follow the path approved by Him will be shown Allah’s Mercy and Grace. And Whoever denies his Lord and Creator, and of his own free will chooses to follow any other path than the approved path of the Lord, he will deserve the Wrath and Anger of the All-Mighty Lord.

Because the All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord has involved man in a test for a short period of one life, He has allowed man for this limited period, to choose his path and do deeds as one pleases. It is indeed true that Allah Subhanah knows exactly what each individual will do at every stage of his life, but that is because He has Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of everything of the past, present and future.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 6.474 Narrated by Ali ibn Abi Taalib

While the Prophet (saws) was in a funeral procession, he (saws) picked up something and started scraping the ground with it, and said, "There is none among you but has his place written for him either in the Hell Fire or in Paradise." They said, "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! Shall we not depend upon what has been written for us and give up deeds?" He (saws) said, "Carry on doing (good) deeds, for everybody will find easy to do such deeds as will lead him to his destined place for which he has been created. So he who is destined to be among the happy (in the Hereafter), will find it easy to do the deeds characteristic of such people, while he who is destined to be among the miserable ones, will find it easy to do the deeds characteristic of such people."

To fulfill the requirements of the ‘test’, man is permitted to use his intelligence and do deeds as he sees best for himself; and for this test of one transitory life, there is absolutely no compulsion upon him. The ‘fate’ or ‘predetermined will’ is no more than the Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of Allah Subhanah, whereby He Knows Perfectly well what each individual will do at every stage of his life. If man was compelled to do deeds according to ‘fate’ or the ‘pre-determined will’, then it would not constitute a fair ‘test’, for man could then not be held accountable for his deeds!

When one is seeking a suitable partner in marriage, the guidance given by Islam is that one should use his intelligence and power of reasoning, and seek to marry a partner best suitable to him/her for the life of this world and the Hereafter.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman, (otherwise) you will be a loser."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'

Thus, although Allah Subhanah Knows exactly who will marry whom in His Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of everything in existence; man is under no compulsion. He has to use his intelligence and power of reasoning and choose the partner that is most suitable for him for his life in this world and the Hereafter. Had the choice of partners been pre-determined like one’s parents, relatives, place of birth, place of death, etc., the Messenger of Allah (saws) would not have guided the believers to overlook the transient and short-lived aspects of wealth, and beauty, and lineage when seeking a partner in marriage; and choose a righteous religious woman if he indeed wanted to be successful in his marriage!

Whenever something is pre-determined, like one’s looks, one’s parents and relatives, one’s place and time of birth or death, etc.; one has absolutely no choice in these matters, and thus neither has Allah and His Messenger (saws) given any guidance regarding the choices one should take to obtain maximum height, color, or looks, or to be born in a particular age, or household, or time, etc. Where one has no choice, one is neither guided towards a choice, nor is one held accountable for it.

But whenever one has been given an option or choice….what to believe in, whom to obey, what to eat, what is lawful, what is unlawful, etc….then not only has Allah and His Messenger (saws) given guidance on every aspect of that particular matter, but one will be held responsible for the choice one makes in the Court of Allah Subhanah.

Thus in effect, whom one chooses to marry is not from pre-determined fate or destiny, nor are ‘marriages-made-in-heaven’, nor is anyone compelled by Allah to marry…….this is a decision and choice each person makes for himself, and because it is a choice and an option, Allah and His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers on every aspect of marriage.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan