Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I would like to seek your advice for the questions i have.I am a 17 year old girl and in love with a 25 year old man.One of the question i have is what is a proper age to get married in Islam and wether i am to young for it.And another question i wanted to ask is,my parents and his are not ready to get us married,and as i read in the past questions and answers sceret marriages should not be conducted.But i wanted to know if it is okay to leave the house and get married and keep living with the man your married with,and just informing the parents over the phone?.i would also like to know,the man i want to get married with does not have a proper job as yet and is still insisting on getting married,would that be right as we love each other alot,or would that be being foolish and should i just listen to my parents?.i would Appreciate you letting me know as soon as possible as we plan to make a decision soon.And can you please reply in detail for me 2 understand properly.Thank You 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Young girl in love

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: One of the question i have is what is a proper age to get married in Islam and wether i am to young for it.

Islam has not prohibited or approved a particular age when one can be eligible to marry; and the marriage can be consummated anytime after both the man and the woman pass the age of puberty.

Your Question: But i wanted to know if it is okay to leave the house and get married and keep living with the man your married with,and just informing the parents over the phone?

Although legally the marriage will be considered a legal marriage in Shariah, it would definitely not be considered righteous on the part of the girl (or boy) to marry without the consent and approval of their parents; nor would such an act earn the person the Pleasure and Good Will of Allah Subhanah.

Your Question: i would also like to know,the man i want to get married with does not have a proper job as yet and is still insisting on getting married,would that be right as we love each other alot,or would that be being foolish and should i just listen to my parents?.

Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, after the rights due to Allah and His Messenger (saws), the biggest rights in Islam are due to one’s parents! Although having a decent job is not a criteria for marriage in Islam, but getting the parents or guardians of the girl to approve and consent to marriage is definitely the right thing to do. If the man is insisting on marriage, then you too must insist that he do the righteous thing by going to your parents and officially and honorably asking for your hand in marriage.

Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, if you are seeking our honest opinion as your brothers in faith, we implore you not to take this drastic and evil step of elopement to marry the man of your choice. Either you or the boy must go to your parents and seek their prior approval; for that will earn you the blessing of not only your parents, but even the Good Will of Allah Subhanah, the Lord of the Worlds. We can understand and appreciate that you and the boy love each other tremendously, and cannot imagine living your lives without each other. I am sure the boy is a good man; but if we wanted to tell you how many such cases of elopement ended up in horror and disaster for the couple and their loved ones, Allah is our witness, we would not be able to!

It is not fair to our parents who have sacrificed so much to bring us up to this age, just so that we may simply disregard their selfless love and sacrifices, and dishonor them with a pain that they will never recover for the rest of their lives! One may marry the man of your choice, and have the option to leave him the next day; or the boy may marry the girl and have the option to leave her the next day; but the Merciful Lord has committed our parents to us to a binding and unbreakable relationship never to be broken until the soul leaves our bodies!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm’ (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one of the Names of Allah), and Allah, The High and Exalted He is, says: 'I will keep good relation with the one who will keep good relation with you (womb), and sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you (womb).’

Marriage in Islam is not only the union between two people, but it is a union between two families. It is one of the most important decisions one makes in one’s life; for once this step is taken in error, there is nothing one can do to undo the harm and damage one does to oneself or his/her loved ones. Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, we urge you in the name of Allah, to fear Him and do only what is Pleasing and Approved by Him. If may be that you think a thing is good for you, but it might be evil for you; and it may be that you think a thing is evil for you, but it might be good for you!

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216: But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. Allah Knows and ye know not.

We implore you in the name of the Merciful Lord to not take this evil option of elopement, but keep your full Trust in the Lord of the Worlds. If the boy is good for your future in this world and Hereafter, beg Allah Subhanah to bless you with him; and if he is not good for your future in this world and the Hereafter, implore Allah Subhanah to keep him away and bless you instead with an option which is best. Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, fear Allah Subhanah in whatever you do, and keep your full Trust in Him at all times, and seek help from Him Alone. Nothing, and I repeat, nothing in this Universe can happen without the precise Will and Command of the All Mighty, All Powerful Lord. If He Wills and Pleases to help you, the whole world can get together and they will not be able to harm you in the least; and if He Wills to withhold His Mercy as a trial on someone, the whole world can get together but they would not be able to help the person in the least!

Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, recognize this as a trial from your Lord, and seek His Help and His Mercy in everything you do.

May Allah Subhanah make your trial easy for you, help you, have Mercy upon you and your parents, and guide you to make the righteous decision that is worthy of winning His Pleasure and Good Will. May Allah Subhanah save you from all harm and keep you and your parents always in His Infinite Mercy and Sublime Protection. Ameen.

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan