Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear Brothers in Islam,
I need urgent advice. I am pregnant and having serious difficulty in my marriage.
May Allah Forgive Me for Asking about this:
For months, even a year now, I have been working to pay bills. My husband gives me some money for rent afterwards, but I take care of most of rent money, clothing expense, food, doctor bills, etc.
I am working to be able to have money and insurance. My doctors have told me the pregnancy is "at-risk" due to my health. I have tried to quit work, but my husband disagrees.
He believes I should work through the pregnancy and that I need to pay bills, also. I feel alone, so alone. I feel that I cannot rely on him to help me out in my condition, financially and sometimes emotionally.
Also, there is another issue. He becomes extremely angry with me at times. (yelling at me and scaring me) (when I say I need to stay home). He yells a lot, and then ignores me and I am left feeling so alone, and don`t see him all day sometimes.
I am so grateful for this pregnancy, but feel that without husband`s financial support and emotional support I cannot continue. I just want the baby to have a good home, too.
The following interventions have been tried:
1) mediation by parents
2) going to a Muslim counselor
3) seeking advice then trying to help husband with his issues, and mine.
No resolution has occured through any of these means, the problem keeps re-occurring.
Please advise me as soon as possible on what is the best thing to do.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means (or wealth).
The All Knowing, All Wise Lord has commanded and put the complete and absolute financial responsibility of the household on the shoulders of the man. Even if the woman is a millionaire, she is not required to spend even a cent of her wealth on the upkeep of the house. It is the financial responsibility of the believing man to pay for the house, the food, the clothing, the medical bills, and everything else needed in maintaining a family.
If any believing man does not fulfill his duty and responsibility in maintaining his family, and forces or persuades the wife to work and pay part of the bills of the house against her will, he will be considered a transgressor of the boundaries laid down by Allah and will have a severe accounting indeed on an Inevitable Day in the Just Court of Allah Subhanah.
Beloved sister in Islam, the only thing that can change the mentality of the person who transgresses or breaks the laws of Allah and disregards the duties and responsibilities laid down upon him by his Creator, is to first invite him and then warn him to fear the Wrath and Anger of Allah Subhanah. Unless and until the person does not fear the Severe Accounting of Allah Subhanah, there is very little in the form of persuasion one can do to change his attitude and behavior.
Question: Please advise me as soon as possible on what is the best thing to do.
First and foremost, please be assured that your Merciful Lord and Creator is well aware of your situation and your condition; thus constantly supplicate and pray to Him to make this trial easy for you.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 186: And if My servants ask you, O Prophet, concerning Me, tell them that I am quite near to them. I hear and answer the prayer of the suppliant, when he calls on Me. So let them respond to My call and believe in Me. (Convey this to them), perhaps they may be guided aright!
Salman reported that the Prophet (saws), said, "Your Lord, the Blessed and the Exalted One, is Modest and Generous, and He loathes to turn away His servant empty-handed when he raises his hands to Him in supplication."
Narrated by Ahmad and Ibn Hibban.
Beloved sister in Islam, under the circumstances related you basically have three options:
With patience and wisdom, try to instill the fear of Allah in your husband, so that he may fulfill his duties and responsibilities laid upon him by his Creator.
Bear the injustice done with you with extreme patience, and seek your reward from the Lord Most Merciful in the Hereafter.
If after everything, nothing works; then the absolute last option would be to initiate a divorce and there would be no sin upon you.
In our humble opinion, you should take the first option and if that does not work, then take the second option, for Allah is with those who practice patience. If you can sum your courage and your patience and bear the injustice done to you keeping your faith in none but Allah Subhanah, then Insha Allah, your reward with your Merciful Lord will be confirmed for you on the Day of Judgment.
The most undesirable and last option should be the option to initiate a divorce and discontinue the relationship; but if, Allah forbid, that happened because the husband did not fulfill his responsibilities, then there would be absolutely no sin upon you.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws) said: Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,