Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalam u alaikum

my question is rather controversial I imagine, but wherever I look I cannot seem to find an answer

I am aware that in islam it is forbidden to use foriegn objects during sexual intercourse

...well I was married recently, and I like to tease my wife. She very much also likes being controlled and told what to do... you know, for sexual pleasure

but we are both wondering if it is allowed for a muslim husband to, for instance, tie his wife to the bed by her hands - with her consent of course

...am I allowed to slap her or bite her. She likes it when I talk about this, and she certainly likes the idea of pain and then pleasure

...but we are both very confused. I thought I would not meet a girl who will be so in touch with my own sexual desires. Yet I did meet such a girl, and now we are married, but dont know if such actions are permissable in Islam

in short I want to know this:

1- can I tie up my wife, and then tease her sexually?

2- can I bite her during sex?

3- can I do roleplays, i.e. punish her for being naughty, put her across my knee and slap her?

we find these things very arousing in our sexual talk, but as I say, we need to know if such things are permissable in Islam?

this is hard to elaborate on but I hope you understand.

We have both decided to seek guidance on this issue, and will love it if you can reply as soon as possible

thankyou very much. We will wait for you answer

Allah hafiz

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Answer:

Sex fantasy limitations

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verses 222-223:

222 They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: ‘They are a hurt and a pollution; so keep away from women in their courses and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly, and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.’

223 Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will.

What we can do for you here is list the few things that are haraam or forbidden when it comes to sex between a married couple in Islam. As is the principle with the concept of haraam in Islam, everything that which is not listed as haraam is considered legal for the believers.

Thus, what Allah and His Messenger have forbidden in a sexual relationship between husband and wife is:

Anal sex.

Having sexual intercourse with the woman during her menses.

Some scholars have also voiced their opinion against touching either of the partner’s sex organs with the mouth. But because nothing is mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah, the scholars have not said it is specifically ‘haraam’ or forbidden… The most they have said is that one should fear Allah and stay away from this act as it is considered impure, unclean and unhealthy.

Other than these three, the husband and the wife have all the liberty with regard to sex in their relationship.

Your Questions:

1- can I tie up my wife, and then tease her sexually?

2- can I bite her during sex?

3- can I do roleplays, i.e. punish her for being naughty, put her across my knee and slap her?

we find these things very arousing in our sexual talk, but as I say, we need to know if such things are permissable in Islam?

this is hard to elaborate on but I hope you understand.

Dear and Beloved brother in Islam, other than the above listed three things (anal, menses, and oral sex) which are forbidden in a sexual relationship between a married couple in Islam, everything esle, and we repeat, everything else will be deemed permissible for the believers if they wish to do so.

If both the partners in marriage are willing, there is absolutely no harm and absolutely no restriction in Islam if one ties the other, and/or teases them, and/or bites them, and/or plays games or ‘roleplays’, or carries out every fantasy that their hearts desire!

It is indeed unfortunate that some ignorant scholars propagate the act of sex, or the carrying out of sexual fantasies between a married couple as something ‘evil’ or non-encouraged in Islam. The Truth is that Allah Subhanah has made this fulfillment of one’s natural physical desire with all its manifestations, not only absolutely legal between a married couple in Islam, but as a good deed and a source of earning huge rewards from Allah Subhanah! Islam encourages its followers to carry out every sexually fantasy their heart desires, but limits them strictly to enjoy these fantasies with their legally married spouse only! With the exception of the three prohibited acts of sex (anal, menses, and oral), the believers are free to enjoy their conjugal relations with their legally married spouse to their hearts desire.

Abu Dharr Ghaffari relates that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘The Sadaqah from you is prescribed for you, and there is a reward for you [even] in sex with your wife.' It was asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws) is there a reward if one satisfies his passion?’ He (saws) said: "Do you know that if he satisfies it unlawfully he has taken a sin upon himself? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he is rewarded.’

Related by Ahmad and Muslim.

Praise be to Allah Subhanah Alone Who had made the deen of Islam vast and in accordance with the nature He bestowed upon man.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan