I have a non-muslim friend who propsed to me. i told him that as a muslim woman i could not marry him as a non-muslim and that he would have to convert and ask for my parent`s consent.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Assalamoalaykum,
i have a non-muslim friend who propsed to me. i told him that as a muslim woman
i could not marry him as a non-muslim and that he would have to convert and ask
for my parent`s consent. i also told him not to convert if he did not truly
believe in islam and was doing so for the sole purpose of marriage. he said
that he had been studying islam for quite sometime and had thought about
converting before but not too seriously. after sometime he converted
(alhamdulilah).
now
parent`s object to him because he is a recent convert and do not consider him a
muslim at all. they have not met him or spoken to him in person but are judging
him based on their prejudice. they also oppose to him because he is of a
different race then us. they are arranging for me to get married to someone
else and have no interest in asking for my consent but expect me to just obey.
i
realize that they probably have my best interest at heart but do children have
no rights in islam? do they have no right to their own lives? should they be
expected to obey their parent`s wishes even if they be based on prejudice?
he is
trying to learn about islam and follow its tenets. he tries to pray but is
having difficulty since he does not speak or understand arabic. i believe that
together we can help each other be better muslims.
my
dilemma is that i dont want to upset my parents but i also want to marry him.
if in my life i can help atleast one person in the way of Allah then that would
be a life well spent. on the other hand my parents are being unreasonable.
Please
dont tell me to blindly accept what my parents chose for me. i refuse to
believe that Allah would be so unfair as to deny a person a right to his/her
own life
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Answer:
Parents refusal
revertt in marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Your
Question: i have a non-muslim friend who propsed to me.
Respected Sister in Islam, first and foremost, it is not
lawful for a believer, man or woman, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last
Day, to develop a casual relationship with a ‘non-mehram’ member of the
opposite sex!
Your
Question: ….now parent`s object to him because he is a recent convert and do
not consider him a muslim at all
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in
marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation
on earth and extensive corruption.'
Beloved Sister, rest absolutely assured that you will find
no better well-wisher in creation for you other than your own parents….who bore
and weaned you and took care of you and your every need and every desire from
the day of your birth until this very day!
And sister, it would only be piety and righteousness on the part of a
believing youth, that when he/she is about to make one of the most important
decisions of his/her life, they at least take the view of their parents in
consideration!
Your Parents have every right to contend and satisfy
themselves with the practice of religion and the character of the person to
whom they are going to give the hand of their beloved and precious daughter,
one for whom they would have sacrificed their life without even thinking twice!
It is upto the suitor to make sure he satisfies the fears,
conceptions/misconceptions of the parents of the girl he wishes to marry. If
the brother is a recent revert to Islam, the parents of the girl have even more
right to fear the well-being of their daughter….what if the person has only
‘verbally’ reverted to Islam to enable him to legally marry their
daughter?....what if the person tomorrow changes his mind and reverts back to
his pagan religion and way of life??....
Beloved sister, put yourself in the shoes of your parents
for a moment, and try to only imagine how you would fear if you had to give
your own daughter in marriage to someone?
Your
Question: i realize that they probably have my best interest at heart but do
children have no rights in islam? do they have no right to their own lives?
should they be expected to obey their parent`s wishes even if they be based on
prejudice?
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.98 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A virgin
should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron
(divorcee or widow) should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees
to marry or not." It was asked, "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! A virgin
might feel shy to express her consent?"
He (saws) replied, "Her silence (when asked) is her consent."
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2078 Narrated by Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘The
marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians is void.’
(He said these words) three times.
Islam guides that neither the parents should force their
choice in marriage over their off-spring’s, nor should the children force their
parents to accept their choice against their consent….but rather one should
marry whom both they and their parents approve of.
Dear and beloved sister in Islam, if you can convince your
parents to approve and give their consent, then indeed marry the man whom you ‘love’;
but if you are unable to obtain the consent of your parents to marry that
particular person, marry another man whom both you and your parents approve
of……but whatever the case, do not disobey your parents, for marriage is but a
voluntary act in Islam, but to obey the lawful commands of one’s parents is an
absolutely obligatory duty of every believer who sincerely believes in Allah
and the Last Day.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with great
kindness; if either or both of them
attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws)
what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave
Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--
(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,
(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,
(3) To kill a person (which Allah has
forbidden to kill)
(4) And to give a false witness."
Second only to absolute gravest sin and abomination of
‘shirk’ (associating others with Allah Subhanah) in gravity of sins in the
Sight of Allah Subhanah is the disobedience to the lawful commands of one’s
parents!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have
a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he
had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the
gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 216:
216 ……But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you
and that ye love a thing which is bad for you.
But Allah knoweth and ye know not.
Dear and beloved Sister, if you do not approve of your
parents choice, and the parents do not approve of your choice, then marry
someone else whom both you and your parents approve of….but under absolutely no
situation would it be considered righteousness for a believing woman to arrange
her own marriage without the approval and consent of her parents.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3137 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman
may not give a woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage, for the
immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage."
The parents too have a duty towards the well-being of
their children in Islam, and if the parents are satisfied with the character
and practice of religion of the believer who has sent the proposal, and find
that their daughter wishes to agree to that proposal…..the parents should give
their consent to the marriage.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister