Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

alsalam alekem, i want to ask a question about relationships between a women and a man, there is a guy who i truely love in my life and i trust him with everything i have, he`s not muslim but willing to convert not just for me but he truely believes in it, and he wants to ask my parents for my hand for marriage, but my parents dont like him or his family i know they will say no to him, i just want to ask is it a sin if i run away with him, because he is willing to convert to islam, and i should hold on to him i shouldnt let go, but all am asking please answer my question, is it a sin to run away with him?

jazak allah kheer

may god bless all of us 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Is to elope a sin?

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Judging in light of the Quran and Sunnah, the simple answer to your question would be: Yes! it would indeed be a sin if you run away with the man you truly love, who has yet to accept Islam.

Let us discuss this case at length , and InshaAllah, if Allah Subhanah helps us, we will try to find a solution that will make, above all, Allah Subhanah, then your parents, and finally you and your loved one happy.

First and foremost, a believer must realize that pre-marital relations are absolutely forbidden and impermissible in Islam. It is not allowed for a believing man or a believing woman, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to develop a relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex. If one has formed an illicit relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex in ignorance, the first thing one must do is turn to Allah Subhanah in sincere repentance and seek His Forgiveness and Guidance; for Allah Subhanah is indeed Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Islam has honored the believing woman by giving her the right to choose a husband of her choice. Her parents have absolutely no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The believing woman, who fears Allah and the Last Day, knows this right; but she does not reject the advice of her parents, because they have her best interest at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. No matter how handsome, sincere, honest and loving a man may be, the believing woman should always choose a believing man of good character, as Allah Subhanah has commanded in the Glorious Quran :

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 26: Women impure are for men impure, and men impure are for women impure; and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'

Recommendations:

Step I:

Get the man you love introduced to a good Islamic brother or scholar, who can assist him towards understanding Islam.

Step II:

If he, after reasonable understanding and out of his own free will enters Islam and truly practices it, then he should be tested; first to make sure that he performs his prayers, and then to ensure that the other acts of worship are being studied, understood and observed. You should give him some time to ensure consistency: This Insha-Allah, will be better for both of you, in this world and in the Hereafter.

Step III:

Let him or his guardian, may be in this case, the Scholar approach your parents on his behalf, asking for your hand in marriage. Now your parents will have no right to make any objection, given the fact that the boy is now a practicing Muslim.

Step IV:

If that does not work, be patient and talk to your parents in the most humble and polite manner; for Islam has raised the status of parents to a level that is unknown in any other religion, in that it has placed kindness and respect towards them on a level that is just one degree below belief in Allah (SWT) and true worship of Him. This is a Decree and Command from The Almighty Lord which is inescapable and ultimate…note the word “Decree” used in the Aayah quoted below:

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verses 23-24:

23 Thy Lord hath Decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them; but address them in terms of honor.

24 And out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "O My Lord! Bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood."

Step V:

If after you have tried your very best, and your parents are still persistent in refusing the proposal, you are well within your rights to go ahead and get married in a Shariah Court; and there will be no sin upon you.

Beloved sister in Islam, whatever the outcome of the trial, whether you get married to the man of your choice with your parent’s approval or not, you must, as a believing woman, always maintain, honor, respect, and revere your relationship with your parents. Under no circumstances whatsoever, you must allow the relationship between you and your parents to break or suffer.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Mohamed Ayyub