Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

My dearest borther in Islam, Assalamulaikum,

I want to marry with a girl. There are all the important points covered that a Muslim must consider for engagement and marriage. For example she is very Islamic minded, highly educated(doing Msc), she also used to go to an Islamic Madrassa and completed Fiqa, Arabic and a few other courses taught in sub continent Islamic Madaris. She is intellegent also. We love each other too much and want to get married. There are a few points which is considered negitive by my parents. Like reagional differences.i am a pathan and she is urdu speaking and we belong to different parts of Pakistan.The most negitive point which they consider is that first we met on internet. I know it’s a negitive point. But I didn’t hided anything from my parents and told clearly that how we met. She is so pivous that she pray 5 times a day and also regularly pray Tahajjud. I performed Istikhara many a times. I am still not clear. She also did and it was so clear. She discussed with her Mualima and she replied in light of that dream that not only this is positive but also will prove to be good for both of you in this world and akhira. Once she saw a dreams that we both (me and she)are taking “bait”(creating religious relation) with a very famous Alim of our country. All these things are giving positive indications. But still my parents especially my elder sister is not beliving and says that she might be lieing. But I know that she is not a lier. She is so pious that she got the opportunity to see our Holy Prophet (Sallalaho Alaihi Wassalam) twice in dream. Once in last ramadhan.

I am very confused. My age is 28 and there is no other good option from my parents side. I can do anything for my parents and family but at the end of the day if they engaged somebody to me who is not according my thinking and if my life becomes misrible then what I will do? My life will be misrible if my life partner is not as much religious as she is. She is like an ideal girl for me. My fathers ideal is somebody from a rich family or a professional like doctor(I hate to marry with a working lady). My sister wants someone very beautiful or somebody from our own regional race(pathans). I am sure she will not marry anyone else even throughout her life if I failed to marry her. Please reply and provide guidence to me. JAZAKALLAH KHAIRAL JAZA

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Answer:

Parents refusal to marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, if you can convince your parents to approve and give their consent, then indeed marry the girl of your choice; but if you are unable to obtain the consent of your parents to marry that particular girl, marry another girl whom both you and your parents approve of……but whatever the case, do not disobey your parents, for marriage is but a voluntary act in Islam, but to obey the lawful commands of one’s parents is an absolutely obligatory duty of every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise and your Hell!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)

(4) And to give a false witness."

Second only to absolute gravest sin and abomination of ‘shirk’ (associating others with Allah Subhanah) in gravity of sins in the Sight of Allah Subhanah is the disobedience to one’s parents!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan