Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

AOA,

Its been 9 months since i got married and moved to London, after moving here i found out that my husband use to visit porn sites, so i made a big deal and i cried and i told him it wasn`t acceptable and that i felt cheated so he promised he wouldnt but then again i found that he had. The result of it is that now i have become so paranoid that i have become a snoop, the first thing i do after i get up is that i check his emails and i go thru the computer to see which sites he went to the throughout the day i keep checking his emails. When he gets back home i check his cellphone! i feel i am going crazy. i keep praying to Allah to give me peace of mind and trust and that my husband would just stop and realize that its gunnah but i cant help myself. and i feel maybe i am being punished for something. my husband loves me, takes care of me i have no problems except the fact that he goes behind my back to watch porn and now that i have made such a big deal abt it, he doesnt even feel comfortable telling me. in the meanwhile i just keep waiting for the next disaster to happen, i feel tense whenever he sits on the pc i feel tense leaving him alone in the room, i dont go to bed before he does incase he logs on. I have talked to him about it and he says i just have to trust him but i cant! Marriage is a life time commitment and i cant go through with such stress on my mind all the time. I know you might think this is a case to be dealt by a psychiatrist but is there anything i can do islamically to help myself especially. I feel so lost.

JazakAllah.

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Answer:

Husbad watches porn

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Beloved sister, the one and only way you can discourage if not altogether stop your husband from indulging in what has clearly been declared as unlawful and forbidden by Allah is to invite him politely to fear Allah and His Day of Accounting….and the absolute best way to invite or warn someone of the Last Day is to somehow get them to read the Glorious Quran with understanding.

If only you could get your husband to understand and comprehend the extent of the Wrath and Anger of the Lord Most High on those who violate His clear boundaries and indulge in the haraam….he would stay far far away from it.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:

Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4886 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

That he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: ‘The eye commits ‘zina’, and the palm of the hand, the foot, the body, the tongue and private part of the body confirm it or deny it.’

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260 Narrated by Ibn Abbas

I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira narrated from the Prophet (saws) who said "Allah has written for the children of Adam their share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it."

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 36 Surah Ya-Seen verse 65:

65 That Day shall We set a seal on their mouths. But their hands will speak to Us and their feet bear witness to all that they did.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Ha-Meem verses 19-23:

19 On the Day that the enemies of Allah will be gathered together to the Fire they will be marched in ranks.

20 At length when they reach the (Fire) their hearing, their sight, and their skins will bear witness against them as to (all) their deeds.

21 They will say to their skins: "Why bear ye witness against us?" They (their skins) will say: "Allah hath given us speech, (He) Who giveth speech to everything: He created you for the first time and unto Him were ye to return.

22 "Ye did not seek to hide yourselves lest your hearing, your sight, and your skins should bear witness against you! But ye did think that Allah knew not many of the things that ye used to do!

23 "But this thought of yours which ye did entertain concerning your Lord hath brought you to destruction, and (now) have ye become of those utterly lost!"

Not only is the evil act of ‘zina’ prescribed as absolutely forbidden in Islam, every path or every way that leads one to this evil path is also declared as forbidden! Such is the gravity of this abomination of ‘zina’, that Allah Subhanah commands the believers in the Quran: ‘Do not even go near ‘zina’!!!

Thus if one intentionally sees and watches ‘fahisha’ (indecency), it would constitute ‘zina’ of the eyes; if one derives pleasure from talks of ‘fahisha’, it would constitute ‘zina’ of the ears and mouth, if one touches or goes towards something or someone with the intention of ‘fahisha’, it would constitute ‘zina’ of the hands and the legs! Although there is no prescribed punishment for the ‘zina’ of the eyes, mouth, ears, hands and feet in the life of this world, if one dies without seeking ‘taubah’ and repentance from their Lord, he will be held severely accountable for these acts of ‘minor’ zina in the Presence of their Majestic Lord in the Hereafter.

Along with your sincere efforts to save your husband from the Unbearable Wrath, Anger and Punishments of the Lord Most High, it would be prudent that you remain constant in your supplications to your Lord to have Mercy on your husband, to soften his heart to the Truth, and to develop ‘taqwa’, piety, and the fear of Allah and the Last Day into his heart.

Beloved Sister, other than guiding and warning a person who is involved in a clear sin to fear their Lord Creator and His Day of Accounting, there is very little one can do to convince one to abstain from their habit of sin.

Beloved Sister in Islam, if you feel that your husband has the fear of Allah and His Day of Accounting in him, and you have firmly conveyed your message of disapproval at his indulgence of the unlawful, and your husband has given you his word that he will abstain from its indulgence……then you should trust his word on face value and give him an opportunity to redeem himself by seeking sincere repentance from his Lord Most Merciful without being constantly suspicious of him.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verse 12:

12 O ye who believe! avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay ye would abhor it...but fear Allah: for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan