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Irresponsible and ignorant husband

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

 I've been married for 8 years. My husband claims that he's a very religious man .Although he prays 5 times a day, has performed hajj and also went for jamaat for 4 months. But he has been very negligent towards his responsibilities towards me and our two daughters. He does not work, is totally dependant on his parents for food, clothing and house. his parents have a shop but all the money is being kept by his mother. We live together in their house so the food and electricity bill are paid by my inlaws meaning my husband's parents. But all the rest of the expenses for my daughters and myself are borne by me. when i didn't work I had no money even for my own zakaat of my gold jewellery. now i work and i get very little salary but out of this salary i pay zakaat, i spend for my kids needs and my needs. only our daughters' school fees and My husband's clothings  are taken care of by his parents. I have to cook food for everybody at home, wash clothes, care for the kids and house, teach my kids as well, do shopping for them etc. My husband's sisters who are married live close by and often visit us find faults with me and always tell me that i'm not as good a wife as they had thought for their brother. My mother in law also joins in. My husband takes no notice of it all. He does not pay any attention to my any economical or emotional needs and only comes near me to satisfyhis own physical needs. Obviously i dont like him using me only as a sex toy for the last 8 years. I've spoken to him about it many times but he is indifferent to me and calls me Nashukrah. When i refuse him sex and i tell him to be mindful of our kids' needs and my needs he abuses me and says that he'll marry another girl. His parents and sisters do not respect me and always blame me for everything. 'm more educated and from a better family than my husband's but fate brought me here.I had an arranged marriage. My parents are no longer alive to see all this. I'm too stressed and oppressed. I get too tired physically and mentally. Although my inlaws and my husaband are all religious as far as namaaz and fasting is concerned but they never pay heed to my plea. What should i do? Please help as your answer might change his mind.

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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Sister, sometimes these so called religious people who pray, fast and perform Hajj think that there are no other responsibilities for which they are going to be accountable. Your situation is a very common problem of our Ummah.

The only way for you to face this catastrophe now that you are married, have children and your parents are no longer alive, is to bear with patience all these taunts and injustices. It could have been worse. Others face their man who does not fast and pray and then consumes alcohol and even does zina.

The time to check out your marriage partner is before the wedding. Most people do not put too much focus on this and make a hasty decision.

Sister, put love and understanding in your relationship with your husband. Grant him his few minutes of satisfaction. Then coax him to read the Quran in a language that he understands. Bear all the injustices without any complaints. This is your trial from your Lord. Be ever thankful to Him alone and make as many supplications as possible. When your trial is over, your time will come. Your children will become of age and your in-laws unjust practices will be exposed and your husband's eyes will open and he will realize his error. Keep your trust in Allah swt.. He will change your situation when He wills. Until then you have to be thankful, grateful and not complain to anyone except your Lord creator.

Don't expect anything from your husband. If you can't provide for your chuldren, teach them to be patient, thankful and always cheerful. This has worked for many righteous persons and you can only benefit. Do not ever get angry and do not back answer. You will see a profound change immediately and in time you will receive powers to run the lives of those that tormented you earlier.

The other option is demand a divorce. This is hateful and might not suit you. Where will you go? They might snatch your children from you unjustly. If you even find another man there is no guarantee that he would be better. Do you have support from your brothers, sisters or other family members?


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline

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