My father very rude to me even from my small age.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Asalamualaikum,
My father very rude to me even from my small age, i.e even i was studying my KG
classes. He hasn`t spoken to me since the age of 7. He will shout if any of my
friends call or come to our home. He won`t allow me to visit our relatives nor
he takes me to them. Now I am 28. I love my mom very much. I don`t like my
father. I donno whether its unislamic. I do whatever my moms ask me to do.I
offer salah rgularly and do zakkah. Even now we don`t talk to each other. I am
married now. When I was studing for engineering, if any of my friends called my
home, he used to say bad things about me like I am a drunkard etc etc. I
haven`t done anything like that in my life. Now after these long years of
treatment like this, i don`t even feel like seeing him anymore. Even though we
stay in the same house, we don`t see each other nor talk to each other. My
question is, i want to know whether I am doing anything wrong in the islamic
point of view? Please advise on this
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Answer:
Disown abusive evil
father
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, it is in the very
inherent nature of parents that they unconditionally love their off-spring, are
kind and tender to them, always keep the interest and well-being of their
off-spring ahead of their own, and amongst creation, none has the capacity to
be more forgiving and more merciful to another than one’s parents to their own
off-spring. That is the inherent nature
the Lord Most Merciful has bestowed upon parents….not only is nature bestowed
by the Lord upon human beings, but even the fiercest and wildest animals like
tigers and lions are merciful and tender towards their own off-spring!
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.29 Narrated by Abu Huraira
I heard Allah's Messenger (saws) saying:
‘Allah divided Mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninety-nine parts
with Him (for the Day of Resurrection) and sent down its one part on the earth.
(And it is because of that one-part of mercy that) His creations are merciful
to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby
animal, lest it should trample on it."
Such is the veracity, reality, and actuality of this
nature of kindness and mercy of the parents towards their off-spring, that one
would be hard pressed to find even one verse in the Glorious Quran whereby the
Lord Most High has commanded the parents to be kind, loving, and merciful
towards their children!!! The very
nature of being a parent does not allow them to be abusive or evil towards
their children….
Thus if there is a parent who does not fulfill their responsibilities
towards their off-spring, or they create problems amongst their off-spring, or
they abuse their off-spring, or they intentionally make their children’s life
miserable, or they intentionally hurt their children practically and
verbally….Allah is our witness brother, such parents go against the very nature
of kindness and mercy bestowed upon them by their Lord…..and such parents will
have a severe accounting for their misdeeds in the Presence of their Lord Most
Majestic on that Tumultuous Day of Justice.
Beloved brother in Islam, as much as one is hard pressed
to find a verse of guidance in the Glorious Quran commanding the parents to be
kind and merciful towards their children…..there is a multitude of guidance
available in the Glorious Quran and the Sunnah regarding the relation a
righteous off-spring should have towards his parents…especially when their
parents reach or approach old age!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah
Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should
not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat
your parents with great kindness; if
either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined
on mankind (to be good) to their parents: in travail upon travail did his
mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command)
"Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds
of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the
‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied:
"They are:--
- To
join others in worship with Allah,
- To
be undutiful to one's parents,
- To
kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the
crime of murder),
- And
to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
"Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Greatest sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger
(saws)!" He (saws) said, "To
join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's
parents."
After the rights due to Allah and His Messenger (saws), in
Islam the biggest rights in all mankind are due to one’s parents. The enormity of being undutiful to one’s
parents can be imagined by the fact that The Messenger of Allah (saws) listed
being undutiful to one’s parents as the second gravest of all the gravest sins
in Islam!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3653 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr
The Prophet (saws) said, "An
undutiful son, a gambler, one who casts up what he has given, and one
who is addicted to wine will not enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, regardless of what one’s
parents do or say, regardless of whether or not they fulfill their
responsibilities towards their off-spring or not, regardless of their conduct,
or character, or condition….their child, being one who sincerely believes in
Allah and the Last Day, should never never ever resent them, or be rude towards
them, or say unto them even a harsh word!
And if their Lord has blessed one or both your parents to reach an
abject old age, and their age has made them senile, or troublesome, or
quarrelsome, or even unreasonable….bring to remembrance the time when the
off-spring himself was a totally and completely helpless infant and they
brought him up with kindness and affection……thus when they reach that abject
old age where after having known and done much, they know nothing….it is
precisely at this stage of their lives when the off-spring is Commanded by
their Lord to treat them with absolute and total humility, and tenderness, and
kindness, and mercy….and whatsoever their age or their condition may make them
say or do….do not even say ‘uff’ to them…but speak to them words of humility
and pray to the Lord Most Merciful to have mercy upon them, just as they had
mercy on their child in its infancy.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah
Nahl verse 70:
70 It is Allah who creates you and takes your souls at death; and of
you there are some who are sent back to a feeble age so that they know
nothing after having known (much): for Allah is All-Knowing
All-Powerful.
My dear and beloved brother, as troublesome and quarrelsome
old age might have made one’s parents…remember that this life is only a place
of test and a trial….and the honor of serving one’s parents in their old age is
an opportunity for the righteous to earn the ultimate reward of Paradise from
their Lord in the Hereafter.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your
relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be
humbled into dust! Let him be humbled
into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of his parents
during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter
Regardless of whatever one’s parents might choose to say
or do unto their off-spring…… it just does not behove and befit one who
sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day to treat them harshly, or Allah
forbid, disown them! Allah is our
witness brother, there is only one crime and sin greater in the Sight of Allah
than an off-spring being rude, or manner-less, or harsh with their words and their
deeds with their parents….ie. ‘shirk’ or associating other gods with Allah
Subhanah!!!
If one (Allah forbid) finds one’s parents enraged upon
them for any reason whatsoever, absolutely regardless of who is at fault, or
who started the argument or disagreement…….the absolute first thing they should
do is in extreme humility and politeness seek their forgiveness, and staying
within the boundaries of Allah Subhanah, strive their utmost to appease their
rage. In their anger or rage, even if
one’s parents were to say bad or abusive things to their children, it would be
the duty of the child to humbly listen and absorb whatever they might choose to
say without as much as building a frown upon their forehead!!!! Such is the level of humility and tenderness
and kindness expected from an off-spring in regards to their parents in Islam.
That would be akin to piety and righteousness on the part of the child in the
Sight of Allah Subhanah.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands
of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one
can be assured of never ever being misled;
but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than
that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led
astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister