Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

 Dear Burhan,

ASAK!! I wish to know in case if a wife demands not to stay with the husband`s parents who is the only son, due to the bad behaviour of husband`s mother towards the wife.

What does Islam say in black and white. Is the son not supposed to stay with the parents even if he is the only child and their is no one to take care of the parents? Since he is not living in the same town due to his job so he cannot take care of his parents and the financial support he is giving to his parents cannot buy a help(servant) as in present times domestic servants are a rarity and difficult to arrrange for.

The wife says Islam has given her the right to have a home of her own. While to take care of parents in old age is fardh al ain of the son. So the delimma, does he divorce the wife or abandon the parents, its as bad as that, please guide in the light of Islam & Sunnah.

Please I want some quick and clear answers.

Allah Hafiz

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Wife wishes separate accommodation

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.”

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 46 Surah Ahqaaf verse 15:

15 We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: in pain did his mother bear him and in pain did she give him birth!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.9 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr

The Prophet (saws) said, "The Al-Kaba'ir (Major Sins) are:

1. To join others (as partners) in worship with Allah,

2. to be undutiful to one's parents, and

3. to take a false oath."

After the rights due to Allah Subhanah in Islam the biggest rights in all mankind is due to one’s parents. And after the rights of parents, is the rights of our near relatives, far relatives, muslims, neighbors, etc. In Islam, the law is that one must give all the rights due to each, without effecting the rights of others.

For instance, one cannot take away the right due to our parents, and give them to our wives and children. Neither can he take away the rights of the wives and children and give them to his parents. There should be a proper balance, and a muslim, who indeed fears Allah and the Last Day, should give each party its rights without effecting the rights of the other.

The wife has a right in Islam to demand a separate accommodation from the husband’s family, and if the husband has the means he should fulfill this rightful demand of his wife. But the right that the wife does not have is to demand that the husband too move away from his family and responsibilities and live with her in her separate accommodation. If there is none to take care and serve one’s parents, then it is the duty and responsibility of the husband to stay with his parents and serve them until their last breath with absolute humility, politeness, and kindness.

Your Question: So the delimma, does he divorce the wife or abandon the parents, its as bad as that, please guide in the light of Islam & Sunnah.

If the relationship between the wife and the mother-in-law is unstable and the wife has exercised her right in Islam and demanded a separate accommodation, the husband should fulfill this lawful demand of his wife and provide her a separate shelter; hopefully this separation should solve the matter. It is the duty of the husband to stay with and humbly serve his parents until their last breath, and he may visit his wife at her separate accommodation as occasionally as he wishes.

The wife absolutely does not possess the right to demand that the husband leave his parents and come live with her in her separate accommodation; nor should the husband leave his parents and fulfill his wife’s request at the expense of serving and fulfilling his duties towards his parents.

If the wife is absolutely unrelenting and demands that the husband leave his parents and come live with her, and the husband is left with absolutely no choice but to choose between his parents and his wife….then without an iota of a doubt Islam guides that the husband should choose to fulfill his duties and rights towards his parents and leave his wife.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

May Allah Subhanah have mercy on you and your family, make your trial easy for you, and give you the wisdom and the courage to make the decision that is pleasing and acceptable to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan