Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Aslamualequm,, i m in big tenssion,, what to do or not to do,,?sir as a brother muslim pls give me kind advice,,,because this is the matter of three lives.

My question is---i got marry one year before.This is arrange marriage. i loved my wife very much.

Butafter 4=months of my marriage ,i got my wife; e-mail address password.so as a husbandd i have full right to check my wife;s e-mails so i checked my wife e-mails.

I find that before marriage she hs done sex with 2-3 non muslims, she also drunk alcohol.i also saw the picture where she was in very dirty dress and she was kissing non muslims.and i red that where she lost her verginity.she also mentioned in her mails that she lost her verginity in this park.

when i saw these pictures i shocked and wept . I did not say this to anybody because at that time my wife was pregnent. now i have a lovely daughter.

But now i am unable to give a true love to my wife,and i dont love her.when i saw park i thought that in that place my wife has made sex with non muslims.and lost her virginity Every day i think many times about this sin of my wife,,i am mentally disturb,,i want to forget this but i am unable to forget this,. i think i will become mentally weak or heart patient. i want to give DIV her. But i have no money of MAHAR,because my inlaws has put too-much mahar of my nikah,,and i m unemployed.so i have no money of mahar. and my daughet is too little. Pls advice me,,i think i m killing my self,,i dont want to live with her.i always weep and ask help from ALLAH. so pls advice me,,

AM i permissible to give DIV to my wife?,,because i think i can never give a true love to her,,,and i think i dont respect her as a wife. She doent know hat i know all about her. This is also true she cares me a lot.but she doesnot care my mother. Pls give me advice ,i dont want to spoil my life as well as my wife life.and i can never forget that dirty pictures of my wife. also dua or me.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Past misdeeds of wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: …..i got my wife; e-mail address password.so as a husbandd i have full right to check my wife;s e-mails so i checked my wife e-mails.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verses 12-13:

12 O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay ye would abhor it...but fear Allah: for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.

13 O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 1480 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘He who sees the (personal) letter of his brother without his permission, sees Hell-fire!’

In light of the above absolutely clear guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws), in normal circumstances it is not permissible and an abhorred and detestable act in the Sight of Allah for one to read the private letters or diaries of another without their precise permission and consent.

The truth brother is that you as a husband do not have a right to read the private mails of your wife…..if perchance you have done so, you should seek forgiveness for your manifest transgression not only from Allah Subhanah, but also from your wife.

Your Question: ….I find that before marriage she hs done sex with 2-3 non muslims, she also drunk alcohol.i also saw the picture where she was in very dirty dress and she was kissing non muslims.and i red that where she lost her verginity.she also mentioned in her mails that she lost her verginity in this park.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

Respected brother, the time to thoroughly satisfy oneself with the character and practice of religion of one’s suitor is before one agrees to marry them; not after one has already married them!!!

If you have knowledge now that your wife had in her past transgressed some of the prescribed Boundaries of Allah Subhanah and committed a sin…..and subsequently she turned unto her Lord Most Gracious in ‘taubah’, sincerely sought forgiveness for her sins, and has amended her conduct….it would only be prudent that you bring yourself to overlook those past deeds of your wife.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."

Just as one wishes for themselves that Allah Subhanah may forgive them their past sins, Allah Subhanah guides the believers to forgive and overlook the faults of their near and close ones.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 22:

22 …..let them forgive and overlook: do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

But if you sincerely believe that your wife is unrepentant at her manifest transgressions of her past, and there are chances that given a chance she may do the same again…..or if you cannot bring yourself to forgive her ….you obviously are well within your rights in Islam to seek a divorce from her in the marriage.

Respected brother in Islam, as difficult as it may be for a husband to forgive the betrayal of the chastity of his wife, even if that betrayal occurred before the marriage…..the guidance of Islam dictates that either you absolutely bring yourself to forgive her past and fulfill unto her all her due rights in marriage; and if you cannot bring yourself to do that, seek a divorce and separate yourself from her. But to constantly doubt her every move or word, or to constantly hold her guilty for her past sins even after she has repented for her sins from her Lord Most Gracious, or to deny her her due rights in the marriage, etc. would severely affect the marital relationship that is expected from the pious and God-fearing believers in marriage.

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan