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Does he really want to marry me? Please help me!!

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

 Im 19 i was born muslim and i have lived on my own since i was 16 i have been through alot in the past and i find it hard to trust people. I never used to be religious at all. I recently met a muslim and he is currently studying in my city and is in his final year. we have been speaking for a month and he has brought Iman into my life i have started to pray namaz everyday and i know even wear hijab. He has taught me alot and always answers any questions i have. 
On the second ocassion we met he told me his intention was marriage, he wants me to move to his city which is 3 hours away from my city but i have a contarct on my flat for another 6months. Also i would have to find a job first in his city and accomodation.  He hasn't told his parents or anyone about me, however he told me that he will never leave me and he loves me, he tells me his parents would love me and we talk about how many kids we would have and what we would name them.
My concern is when ever i text  him he takes  over 5 hours to reply and i can see he has read my message and is using his phone because whatsapp lets you see when the person last looked at there phone and i see he is contstantly on his phone. when i confront him he says he is busy with uni work but it is like this everyday and when we are together if he gets a message he replies straight away infront of me.
I have no elder to turn to or to ask for advice and i have prayed to Allah to guide me in this matter but i would like someones opinion on the matter if i am right to be worried or am i just being parranoid and letting my trust issuies get to me?
 
 

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Answer:

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Sister your worries are normal and very valid. Since you do not have a family to fall back upon such men make an impression (sometimes religious) on young minds and then they use you and throw you into the dumps. You have become religious is fine, but do not put your guard down.
 
Sister, only a loose woman gives herself away. A righteous woman does not arrange her own union. But since you do not have any family male elder, you have to be extra careful. When a marriage is arranged say by your father, he makes sure that the man is not conning and he has enough experience to read between the lines, check his family background and ask around for any character flaws. 
 
In your case the man knows that you do not have any family, so he may be taking you as a weak target to use you and dump you. Since you say you have been living alone, you should be street smart. Therefore insist on meeting his family yourself. Go with a girl friend (not alone) to his city, meet his mother and see how they receive you. Tell him to introduce you as his choice of a wife to his mother in your presence. Don't take anything on hearsay.
 
Do not elope with him before the nikah, otherwise you will be guilty of the grave sin of zina, and you will be erasing all the excitement of the marriage for the man. Keep him interested and ensure your future. Remember, you do not have a family to fall back upon, you have to ensure that the first time is right.
 
The answering of your whatsapp messages after a few hours gap should give you a signal how he is going to interact with you. You are going to be used as a doormat if you do not carefully scrutinize him completely. All investigations should be done before the marriage, as afterwards it is useless blaming your destiny. Do not hurry in saying yes, take your time and try to find out his past dealings. Take the trouble of meeting up with his family maybe half a dozen plus times. Befriend his sisters or cousins and dig out his character strengths and flaws. Be smart and you will not have to repent.
 
May Allah swt make your trials easy. Make many supplications to Allah swt and beg Him for His mercy and forgiveness. Make the istikhara by which InshaAllah Allah swt will guide and protect you from taking a wrong decision. Read the Quran in a language that you understand, keep righteous company and do good deeds always

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline


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