It was given in that book that a woman need not undo her hair and have a complete wash after she has intercourse with her husband,
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Dear brother
assalamu alaikum
i have a cuple of doubts...i am married and 23 yrs old...
i read the book "muslim marriage guide" by sister ruqaiyya waris
maqsood.
it was given in that book that a woman need
not undo her hair and have a complete wash after she has intercourse with her
husband,...it was given that it is enuff if she washes her body completely and
just pours a little water over her hair like while making abulution....that she
need not undo her plaits and all...is this correct?..
since some women have long hair ...it is a
lil hard to wash ur hair in the middle of the night...as it takes time to dry
and all that....and it is pretty cold too in the nite....so pls clarify this
doubt for me,,, another doubt is that...i read in a book "the pious
woman" that women should be very obedient to her hubby....she shud not
make him angry//./...shud not talk back to him and should not get angry at him
and that her whole world should revolve around him....
i dont want to sound feminist...but i think this is a lil unfair...i respect my
husband a lot...and i do let him take final decisions....but i dont keep quiet
all the time...if we disagree on a point ...i let him know it...we fight ...but
make up...n thr r no hard feeings at the end...
he does certain things which make me angry and vice versa,,,but it is all ok at
the end,.,..i let him know if i am hurt...we discuss everything...and agree on
something together...i feel i am an individual and shud have my say...
after reading this book i was shocked...how can i just submit blindly to wat he
says...allah has given me a mind too to think and rationalize...he always has
the final say...and makes the final decisions...
my question is it rong to talk back to a husband,,,,is it rong to fight and
make up with him...?..is it rong
to discuss things...and shud i meekly nod my
head to everything he says?...pls enlighten me on this
thanking u
muslim sister
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Wife relation with
husband
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question: it was given in that book that
a woman need not undo her hair and have a complete wash after she has
intercourse with her husband,...it was given that it is enuff if she washes her
body completely and just pours a little water over her hair like while making
abulution....that she need not undo her plaits and all...is this correct?..
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah
Maidah verse 6:
6 O ye who believe! When ye prepare for prayer wash your faces and
your hands (and arms) to the elbows; rub your heads (with water); and (wash)
your feet to the ankles. If ye are
in a state of ceremonial impurity bathe your whole body. But if ye are ill or on a journey or one of
you cometh from offices of nature or ye have been in contact with women and ye
find no water then take for yourselves clean sand or earth and rub therewith
your faces and hands. Allah doth not
wish to place you in a difficulty but to make you clean and to complete His favor
to you that ye may be grateful.
In light of the above absolutely clear Command of the
Lord, it is absolutely obligatory for a believer who is in a state of major
impurity to perform the ‘ghusl’ or full bath of purification, making sure that
the water reaches every single part of the body.
Fiqh-us-Sunnah Fiqh 1.59
Topic: Ghusl for women
A woman performs ghusl just as a man does,
except that if she has plaited hair she does not have to undo it, provided that
the water can reach the roots of her hair. Umm Salamah said, "O Messenger
of Allah (saws), I am a woman who has closely plaited hair on my head. Do I
have to undo them for ghusl after sexual intercourse?" He (saws) said,
"No, it is enough for you to throw three handfuls of water on your head
and then pour water over yourself. After doing this, you shall be
cleansed." (Related by Ahmad, Muslim and at-Tirmidhi.)
Ubaid ibn Umair reported that Aishah
discovered that Abdullah ibn Amr was ordering the women to undo their plaits of
hair (for ghusl). She observed, "It is amazing that Ibn 'Amr orders the
women to undo the plaits of hair for ghusl. Why doesn't he just order them to
shave their heads? I and the Messenger of Allah (saws) used to bathe from one
vessel, and all I did was pour three handfuls of water over my head." (Related by Ahmad
and Muslim.)
If a woman who wishes to purify herself with a ‘ghusl’ has
beaded or pleated her hair, there is allowance in the Shariah that she need not
undo her pleats or beads but the throwing of three handfuls of water over her
head would suffice for her purification.
But the simple wiping of her head like when one does
during ‘wudu’ or ablution would not be sufficient for fulfilling the conditions
of ‘ghusl’ or full bath of purification.
Your Question: after reading this book i was
shocked...how can i just submit blindly to wat he says...allah has given me a
mind too to think and rationalize...he always has the final say...and makes the
final decisions...
my question is it rong to talk back to a
husband,,,,is it rong to fight and make up with him...?..is it rong to discuss
things...and shud i meekly nod my head to everything he says?...pls enlighten
me on this
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, when two people who are
bestowed with intelligence, choice, likes and dislikes are bonded together in
the sacred union of marriage, it is only natural that at times there will be
difference of opinion between them, and at times there may even be
misunderstandings, long discussions, and even arguments between them….such
instances are only natural between two people who live together, and more so
between a husband and a wife who are so closely bonded in the sacred
institution of marriage. As long as both
parties fear Allah and do not transgress the boundaries of Allah with their words,
or deeds, or actions when such disagreements arise between them, there is
absolutely no harm and no sin on either party.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah
Qalam verse 4:
4 And thou (O Prophet (saws), standest) on
an exalted standard of character.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah
Ahzab verse 21:
There is indeed the best example for you to
follow in the Messenger of Allah, for every such person looks forward to Allah
and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much.
So natural are these happenings between a husband and a
wife in marriage, that even the Noble Prophet (saws) whose exalted character is
guaranteed by none other than the Lord and whom the Lord Himself has declared
as the absolute best example for the believers to follow, at times had
misunderstandings and disputes with his wives….during one instance when his
wives constantly demanded that the Prophet (saws) provide them with more
sustenance, so upset was the Prophet (saws) with the constant demands of his
wives, the Messenger of Allah (saws) abstained from visiting any of his wives
for a period of one whole month!
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.134 Narrated by Um Salama
The Prophet (saws) vowed to keep aloof from
his wives for a period of one month, and after the completion of 29 days he
went either in the morning or in the afternoon to his wives. Someone said to
him "You vowed that you would not go to your wives for one month." He
(saws) replied, "The month is of 29 days."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.131 Narrated by Ibn Abbas
One morning we saw the wives of the Prophet (saws)
weeping, and everyone of them had her family with her, I went to the mosque and
found that it was crowded with people. Then Umar bin Al-Khattab came and went
up to the Prophet (saws) who was in his upper room. He greeted him (saws) but
nobody answered. He greeted again, but nobody answered. Then the gatekeeper
called him and he entered upon the Prophet (saws), and asked, "Have you divorced
your wives?" The Prophet (saws) said, "No, but I have taken an oath
not to go to them for one month." So the Prophet (saws) stayed away (from
his wives) for twenty nine days and then entered upon them.
Thus my beloved sister, misunderstandings, discussions,
difference of opinion, and even arguments between two people who are bonded in
the sacred union of marriage are only natural and must be expected; but what is
of paramount importance is that both parties fear Allah their Lord, and not say
or do anything when in these trying circumstances which transgresses the
boundaries of their Lord and Islam.
Time and time again the Messenger of Allah (saws) exhorted
the believers, men and women, to live with peace, love, tenderness, mercy, and
forgiveness amongst their families.
Some of the Prophet’s constant guidance towards the
believing men:
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3263 Narrated by Aisha
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Among
the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best
disposition, and are kindest to their families."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best
of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my
family. When one of you dies speak no ill of him."
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole
world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious
woman.’
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing
man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics,
he will be pleased with another.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq
The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats
badly those under his authority will not enter
Some of the Lords and His Messenger’s (saws) guidance
towards the sisters:
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous women are
devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have
them guard (their chastity, their husband’s property and honor, etc.)
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which
woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he
looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his
wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he
disapproves."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3258 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal
The Prophet (saws) said that no woman annoyed
her husband in this world without his wife among the large-eyed maidens (of
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
What is absolutely discouraged in Islam is that a wife
does not accept the general authority of her husband in the affairs of the
house, constantly challenges, reviles, abuses, taunts, and belittles him in
everything he does or does not do, or is rude or disobedient to him in all
matters, etc.; it is only such actions of open and constant challenge,
rebellion, and disobedience in acceptable matters which are absolutely despised
and hated in the Sight of Allah for a righteous wife.
The one that is absolutely intolerable to Allah Subhanah
is that a believing wife be constantly ungrateful to a husband who is
benevolent towards her, and more often than not, strives to fulfill all her
demands and requests. This outburst is
something that every believing woman, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last
Day, must beware:
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.28 Narrated by Ibn Abbas
The Prophet (saws) said: "I was shown
the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful."
It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful
to Allah?) He (saws) replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and
are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If
you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees
something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any
good from you."
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister