Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

My parents-in-law stayed in my house for about 4 years helping to take care of my 3 children during that time while I go out to work helping my husband to pay off the home expenditures and paying his parents for their services etc. During their stay here, although I felt thankful for all their help, I felt uncomfortable that they are not only controlling my husband`s lives but mine as well. I understand that my husband being their son must be obedient to his parents but must they also control my life? Sometimes I feel that my parents in law purposely makes situation difficult to prove to me that even though their son is married to me, my husband must always give them the priority first and not me and this situation goes on till today after almost my ten years of marriage. Then when my husband`s younger brother needed my parents in law`s help with their children, they moved out of my house back to their own house and took care of my nieces there. I am very happy to quit my job taking care of my own children. However, they still hold the key to our apartment and comes in whenever they wish without informing us that they are coming. They feel that they have every right to do so since it is their son`s house (although I too contributed almost 50% of my money into it) and they have they key to it anyway. I am not happy about this because I think as a Muslim, although they are parents in law, they still need to respect our right to privacy in our very own home. Even when they were here, they intrude into many aspect of my marriage including my style of teaching my children. Sometimes I felt like divorce since I read some of your article saying that parents have every right to their kids and if so, they might just as well keep them throughout their lives if getting their kids married off caused them so much insecurity. Please tell me, what Islam really say about this.

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Answer:

In laws parents husband rights

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

After the rights due to Allah Subhanah, in Islam the biggest rights in all mankind is due to our parents. And after the rights of parents, is the rights of our near relatives, far relatives, muslims, neighbors, etc. In Islam, the law is that one must give all the rights due to each, without effecting the rights of others.

For instance, one cannot take away the right due to our parents, and give them to our wives and children. Neither can he take away the rights of the wives and children and give them to his parents. There should be a proper balance, and a muslim, who indeed fears Allah and the Last Day, should give each party its rights without effecting the rights of the other.

Regarding the rights and obligations of our parents upon us, it is imperative and obligatory on every believer, who fears Allah and the Last Day, to treat and obey his parents in absolutely everything, except if they ask you to do something which is against the command of Allah and His Messenger (saws). Other than that, their word is basically a command for us! We are not allowed in any circumstance to groan, moan, growl, whimper or even say ‘uff’ to them! We have to obey them in every respect, as long as their command is not against Allah and His Messenger (saws). We have been enjoined by Allah Subhanah to be kind to them, be patient with them, be merciful to them, be obedient to them, and treat them with the utmost respect. So much so, that this right and obligation is termed ‘fard ain’(absolutely obligatory for every individual) in Islam. And ‘fard ain’ means, that no matter how old you are … 10-20-50-90… as along as one or both of your parents are alive, you have to be obedient to them! No one can do this on your behalf… you have the obligation to do it yourself! This is the high station and the elevated ‘maqaam’ of parents in Islam.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 3523 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

A man came to the Prophet (saws) and said: “ O Messenger of Allah (saws), I have property and children, and my father finishes my property.” He (saws) replied: “You and your property both belong to your father; your children come from the pleasantest of what you earn; so enjoy from the earning of your children.”

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan