Choice between parents and wife
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear brother in islam,
alsalam alaikum wa rahmat allah wa barakatuh.
i am married to a great woman, she is a good muslim, and we are very happily married. my only problem is with my parents. eventhough we married with the approval and blessing of both families, ever since my wedding night things get worse by the day. all this time i was trying to mend things and trying my best to maintain a good relationship with mt parents but unfortunately i have got to the point where i do not think i can go on. i mean i feel like i have to choose between my parents or my wife. i do not need a speech about how important your parents are in islam, it is obvious that i am sure of that otherwise i would have simply ignored them and lived extremely happily with my wife. the problem is that i feel like if i act to please my parents i will be unjust to my wife who is extremely understanding and always tries to bridge this gap between her and my parents, and I also know that a divorse is the worst of the halal that allah has permitted. Please advise . thank you.
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Choice between parents and wife
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Q-1: i have got to the point where i do not think i can go on. i mean i feel like i have to choose between my parents or my wife
My beloved brother, fear Allah and be patient, and consider your situation a trial for both you and your wife from Allah Subhanah. Let us examine the two options that you are considering:
Your First Option: is to abandon your parents
Allah (SWT) does not give the believers, who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day, the choice to exercise this option! In fact, The Merciful has specifically commanded the believers to respect and honor our parents, no matter under what circumstances and conditions.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verses 23-24:
23 Thy Lord hath Decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them; but address them in terms of honor.
24 And out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "O My Lord! Bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood."
Islam has raised the status of parents to a level that is unknown in any other religion, in that it has placed kindness and respect towards them on a level that is just one degree below belief in Allah (SWT) and true worship of Him. This is a specific Command and Decree from The Almighty which is inescapable and ultimatenote the word Decree used in the above quoted Aayah, emphasizing the inseparable nature of this relationship.
Your Second Option: is to abandon your wife
You obviously love your wife and do not wish to abandon her, and, why should you; when she is a pious and God-fearing muslimah, she seems to be a woman of sound knowledge and understanding and therefore the two of you have to jointly understand the significance of reconciling with the decree of Allah (SWT), this will InshaAllah be better for you in this world and in the Hereafter.
Having examined the two options, brother, I hope you realize that you are left with no choice, except for being patient and seeking help from Allah (SWT).
Never allow the thought of abandoning your parents come to your mind, no matter how complicated life gets.
Be patient, InshaAllah passing this simple trial may become the cause for Allah to open the doors of Paradise for both you and your wife.
Pray to Allah to make this trial easy for both of you.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,