Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Asslamu-alaikum

I am male and 21 years old, i have been suffering from many problems, hope you will help me in this regard.

1. I had an affair with girl, but i broke up due to unlawful relation in Islam, but i am unable to forget her. she still fascinates me, and i cant focus on my prayer.

2. Since last 5 months, i have started about 5 times prayers, and reciting Durrood, and i pray to get rid off from masturbation, and forget my old GF, but still i am unable.

3. My parents want me to marry a girl, but i tried my best to make her my choice, and prayed to God to make her my choice, but result inverse.

4. I want to marry in this month, because according to Islam, there is no way out to satisfy my sexual need other than marriage( i also want to get rid off masturbation), and i can`t tell my parents that i want to marry, and if my parents arrange the marriage for me, then still it would take about 1 and half year, and that`s long enough time to control upon my sexual desires, which urges me. Please help me what should i do?

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Answer:

Hurry to marry girl

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Although the consent of the boy’s parents is not an obligatory condition of a marriage in Islam, it would only be piety and righteousness on the part of the son to make sure that he has the approval and consent of his parents before he marries the girl. If for any reason one finds that their parents are just not willing to consent to their choice, it would be better to marry another girl whom the boy and the parents both approve of….for marriage in Islam is but a ‘Sunnah’ (voluntary), but to obey one’s parents is ‘Fard-ayn’ or absolutely obligatory upon every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise and your Hell!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)

(4) And to give a false witness."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

Respected brother, if you went ahead with the marriage without your parent’s approval, the marriage itself would be legal….but your getting married without your parents approval would be against the etiquette of piety and righteousness.

Piety and righteousness dictate that you either, in all humility, convince your parents; or accede to their demand to postpone the marriage. Marriage in Islam is but a ‘Sunnah’ (voluntary)….but to obey your parents is a ‘Fard-Ayn’ (Absolute Obligatory); and an obligatory act should always take precedence over a voluntary act.

Your Question: ….if my parents arrange the marriage for me, then still it would take about 1 and half year, and that`s long enough time to control upon my sexual desires, which urges me.
Please help me what should i do?

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 268:

The Shaitaan threatens you with poverty and prompts you to adopt indecency (or acts of shamelessness). Allah promises you His Forgiveness and Bounties, and Allah cares for all, and He knows all things.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah

We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

Respected brother, if you adhere to the advise of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and observe voluntary fasts, not only will it diminish the instigations of the Shaytaan towards ‘fahisha’ and indecency, you will also earn a huge reward from your Lord Most Gracious for striving to live within His Prescribed Boundaries.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan