Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalam-Alaykum,

I have a concern regarding the age difference between the bride and the groom.

I am going to marry a girl who is 11 yrs younger than me. Currently i am 30 Yrs old and she is 19 yrs old. I am very much aware about the sunnat regarding Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Aiyesha (RAZ).

But as we think practically, as we getting older and older our sexual power would get diminished. This will prevent both of us to satisfy our sexual desires. Specifically for men at the age of 45, is not possible to stay longer in intercourse. However at the age of around 35 woman still asking the same as she was at 20.

This situation would compel woman to go out of the Islam teachings. This would be catastrophic for any marriage agreement.

Please suggest on this issue. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Appetite sex

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Respected Brother in Islam, although it is only in accordance with the bestowed nature of humans that one’s sexual appetite does decrease with the advancement of age, not every individual (man or woman) has been bestowed with the same level of sexual appetite; thus it is not entirely impossible that one who is 50-60 years of age may have a healthier appetite for sexual intercourse than one who is 20 or 30.

Beloved brother one should realize and understand the difference between an allowance and a Command in Shariah! Islam has not Commanded, but allowed and declared it absolutely permissible for a believing man to seek to marry a woman who is considerably younger than him, or marry a woman who is considerably older than him….if indeed one wishes and chooses to do so. But if fears that the difference in age might be inconvenient or incompatible or detrimental to their marital relationship for any reason whatsoever, one is well within their rights and at complete liberty to seek to marry one who is of similar age and mentality.

Besides brother, one should also understand that as much as the lawful fulfillment of one’s sexual appetite is an integral part or reason of one who seeks marriage, it is not necessary the only reason one may choose to marry. It is possible that for some the fulfillment of other social duties and responsibilities may take precedence over the fulfillment of their sexual appetite.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.280 Narrated by Jabir bin Abdullah

My father died and left seven or nine girls and I married a matron (an elderly or a widowed or divorced woman). Allah's Messenger (saws) asked me, "O Jabir! Have you married?" I said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah (saws)." He (saws) further asked "A virgin (young girl) or a matron (elderly)?" I replied, "A matron." He (saws) said, "Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she with you, and you might amuse her and she amuse you." I said, "My father (Abdullah) died and left girls, and I dislike to marry a girl like them, so I married a matron so that she may look after them." On that the Prophet (saws) said, "May Allah bless you.”

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan