Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

salaam

my name is shara and i have question to ask you. is actually about my parent they want me to wear only indian clothe they force me to cover up they only want there way and when i try tell them. we only end up with this big fihght they don`t even care what i think. this stuff making hate islam. i understand that there my parentand and they want the best for me , but i`m also a teenager they want me to be perfect and i`m not . so can plz help me thank you.

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Answer:

Parents force teenager to cover

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, although in essence your parents are right in their guidance; it may be that their efforts and means are not in accordance with the situation. Had the parents practiced wisdom, themselves practiced the tenets of the deen and guided and encouraged their children to do the same from early childhood, these types of situation which occur in many a believing household might have been avoided.

It is only natural that when parents allow and permit their children to grow up in an unrighteous and ungodly society, and suddenly when our children reach the age of understanding and puberty we try to enforce the righteous commands and guidance of Islam on our children in an age and surrounding of unrighteousness; these conflicts are bound to occur. The time to train and instill the wisdom in our children is when they are very young and more aligned to be influenced by their parents; but if the parents leave their responsibility till the child has grown and developed well into their teenage years, it is only natural that the conflict between righteousness and unrighteousness will occur. It is only because of our attitude and lack of responsibility towards our children in their early childhood years that some of our beloved children start to hate the only Path that will ensure their well-being and success not only in the trials of their lives in this world, but one that will bring them the Supreme Success of the Hereafter.

If parents have delayed their responsibilities and left it late until their children are in their teenage years, then force and fights are not options and means that will bear any fruit; but rather the parents have to display immense patience, love and respect and try to guide their children to the path of righteousness using the faculties of wisdom and logic.

Your Question: we only end up with this big fihght they don`t even care what i think. this stuff making hate islam. i understand that there my parentand and they want the best for me , but i`m also a teenager they want me to be perfect and i`m not . so can plz help me

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, I remember a time when I too was a teenager and had my fair share of conflicts with my parents. There always seemed to be a huge ‘generation gap’ and an almost unattainable gulf between their understanding of things and mine; and I found myself, more often than not, on the opposite side of two individuals who I know today loved me more than anything in the whole of creation! They wanted nothing but the best for me, they might have prayed little for themselves but always prayed for my well-being, they spent a little on themselves but they always seemed to have enough to spend on me, they slept little when I was ill, they ate little when I was hungry, they cried more when I was sad, they sacrificed their every dream so that I could fulfill mine, and they worried themselves to death if I was in the slightest of trouble! Allah is my witness, I only found this out when I had my own children; and I feel so miserable and so despondent today for everything I might have said and did towards these two blessed individuals whose only program and aim and ambition in life was my well-being and my happiness!!!

Allah is my witness, as I write this note to you, I have tears in my eyes and my heart is overcome with helplessness and misery and shame for my ungrateful attitude and my behavior towards the two beings of mercy whom Allah Subhanah gifted to every fortunate child, called parents! My beloved father is now dead and my beloved mother is now old, and weak, and disabled! My father’s untimely death gave me no time to thank him for everything he did for me all his life. Today I have realized how much he loved me, but now I have no recourse to tell him how sorry I am for my behavior towards him and how much I have always loved him. O how I wish I could get back those years so that I could tell him how much I love him, and how much he meant to me.

Dear and Beloved sister in Islam, I beg you in the name of Allah, to not let what happened to me happen to you. Even though I thought then that they never understood me, I know today that they understood me more than I understood myself! Even though I thought then that they never listened to anything I said, I know today that they listened to each and every word my tongue uttered! The honest truth is that it was I who never listened to them, and it was I who never understood the blessings and mercy they showered upon me in every phase of my life! My dear and beloved sister, I implore you in all humility, please don’t let the same happen to you….for soon there will come a day when they might not be around to accept even your sincerest of apologies!

If only we can bring ourselves to be grateful to our parents, and if we can bring ourselves to be humble in their sublime presence, and if we can only try to understand the goodness and mercies and blessings they wish to bring upon us….maybe, just maybe, we might be able to comprehend what mould of mercy the Creator has created our parents in.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24: Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan