Wife having sex with Husband close friend
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear Sir,I have heard alot about your site and here i am looking for my answer which is not leting me sleep since 2 weeks.I am married over 10 years and have 3 children.My very close family friend 1 night in my absence came to my room and forcefully did sex with my wife( may be my wife consent was there or not) but what she told me was she was forcefully being raped or had sex. but after 3 month again he came back and had sex again with my wife's consent and this happened for almost 8 to 10 times. My friend used a a very smart tactics and made my wife to believe that i am into other girls and relations( which i am not and never have tought of). My friend misguided my wife and shaked her trust on me and made her to have sex with him but everytime she told him that this is not right. At one stage she started loving him since my friend had made such a bad perception of mine in her mind that she stopped listining to my advises. but one day i caught them both and i said nothing to my friend and my wife. I loove my wife very very badly but internally i am very angry and broken at heart on my wife and friend. I need your advise what should i do as per ISLAMIC LAWS. I have forgiven my wife from heart but still i feel what Islam says about such wives and husband, Friends who have sex with Friend's wife and how can she get to her normal life. I need your urgent reply since my wife and myself are in real bad shape mentally, we are not been able to stay focused having different toughts everytime and are restless and having a depression as well. I need to know the ISLAMIC way of treating this case. Regards, Need assistabnce on urgent basis
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Brother, the fact is your friend and wife have betrayed your trust. You are at fault too, for allowing your friend so much freedom to interact with your wife. You have broken the golden rule of Islam wherein no non-mehram is allowed to see your wife without a veil and cannot enter your house when you are not there nor talk to your wife void your presence. These laws were made by Allah swt to protect your family precisely from such situations to arise. If you have given your consent to break these laws then you will have to bear the consequences fully.
Brother first you should break all relations with your friend and ensure he never comes near you nor your family again. He should be banned from your life altogether.
Then you should talk seriously with your wife and ask her what she thought she was doing. Even if you were involved with other women does not mean she should commit this grave sin of zina. You have to find out whether she is sincere in her repentance and shows great remorse in what she has done. Has she made sincere taubah to Allah swt and made an effort to make many supplications for forgiveness. Has she repeatedly asked for your forgiveness and professed to give guarantees that she will never repeat this evil with anybody else in future.
If you sincerely feel that she is repenting her actions and she is eternally sorry and remorseful then and only then you should even think about forgiving her. If you have even an iota of doubt that she can relapse in doing zina again, then it would be best to divorce her now as she can bring much misery and shame to your family and life. It would be better to seek another wife who will love, cherish and honor you and your family and be totally loyal to you.
Brother the decision lies in your hand. If you can't trust your wife then separation is the best solution. Islam does not permit a man to remain married to a confirmed zani. Your wife did not commit this evil act once but several times. You have to take your time and be sure of your wife's intentions and loyalty.
If you opt to forgive her, then it must be from your heart and you should both be capable to forget what happened completely and live happily ever after. But if you doubt you can forget what your wife did and bring that episode up every time you have a confrontation then life will become miserable for both of you and your families. Then it is better to separate now.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
Members of Islamhelpline
Wister