Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Brother In Islam

First of all I have been a fan of your website from more than a couple of years. I have noticed how you take out your precious time to help others without any greed and take time to reply to so many people with their questions and queries.

I have also come to you with a problem. I have so many confessions to make.

I am a 26 year old Muslim Girl. My parents raised me very well, they taught me limits, but I was the one that went astray.

I started to have sex at the age of 16. I got married to the Guy who was a Non Muslim Man, a Christian. He lied to my parents about converting in to a Muslim just to marry me, and I knew this.

I was so in love cos I gave my virginity to this guy and I was married with this guy for 6 months and he cheated on me with other women and left evidences and admitted himself he cheated on me, so make my self feel better and secure and to get rid of the paranoia that was running through my veins. I thought, if he is cheating on me, why shouldn't I. I cheated on him with MANY men. I had sex with more than 10 guys just to feel better on the inside that I too am having fun if he is. It was more like a revenge thingy. I feel ashamed. DEEPLY.

After our divorce, to overcome the sadness and the pain I had been through I started having sex with different men AGAIN. I have done the nastiest things on this planet and I feel ASHAMED of myself. I look at my body and my skin, I'm like Why did I abuse myself for unworthy people.

Another man came into my life when I turned 23. He was a Muslim. We got married and we lived together for a week but I did not let him touch me, we never had sex because I used to sleep in the other room. I did this because I was not in love with him. So the second marriage failed too. According to the western society my marriage was more like "Annulled" because it was for less than a week and Allah is aware we did not sleep together. The marriage came to an end. At the time of divorce, he himself wrote on papers that the marriage was annulled and he mentioned that we did not have sex.

Ever since then, I have been going out with so many guys seeing them not for the sake of having sex, but meeting them for marriage reasons, and they become very sweet and kind and somehow we end up having sex, I have done many nasty things just for the fact I wanna get married and settle down for one last time and for as long as I live. These guys don't want to marry me, they just abuse my body by lying to me that they want to marry, they're all Muslims. I trusted them all and gave my body to please them for the greed that they would ask me to marry them.

I am 26 now. I have been staying away from men, it's been a month now. I am Ashamed of myself. I don't want to abuse my body any longer. I am afraid of going to hell. I am afraid of the hell fire. I cry a lot. I am ashamed. I feel BAD. I have no words to express how HORRIBLE I feel about my past nasty stories. I feel filthy. This is not what my parents taight me. I feel digusted with myself knowing I have wronged my soul. I feel like a digusting pig for committing these sins and doing bad for my soul and the hereafter.

Dear Brother I have told you all my confessions. I have some questions.

1 - Was My first marriage valid according to Islam, since the groom was not even a Muslim?

2-Was my second marriage valid in Islam, for the fact it lasted for 2 weeks and divorced and no sex at all?

3- I am about to get married for the third time and the Groom is a Divorced guy who has a daughter. He knows about my failed marriage as he is my own cousin I'll be marrying. Should I tell him about my past pre-marital relationships and how many guys I slept with before marriage? Should I be true to tell him this? Because my inside is killing me and I am not sure if I should tell him or not. If I tell him, he wouldn't marry me at all, even the fact he himself had pre-marital affairs (even with me when we were teens). If I tell my past Apart from divorce to any man in this world, none would marry me. I feel ashamed. Do you think its important in Islam to tell my new husband to be the truth before we're married?

4- My father is deceased. I had misbehaved with him many times. And he was very upset about my future and all the failed marriages. But before he passed away I asked him to forgive me. He said he had forgiven me. Do you think Allah will accept my apology for my father?

5- I pray, maybe not 5 times, but 3 times a day, I try to, will Accept my prayers and my forgiveness as I am such a huge sinner?

6- I don't want to end up going to hell. What can I do to remove these sins? Or what can I do, so that Allah may save me from the severe punishment. I always repent but end up breaking my Repentence/ Promises.

Dear Brother, will Allah forgive me? as far as I know that zina is one of the biggest sins that will never be forgiven?

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Sister repentance from zina

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

May Allah Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in the propagation of the Truth. If our humble and modest efforts have helped even one brother or sister get closer to Allah and His Deen of Truth, then we would consider ourselves indeed fortunate to have been given this opportunity by the Lord Most Merciful to serve in His Cause. We hope, beg, and pray the Merciful Lord accepts our humble and weak efforts, forgives us our shortcomings, and saves you, us, and all the believers from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.

Q-1: Was My first marriage valid according to Islam, since the groom was not even a Muslim?

All it takes for a disbeliever to revert to Islam is to verbally declare the ‘shahaadah’. Once a person declares the ‘shahaadah’, absolutely regardless of what intentions the person might hold in their heart, he/she will be considered a ‘legal’ muslim, and every single right that is available to a believer will be accorded to them in full.

Regardless of whatever intentions he had in his heart at the time he declared the ‘shahaadah’, he will be considered a ‘legal’ muslim and his marriage to a believing woman will be considered valid in the Sight of Shariah Law.

Because you conspired with your first husband to lie to your parents regarding the real intentions behind his reversion to Islam, you will have an appropriate share in the heinous sin of your first husband for making a mockery of the Laws of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme.

Q-2: Was my second marriage valid in Islam, for the fact it lasted for 2 weeks and divorced and no sex at all?

Provided that all the conditions of a ‘nikaah’ are honored, absolutely regardless of whether or not the couple choose to conjugate in their marriage, and absolutely regardless of how long the marriage lasted, the marriage itself will be considered absolutely valid in the Sight of Shariah Law.

Q-3: Do you think its important in Islam to tell my new husband to be the truth before we're married?

It does not behove and befit a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, that when Allah Subhanah has covered and hidden the evil that has transpired in one’s past, to go around and expose it themselves!!!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.95 Narrated by Abu Huraira

I heard Allah's Messenger (saws) saying, "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the ‘Mujahirin’ (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins from the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knew of the sin except the one who committed it and Allah) and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself."

Respected sister, it would be prudent never ever to expose the evil one might have done in one’s past to anyone, especially after The Lord Most Gracious has concealed them Himself. It may happen that although the wife may confess the evil that transpired in her past to her husband with the best of intentions, he may be of a nature whereby he cannot bring himself to accept the truth, and that might effect not only her honor in his eyes, but it might even have a negative effect on his marital relationship with her.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2492 Narrated by Hudhayfah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "It is not fitting for a believer to demean himself." On being asked how he could demean himself he (saws) replied, "By exposing himself to a calamity which he has not the capacity to endure."

It would be best and purest to confess the sins one might have committed in one past to none save Allah Subhanah; and never ever expose those deeds of the past which one is ashamed of to anyone in creation, especially after Allah Subhanah, in His Grace and Mercy, has concealed those deeds Himself.

What the person who has committed the heinous crime of ‘zina’ can and must do is turn back to their Lord in ‘Taubah’ and seek sincere forgiveness for their transgression; it is expected that they will find their Lord Forgiving and Merciful.

Q-4: My father is deceased. I had misbehaved with him many times. And he was very upset about my future and all the failed marriages. But before he passed away I asked him to forgive me. He said he had forgiven me. Do you think Allah will accept my apology for my father?

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

If one has misbehaved or been rude to one’s parents, one needs to seek not only the forgiveness from their parents, but also from Allah Subhanah…..for there are only a handful of sins rated higher than the sin of being disobedient to one’s parents in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the Biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be disobedient to one's parents."

Respected sister, if you are sincerely repentant and sought forgiveness for your disobedience from your parents and from Allah Subhanah, and your father specifically said that he forgave you before he died….it is expected that your Lord Most Gracious will accept your sincere ‘taubah’ and repentance and not hold you accountable for your sin on the Day of Judgment, Insha Allah.

Q-5: I pray, maybe not 5 times, but 3 times a day, I try to, will Accept my prayers and my forgiveness as I am such a huge sinner?

Q-6: I don't want to end up going to hell. What can I do to remove these sins? Or what can I do, so that Allah may save me from the severe punishment. I always repent but end up breaking my Repentence/ Promises.

Whatever deeds one might have done in one’s past, if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere ‘Taubah’ and seeks forgiveness, Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran that He will forgive ALL the sins of such a repentant believer, even if one has committed the gravest sin of all: ‘Shirk’! Not only that, our Lord is so Merciful and Generous, that He not only will forgive the sins of such sincerely repentant believers, He will change their evil deeds done into good deeds!

The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:

·                     One is aware that one has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at one’s sin.

·                     Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that one will not repeat one’s sin again.

·                     Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before one has met with one’s appointment of death.

·                     Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71:

The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth. When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them, they say, “Peace to you”; (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, “O our Lord, save us from the torment of Hell, for its torment is killing! It is an evil abode, and an evil resting place”. (And those) who, when they spend are neither extravagant, nor miserly, but keep the golden mean between the two extremes. (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone, nor kill a soul unjustly, which Allah has forbidden, nor commit adultery… He who does this shall be punished for his sin, and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall abide in a state of ignominy; EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS), AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS. For then, Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds, and He is very Forgiving and Merciful. In fact, one who repents and does righteous deeds, returns to Allah as one rightly should!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2339 Narrated by Abu Sa'id

Allah's Messenger (saws) said that the Shaytaan said, "By Thy Might, my Lord, I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies!" The Lord, Who is Great and Glorious, replied, "By My Might, Glory and Exalted Station, I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness!"

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6499 Narrated by Abu Dharr Ghaffari

Allah's Messenger (saws) said that Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, stated: “He who comes with goodness, there are in store for him ten like those and even more than those; and he who comes with vice, it is only for that that which he is called to account. I even forgive him as I like, and he who draws close to Me by the span of a palm, I draw close to him by the cubit; and he who draws close to Me by the cubit, I draw close to him by the space (covered) by two hands; and he who walks towards Me, I rush towards him; and he who meets Me in the state that his sins fill the earth, but not associating anything with Me, I would meet Him with the same (vastness) of pardon (on My behalf)."

Thus my respected sister, never never never ever despair of the magnitude and the vastness of the Mercy of your Lord Most Gracious. Absolutely regardless of the quality and the quantity of the sins you might have committed in your past, it is never too late to turn unto your Lord Most Gracious in ‘taubah’ and seek sincere forgiveness….for your Lord Most Merciful can and does forgive all the sins of His repentant believers.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.676 Narrated by Abu Said Al Khudri

The Prophet (saws) said, "Amongst the men of Bani Israel there was a man who had murdered ninety-nine people. Then he set out asking (whether his repentance could be accepted or not). He came upon a monk and asked him if his repentance could be accepted. The monk replied in the negative and so the man killed him. He kept on asking till a man advised to migrate to such and such a place where the inhabitants of that place were righteous. (So he left for that place) but death overtook him on the way. The Angels of Mercy and the Angels of Punishment disputed amongst themselves regarding him (who amongst them would take possession of his soul). Allah ordered the Angels to measure the distance between the deceased’s body and the two places (ie. the place he left and the place he intended to migrate to). If the distance from the place where the person left was shorter than the place where the person intended to migrate to, the Angels of Punishment should take the soul; and if the distance was greater, the Angels of Mercy had possession of the soul. It was determined that the distance the person was migrating to was one span shorter than the place he had left; thus Allah Subhanah forgave him all his sins and Decreed that the Angels of Mercy took possession of the soul.”

Respected sister, the vastness of your Lord’s Mercy is such that He is willing to forgive the sins of a murderer who had committed a hundred murders….provided one turns back unto their Lord Most Gracious in ‘taubah’ and seeks sincere forgiveness for their sins!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan