Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

WHY CANT WOMEN GOTO CEMENTRY?ARE FLOWER BULBS ALLOWED ON GRAVE (eg DAFFODILS,TULIPS)?WHY IS THE HUSBAND NOT ALLOWED TO PUT HIS WIFE BODY IN THE KABAR/GRAVE 

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Answer:

Why women cannot go to graves?

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Q-1: WHY CANT WOMEN GOTO CEMENTRY?
It is reported in an authentic narration that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “, "May Allah curse the women who are frequent visitors of the graves."

Related by Ahmad, Ibn Maajah and Tirmidhi.

Imam Malik and some Hanafi scholars, and, according to one report from Ahmad, most of the scholars hold it permissible for women to visit graves. Hadrat Abdallah ibn Abi Mulaikah (r.a.) is also reported to have said, "Once Aishah (the wife of the Prophet) returned after visiting the graveyard. I asked, 'O Mother of the Believers, where have you been?' She said: 'I went out to visit the grave of my brother Abd ar-Rahman.' I asked her: 'Didn't the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, prohibit visiting graves?' She said, 'Yes, he did forbid visiting graves during the early days, but later on he ordered us to visit them'."

Related by Al-Hakim and Al-Baihaqi.

Anas reported: "The Prophet(saws) saw a woman crying by the grave of her son, and said to her, 'Fear Allah, and be patient.' She replied, 'What do you care about my tragedy?' When he went away, someone told her, 'Indeed, that was the Messenger of Allah (saws).' The woman felt extremely sorry and she immediately went to the Prophet's house, where she did not find any guards. She called out: 'O Messenger of Allah! I did not recognize you.' The Prophet (saws) said, 'Verily patience is needed at the time of the first affliction'.'' (Bukhari and Muslim) This supports the argument in favor of the permissibility of women visiting graves, for the Prophet, peace be upon him, saw her at the grave and did not show his disapproval of it.

The purpose of visiting graves is to remember the Hereafter, which is something that both men and women need. Men are by no means more in need of this reminder than women. Some scholars disliked it for women to visit graves as they are less patient and too emotional. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "May Allah curse the women who are frequent visitors of the graves." (Reported by Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and Tirmidhi)

Al-Qurtubi said: "The curse mentioned in this hadith applies only to those women who visit graves frequently. The reason for this curse lies perhaps in the fact that it involves infringement of the rights of the husband, and leads to adornment and exhibition of their beauty to strangers, and shouting, yelling, and other similar things." It may be said that, "If no such harm is feared from women visiting graves, then there is no valid reason for preventing them from visiting graves, for indeed remembrance of death is something that both men and women equally need."

Most of the scholars in Islam hold it permissible for the women to visit the graves occasionally; but hold it forbidden for the women to visit the graves frequently as stated by the Messenger of Allah (saws).

Q-2: ARE FLOWER BULBS ALLOWED ON GRAVE (eg DAFFODILS,TULIPS)?

Aishah reported: "Umm Habibah and Umm Salamah mentioned to Allah's Messenger (saws) a church in which they saw drawings while in Abyssinia, whereupon he (saws) said: 'Those people used to build a place of worship over the grave of a righteous man among them when he died, and make such drawings in it. These will be the worst of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection.''

Related by Bukhari and Muslim.

The scholars of Islam are unanimous in their opinion that the raising of the grave, building domes over graves, building shrines on graves, and erecting mosques around graves is absolutely prohibited in Islam. The Prophet (saws) invoked the curse of Allah on those who did that. The practice of erecting buildings around graves and beautifying them causes corruption, which Islam seeks to eliminate.

Placing flowers on the graves is a custom and ritual of the pagans, the idol-worshippers, and the People of the Book, etc.; and not a practice which behoves the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.780 Narrated by Nafi

Ibn Umar said: “The Prophet (saws) said, "Do the opposite of what the pagans do.”

Q-3: WHY IS THE HUSBAND NOT ALLOWED TO PUT HIS WIFE BODY IN THE KABAR/GRAVE 

There is absolutely no restriction in Shariah which prohibits the husband putting the body of his wife in the grave, if he wishes to do so. Shariah also allows that if there are no women available to bathe the woman in preparation for her funeral, the husband is allowed to bathe her and prepare her body for her funeral.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan