Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Mr Burhan,

A friend who is a practicing Muslim was grieved when he found out recently that his two grown up sons consume alcoholic beverages and that too for many years but not in his presence or in their house.  One was in business with him, the other lived with him in the same house.  My friend's reaction was to 'disown' them, turn the son out of his business and the other out of his house with grandchildren.  The sons felt they are adults and responsible for their own actions.  Parents should not take the onus upon themselves or feel guilty about it.

While my friend feels good that he has cleansed the ill, his wife is upset at the separation and the harsh stance taken by the husband, though she accepts he has done the right thing according to their shared belief.

Secondary questions that arise:

1.  Are the parents responsible for breach of Shariah by adult children, in the eyes of Allah?

2.  Would the parents be guilty by way of association if they allowed status quo even if they would tell them that it is wrong and they should stay away from alcohol?

3. The mother feels she would persuade them to give up and instead of taking drastic action they could have made an effort to educate them of this gross error and sin they picked up knowing full well the parents abhor it.

In the light of the above, could you please guide how the parets can remain firm about the wrong but work on them rather than chase them away - from sight.  Your reply will be greatly

appreciated.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Children consume alcohol

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Q-1: Are the parents responsible for breach of Shariah by adult children, in the eyes of Allah?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 164 (part):

….Every soul draws the meed of its acts on none but itself:

If the believing parents of the children themselves feared Allah, strove their utmost in instilling the fear of Allah and the Last Day into their children during their growing years, strove to give them the best possible education and environment and ‘tarbeeyah’ during their growing years and thus fulfilled their duty unto them…….then if such children of believing parents chose to transgress the prescribed Boundaries of their Lord Creator after they have passed the age of puberty, the off-spring themselves shall bear the responsibility for their evil deeds and their parents will be absolutely blameless for the evil deeds committed by their off-spring.

But if the parents themselves did not fear Allah, nor strove to fulfill their duty unto their children by instilling the fear of Allah and the Last Day into them in their growing years, or Allah forbid, encouraged them towards the transgression of the prescribed Boundaries of the Lord Creator…..indeed the parents will bear a portion of the blame of the evil deeds committed by their children.

Q-2: Would the parents be guilty by way of association if they allowed status quo even if they would tell them that it is wrong and they should stay away from alcohol?

If the believing parents have fulfilled their duty unto their children during their growing years to the best of their ability, and subsequently find out that their adult off-spring are involved in as manifest a transgression as the consumption of alcohol…..it would simply not be fitting for the believing parents, if indeed they fear Allah and the Last Day, and fear the consequence of what will inevitably befall their beloved offspring in the Presence of their Lord to maintain a ‘status-quo’ or disregard or ‘turn a blind-eye’ to the abominations committed by their adult off-spring without showing their utter disapproval at their manifest transgressions!

Q-3: The mother feels she would persuade them to give up and instead of taking drastic action they could have made an effort to educate them of this gross error and sin they picked up knowing full well the parents abhor it.

If the believing parents of such off-spring who have chosen to transgress the prescribed Boundaries of Allah Subhanah have even an iota of control over them….they should indeed try to persuade or even plead with them to fear Allah and the Last Day and save themselves from the Wrath and Anger of their Lord. If after their very best efforts, their persuasion or their pleading does not bring about the desired results, and they are in a position to be strict with them, or threaten them, or even punish them….and they believe that such actions would have the desired effect on the evil behavior or habits of their adult children, they should not hesitate to utilize whatever is their ability in their efforts to bring their children back to the Straight Path.

What is not permissible in Islam that one disown or completely break the blood relations which the Lord Himself has created for them……

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 13 Surah Ar-Raad verse 25:

As for those who break their covenant with Allah after confirming it, who cut asunder relationships which Allah has bidden to be joined, and spread chaos on the earth, their’s shall be the curse, and they shall have a wretched abode in the Hereafter.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Bakarah verse 27:

And He leads astray only those who disobey Allah, who break Allah’s covenant after ratifying it, who cut asunder relationships what Allah has ordered to be joined, and who produce chaos on the Earth. These are indeed the people who are the losers.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one of the Names of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good relation with the one who will keep good relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin), and sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin).

Other than severing or completely breaking relations with them, the parents are well within their rights to do whatever it takes to show their utter and abject disapproval at the manifest transgressions of their adult children….and strive with whatever is in their power to remind their children to fear their Lord and His Inevitable and Tumultuous Accounting of that Last Day.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan