Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Salam Alaiakum,

I was in a relationship a while ago and had intercourse with her, i have since broke up with her and made towba to ALLAH , i have also recently completed HAJ and i honestly believe that i have been forgiven IN SHA` ALLAH.

now i want to look for a muslim wife so that i can try to get stronger in my deen and not fall

back into old habits, what i want to know is, when i look for someone should i tell them about my past or not?

i`ve heard that your not suposed to spread your past wrong doings but at the same time i think that she has a right to know(whoever she may be). i only want Allah`s acceptance and guidence and any help you can give me will be greatly appriciated

wa Jazakum ullahi kharan. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Tell past deeds

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Statement: I was in a relationship a while ago and had intercourse with her, i have since broke up with her and made towba to ALLAH , i have also recently completed HAJ and i honestly believe that i have been forgiven IN SHA` ALLAH.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin!"

My dear and beloved brother in Islam, regardless of whatever sins one might have in one’s past in ignorance, if one turns to their Lord in humility and in fear and sincerely seeks forgiveness; it is expected that they will find their Lord Forgiving and Merciful.

Your Question: what i want to know is, when i look for someone should i tell them about my past or not? i`ve heard that your not suposed to spread your past wrong doings but at the same time i think that she has a right to know(whoever she may be).

It does not behove and befit a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, that when Allah Subhanah has covered and hidden one’s evil deeds, to go around and expose it himself!!!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin!"

Beloved brother, it would be prudent never ever to expose your sins to anyone, especially after your Lord Most Gracious has concealed them Himself. It may happen that although you may confess your sins to your future wife with the best of intentions, she may be of a nature whereby she cannot bring herself to forgive you your sins; and that might effect not only your honor in her eyes, but it might even have a negative effect on your marital relationship with her.

Thus, it would be best and purest to confess your sins to none save Allah Subhanah; and never ever expose the deeds you might have done in the past, especially after Allah Subhanah, in His Absolute Grace and Mercy, has concealed those deeds Himself.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan