Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

brother as salam allay kum,

I AM IN GREAT TRAUMA IN MY LIFE. I CAN`T SHARE MY PROBLEM WITH ANY BODY. PLS KEEP ME ANONYMOUS AND GUIDE ME THE RIGHT THING.

I AM A CHILDLESS WOMEN FOR LASY 14 YRS. 4 YRS BACK MY HUSBAND GONE 4 SECOND MARRIAGE WITH A CHRISTAN LADY. JUST TO GET MARRIED SHE TURNED INTO MUSLIM. THIS IAM SAYING BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PRACTISING ANYTHING THAT WE MUSLIM DO. SHE IS GOING TO CHURCH AND WHAT EVER THEY DO. AND MOST IMP THING SHE IS DEMANDED FROM MY HUSBAND NOT TO HAVE ANY SEXUALRELATION WITH ME. LAST 4 YEARS MY HUSBAND IS HAVING RELATION WITH ME BUT IN HER ABSENCE. SHE STAYS ON HER DUTY FOR 15 DAYS AND 15 DAYS AT HOME.

SHE KEEPS CHECKING ME AND OUR HUSBAND FOR SEX. AS PER MY HUSBAND ORDER I HAVE TO SAY HER THAT WE ARE NO IN RELATION SHIP FROM LAST COUPLE OF YEARS. SOME TIMES I AM SO DEPRESED THAT I FEEL TO MOVE AWAY FROM ALL THESE THINGS. I DONT KNOW ABOUT MY HUSBAND BUT I REALLY LOVE HIM A LOT. MY HUSBAND IS STILL CHILDLESS. GUIDE ME PLS WHAT TO DO? SOME TIMES I FEEL THAT I AM STAYING WITH WITH MY HUSBAND AS HIS KEEP NOT HIS WIFE. PLS GUIDE ME AS URGENT AS POSSIBLE.

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Answer:

Second wife doing injustice with first wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.

As long as the man who another believing woman seeks to marry does not already have four wives, he is well within his rights in Islam to seek to lawfully marry her.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5: All the good and pure things have today been made lawful for you.   The food of the People of the Book is lawful for you, and your food for them.   Likewise you are permitted to marry chaste believing women, or chaste women from among the people who were given the Scripture before you, provided that you give them their dowries and become their protectors in wedlock. This permission is not for sensual license or secret illicit relations.   Whoever rejects the Way of Faith, all the deeds of his life shall become vain,  and he shall be a loser in the Hereafter.

In light of the above aayah of the Holy Quran,  Allah has permitted the believing man to marry chaste women from the People of the Book (Jews and Christians).

If a believing man marries a woman from among the Jews and the Christians,  and the woman wishes to practice her own religion (Jewism or Christianity),  her marriage with the believer will be considered absolutely legal and valid in the sight of Shariah.   

Beloved Sister, your husband has the right to marry a Christian woman without her reverting to Islam.

SHE IS DEMANDED FROM MY HUSBAND NOT TO HAVE ANY SEXUALRELATION WITH ME. LAST 4 YEARS MY HUSBAND IS HAVING RELATION WITH ME BUT IN HER ABSENCE. SHE STAYS ON HER DUTY FOR 15 DAYS AND 15 DAYS AT HOME:

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6759 Narrated by Aisha

Aisha said: ‘One day Allah's Messenger (saws) went out of her (Aisha's apartment) during the night (to meet one of his other wives) and she (Aisha) felt jealous. Then he (saws) came and he (saws) saw me (in what agitated state of mind) I was. He (saws) said: ‘O Aisha, what has happened to you? Do you feel jealous?’ Thereupon she said: ‘How can it be (that a woman like me) should not feel jealous in regard to a husband like you?’ Thereupon Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘It was your Shaytaan who had come to you’, and she said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), is there along with me a Shaytaan?’ He (saws) said: ‘Yes.’ I asked: ‘Is a Shaytaan attached to everyone?’ He (saws) said: ‘Yes.’ I (Aisha) again said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), is it (a Shaytaan) with you also?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Yes, but my Lord has helped me against him as such I am absolutely safe from his mischief.’

It is only natural that if a man has more than one wife, the Shaytaan would inspire them to be jealous of one another…and some jealousy amongst the wives should only be expected.

The multiple wives of a person have absolutely no duties or responsibilities towards one another in Shariah, thus at best and if possible they may develop and maintain cordial relationships with the other wives of their husband; and at worst they are well within their rights to remain absolutely indifferent towards them…..but at all times, all parties should fear Allah Subahanh and strive their absolute utmost to remain within the prescribed Boundaries of their Lord.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans,  you may marry two, or three, or four women whom you choose.   But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one.

If one wishes to exercise one’s option of marrying more than one wife, Islam guides that the person must strive to be just and equitable towards his wives with what is directly under his control:

The spending of his wealth

The distribution of his time.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 129-130:

129    Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)!  If ye come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

As hard as one may try to be just and equitable towards his wives, it is only natural that it would be extremely difficult, if not out-right impossible, that one is inclined towards one amongst his wives….maybe because of her superlative beauty, or her excellent behavior, or her pleasant nature, or because of more children from one wife, etc.  What Islam absolutely prohibits and declares a sin is that one display discrimination or deficiency in spending his wealth and his time equitably and justly amongst his wives, or turn away from one of his wives as if she were hanging between being married or being single. 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128  Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.’

 
One who exercises the lawful option of marrying more than one wife is guided by Islam to make sure that he displays equality in the spending of his time and his resources amongst his wives.  To spend more time with one wife only because one has off-spring from that wife would not be justified in the Sight of Shariah, for that would be injustice to the other wife.

SHE KEEPS CHECKING ME AND OUR HUSBAND FOR SEX. AS PER MY HUSBAND ORDER I HAVE TO SAY HER THAT WE ARE NO IN RELATION SHIP FROM LAST COUPLE OF YEARS

It would not be piety and righteousness on the part of the second wife to stop her husband from spending equal time with his other wife, or demanding that the husband spend more time with her at the expense of the other wife. 

The husband should fear Allah and not satisfy this unlawful demand of his second wife, for if he does, he would be in transgression of the laws of Shariah.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696        Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

If your husband has not fulfilled his duty of giving you equal rights in terms of time, love, house, food, clothing, gifts etc., that he has given to his second wife, then rest assured he will have committed a great injustice to you and a huge sin and will be accountable to Allah swt on the Day of Judgement.

You basically have two options, one is that you can save your marriage and bear this injustice with patience and perseverance and earn your rightful reward from your Majestic Lord and Creator or you can proceed to take a divorce (khula) in which case there will be no sin upon you.

If the second wife for any reason whatsoever cannot bring herself to accept that her husband has taken another wife, she is obviously well within her rights in Islam to separate herself from her marriage by initiating a divorce….

The better of the two options is to be patient and await Allah's swt decree and reward.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 103 Surah Al-Asr verses 1-3:

1        By (the token of) time.

2        Verily (all of) mankind is in (severe) loss!

3          Except such as have faith and do righteous deeds; and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth and of ‘sabr’ (patience and constancy).

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verse 126:

126    "But thou dost wreak thy vengeance on us simply because we believed in the Signs of our Lord when they reached us!  O Our Lord! Pour out on us ‘sabr’ (patience and constancy) and take our souls unto thee as Muslims (who bow to thy will)"!

I AM A CHILDLESS WOMEN FOR LASY 14 YRS:

My beloved and dear sister in Islam, keep your faith constant in Allah Subhanah, the One and Only Creator and Bestower of the Worlds.  May Allah Subhanah make your trial easy for you, and may The Lord Most Merciful bestow patience and steadfastness on you to accept whatever He has Planned and Willed for you.  May Allah Subhanah fulfill your heart’s desire and bestow upon you righteous offspring, who become the contentment of your eyes in the life of this world, and a source of attaining Paradise in the life of the Hereafter.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 42 Surah Shura verses 49-50:

49      To Allah belongs the Dominion of the heavens and the earth.  He creates what He Wills.  He bestows (children) male or female according to His Will.

50      Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He Wills: for He is Full of Knowledge and Power.

One of the best supplications to make to the Merciful Lord when one wishes for an offspring is the humble and wholesome supplication of the Prophet Zachariah (a.s.) when he was childless until an abject old age.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 21 Surah Anbiya verses 89-90:

89      And (remember) Zakariya when he cried to his Lord: "O my Lord! Leave me not without offspring, though Thou art the Best of Inheritors.”

90      So We listened to him: and We granted him Yahya: We cured his wife's (barrenness) for him.  These three were ever quick in emulation in good works: they used to call on Us with love and reverence, and humble themselves before Us.

Another beautiful supplication one could make is the supplication made by the Noble Prophet Ayyub (a.s.), when distress truly seized him and he lost his health, wealth, and children as a trial from his Lord. 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 21 Surah Anbiyaa verses 83-84:

83      And (remember) Ayyub when he cried to his Lord "Truly distress has seized me, but Thou art the Most Merciful of those that are merciful."

84      So We listened to him: We removed the distress that was on him, and We restored his people to him and doubled their number as a Grace from Ourselves, and a thing for commemoration for all who serve Us.

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, know with absolute and total conviction that your condition and your desires are not unknown to your Lord Most Gracious, for He is well aware of the exact condition of each in His creation.  Your condition is no more a trial and a test bestowed upon you from your Lord, thus be constant and consistent in your supplication to the Merciful Lord, and beseech Him and Him Alone in humility, in awe, and in hope for all that your heart desires; for there is none in the universe other than the One and Only Merciful Lord Who has the Power to hear and respond to the supplications of His believing slaves. 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 35 Surah Fatir verse 2:

2        What Allah out of His Mercy doth bestow on mankind, there is none who can withhold: what He doth withhold, there is none can grant apart from Him: and He is the Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

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