Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Question 1: I am in love with a girl of 22 years (muslim) and I am 26 years, we both are deeply involved with each other and have decided to get married (insha-allah) with consent of our parents. But we have not disclosed this matter to our parents until now, we meet in privacy and quite often kiss one another and touch the private parts. I know that this act is a grave sin in the eyes of Allah, I seek forgiveness whenever I commit such deed but am not able refrain from this act as we are not able to control our feelings for one another and cannot stay without meeting each other. I want to marry her as soon as possible but I am not able to tell my parents about her because I have a sister for whom we are looking a good match. Could you please advice what we can do to stop indulging in such activities, I love her a lot and cannot stay away from her.
Question 2: I get sexually aroused when I meet her and get into foreplay when I meet her, but I dont ejaculate. But whenever I am alone and remember her I get aroused and I mastrubate, I am well aware that mastrubation is also a sin in islam. I dont know what to do I dont want to commit such sins knowingly and I always repent for it, but I am not able to control my sexual desires and in order to avoid commiting a big sin I mastrubate. I cannot get married soon and cannot stay away from her, I dont know what to do I am very disturbed since I am always thinking about her whenever I am free. I want to stop commiting such grave sins but I am not able since I am always misguided by Shaitaan, please advice what i need to do, if you suggest any dua`s to avoid such thinking I would be glad.
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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, it is a sign of your faith and belief in Allah Subhanah that you realize that meeting, or talking, or touching a non-mehram girl is a grave sin in the sight of the Lord. And since you are already aware that these are grave sins in the sight of Allah Subhanah, then you must fear the Wrath and accounting of the Majestic Lord, control your nafs, and strive to abstain from everything that transgresses the boundaries of Allah and His Messenger (saws).
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab
The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytaan makes a third."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah
We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
First and foremost you must immediately seek sincere repentance from the Merciful Lord for the transgression of His Boundaries, and make a solemn covenant with Him that you will not repeat them again; it is expected that you will find your Lord Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54: (O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136: Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
And if you so love the woman, then give her her due respect, do the honorable thing and seek her hand in marriage. And if for any reason you are not able to marry her for the time being, take the guidance and advice of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and observe fasts, as fasting reduce the sexual urge of mankind.
Beloved and dear Brother in Islam, whatever you do, fear Allah Subhanah, and His Anger and Wrath on those who transgress His Boundaries; and do not approach a non-mehram woman until you marry her. Shaytaan is an open enemy to man and he constantly inspires man to transgress the boundaries of the Merciful Lord; so treat Shaytaan as an enemy and seek refuge from Allah Subhanah from Shaytaans evil desires and inspirations.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 35 Surah Fatir verses 5-6:
5 O mankind! Certainly the promise of Allah is true. Let not then this present life deceive you, nor let the Chief Deceiver (Shaytaan) deceive you about Allah.
6 Verily, the Shaytaan is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy! He only invites his adherents that they may become Companions of the Blazing Fire.
Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, the only thing that can save man from the transgressing Allahs Boundaries is the fear and solemn belief that One Day every person will be brought forth in the Presence of the Majestic Lord to give a full accounting of his deeds; and no deed and act will be hidden on that Day from the All Knowing, All Seeing Lord of the Worlds. Only if one constantly remembers Allah Subhanah, and fears His Wrath and Anger everytime one comes close to transgressing His Boundaries, only then will he be able to control his nafs that inspires him towards transgression.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,