Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

assalam o alaikum,

i`m 18 years old. i know it`s wrong to have any type of relations with a male before marriage. although, not only do i have a boyfriend but i`ve been with him for about 11 months. we are now sexually active, but have full intentions of eventually getting married. i have no doubt that he loves me far more than i love him... sometimes i just lose self-control. is this wrong? ... am i getting a lot of gunaah? 

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Answer:

Pre marriage relationship

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:

Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 2:

The woman and the man guilty of ‘zina’ (fornication), flog each one of them with a hundred stripes, and let not pity for them restrain you in regard to a matter prescribed by Allah; if indeed you believe in Allah and the Last Day! And let a section of the believers witness the punishment inflicted on them.

Zina (fornication and adultery) are considered amongst the gravest sins in Islam. One can imagine the severity of the sin, by the punishment Allah and His Messenger (saws) have decreed for the sin. If one is living in an Islamic State and gets convicted of the sin of zina (adultery), the punishment prescribed by Allah and His Messenger (saws) is that he/she should be stoned to death!! And if the person dies without making Taubah or asking repentance from Allah Subhanah in the life of this world, the punishment of the Hereafter in the Just Court of Allah Subhanah is even more severe than the punishment of the world!!

Zina is considered such an evil and such a grave sin that Allah has advised the believers in the Holy Quran 17:32 .. ‘Do not even go near ‘zina’….’. We are commanded by Allah not to even go near zina, if indeed we fear Allah and the Last Day!!!

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 25 Surah Furqan verses 68-70:

68 (The true servants of Allah are) Those who invoke not with Allah any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit ‘zina’: and any that does this (not only) meets punishment

69 (But) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him and he will dwell therein in ignominy!

70 Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds; for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good and Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful

Your Question: we are now sexually active, but have full intentions of eventually getting married. i have no doubt that he loves me far more than i love him... sometimes i just lose self-control. is this wrong? ... am i getting a lot of gunaah? 

Dear and Beloved sister, in light of the above guidance of the Quran that ‘zina’ is a grave sin in the Sight of the Lord is an understatement! As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, we implore you to immediately abstain from intentionally transgressing the boundaries of Allah Subhanah; for Allah is our witness, none possesses the power and strength to bear the Wrath and Anger of the Lord All-Mighty.

Beloved sister in Islam, we beseech you in the name of the Lord to seek sincere forgiveness for whatever you might have done in your past, and make a solemn covenant with your Lord that you will not even go near what has been clearly declared forbidden by Him and His Messenger (saws); it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Your Question: but have full intentions of eventually getting married. i have no doubt that he loves me far more than i love him...

Beloved sister, for your and your family’s honors’ sake, I hope your evaluation of the boy is true! You will not believe the number of sister’s whose lives were destroyed and their family’s honor utterly ruined because they believed in the ‘rosy’ promises of those who illegally deflowered them! Every sister sincerely believed that the person who committed the evil with them was genuinely in love with them, and if she gave in to his demands, he would eventually marry her one day! If the sister was warned by her well-wishers to be careful, she would say that her ‘man’ is not like the others who deserted their woman!

Beloved Sister, Allah is our witness, this path of ‘zina’ will not only invite ruin on oneself in the life of this world, it will result in ignominy, disgrace and absolute dishonor in the Hereafter!

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, we implore you in the Name of Allah to fear Him and His Wrath, seek sincere repentance from your Lord Most Merciful and make a solemn covenant with Him that you will not even go near the ‘haraam’; it is expected that you will find Him Forgiving and Merciful.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan