Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I am engaged with the approval of my parents to be married. Now at the last minute, my parents decide to postpone the wedding.I am against it, and so are my future in laws. My future in laws and I are going ahead with the Nikah. My parents are objecting, and says they will not attend.

What should I do? 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Marriage without parents approval

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Although the consent of the boy’s parents is not an obligatory condition of a marriage in Islam, it would only be piety and righteousness on the part of the son to make sure that he has the approval and consent of his parents before he marries the girl. If for any reason one finds that their parents are just not willing to consent to their choice, it would be better to marry another girl whom the boy and the parents both approve of….for marriage in Islam is but a ‘Sunnah’ (voluntary), but to obey one’s parents is ‘Fard-ayn’ or absolutely obligatory upon every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise and your Hell!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)

(4) And to give a false witness."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

Respected brother, if you went ahead with the marriage without your parent’s approval, the marriage itself would be legal….but your getting married without your parents approval would be against the etiquette of piety and righteousness.

Piety and righteousness dictate that you either, in all humility, convince your parents; or accede to their demand to postpone the marriage. Marriage in Islam is but a ‘Sunnah’ (voluntary)….but to obey your parents is a ‘Fard-Ayn’ (Absolute Obligatory); and an obligatory act should always take precedence over a voluntary act.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan