Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I have a question to ask u.am a muslim girl alhamdulillah..v used to visit one of my parents relatives home frequently from childhood..i was very friendly to my cousins there.i don know how i think i fell in love wid my cousin.i don kno why.we hav grown up together..we used to talk like family members or shud i say like brother n sister..but from the last few years i feel i hav startd to like him,n i think it would be better if i got married to him.i don kno if he likes me ,though i think he does.when i was in my scool days i dint kno much about islam.only i knew v hv to read namaz n dat v hav to fast.nothing much..but during my college days i startd to develop a great interest in islamic teaching.,and gathering information about islam.and now i kno cousins fall in the category of non mehrams n v shud observe hijab wid them n also not talk casually..

My problem is we both are used to talk freindly wth each other from childhood.Now what shud i do.how shud i speak wid him now.whenever he comes home he speaks wid me friendly..but due to my fear in allah i try to speak wid him as seriously as possible..am also scared of the fact dat if he proposes me wat vl i do.if i deny i vl be lyng n if i accept i kno v cant get married soon coz he has older siblings,nd if v hav to wait i fear we might commit sin. sometimes i don go infront of him at all as i fear i vl forget my deen n start talkin to him as i used to talk before..he complains always dat y i dont speak to him n avoiding him..I feel very embarassed n guilty...I feel if only i knew before dat v shudnt be so casual wid our cousins ,i wouldnt hav fallen in love wid him nd wudnt hav felt so embarassed myself nd also make him feel embarassed.i feel itz allahs punishment dat am feeelng like dis. i dont avoid him.but i speak whatever he asks me, but seriously.but i feel embarassed and i think it shows on my face.I feel he is misunderstanding me.I feel he thinks am doin so coz i dont want to get married to him as he is not earning so much rite now and am waitng to go to a rich household.but the truth is dat am only following allahs commands.i wud be happy if i got married to him.

My question is how to reply him when he asks me y am i not speakng to him like before.

Sometimes i feel like telng him "look as we are cousins v are not supposed to speak casually".but i feel funny to tel him dat and i kno i vl start laughing wen i tel him dat coz v r such close family from such a long time n itz very difficult for me to tel him to stop spaeking to me casually, suddenly.plz tel what shud i do or say when he asks me y am i not speakng to him like before.plz help me brother to solve this problem so that there will be no misunderstanding.coz this problem has been bothering me day n night nd i feel so restless..

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Girl loves cousin

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Indeed cousins are not considered ‘mehrams’ in Islamic Law, and all the restrictions that apply to any non-mehram would apply to one’s cousins of the opposite gender.

Respected sister in Islam, love-hate, like-dislike, joy-sorrow, smile-weep, etc. are natural emotions of mankind! What determines virtue and/or sin is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!

To love someone is a natural emotion, and there is absolutely no sin if one loves another person; it is what one does and says after one has fallen in love with that person which would determine whether it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah or a sin!

If one falls in love, and informs one’s guardians that they love so and so, and requests them to sanctify their love in the sacred bond of marriage so that they may love each other for the rest of their lives would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

But if one falls in love, and strives to meet or talk to the person in secret and in private, and in their love transgress the boundaries of Allah Subhanah before they are united in the sacred bond of marriage; then indeed it would constitute a huge sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Respected sister, if you so love your cousin and wish to marry him, the honorable thing to do would be to inform your guardian (father, uncle, elder brother, etc.) or maybe ask your mom, or aunt, or sister, or your best friend to inform your father regarding your choice. If your parents approve of your choice, they will take the case forward and if Allah so Wills, seal your love for your cousin in the sacred institution of marriage.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan