I was the only breadwinner. After many sessions of counselling I decided to give him another chance.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
I hope
you can help me. My husband has just recently (9 months ago) decided that
he is going to do his 5 times salaah and become a pious Muslim
(Alhumdulliah). THis is only because I left him after 12 years of his
drug addition, drinking and violent abuse against me and my two boys. He
never made salaah, never went to the Musjid. I was the only breadwinner.
After many sessions of counselling I decided to give him another chance.
I managed to get him a job and he is now Alhumdulliah. The problem is
that if I miss one salaat he starts threatening me with divorce telling me that
he has every right to divorce me if I dont do it. Even though I am still
the major breadwinner, he carries on like he is supporting me and he treats me
like a child. Because he comes from another country, he often gets together
with people who come from the same country. Recently we met with these
people and there were ladies without hijab and open shirts to reveal their
upper part of their breasts. He did not think that it was haram when
sitting opposite these women while I sat in my abaayaa and hijab at the far end
of the table. Would this not be hypocritical behaviour. He always
tells me that I need to change my ways although I never talk to other men
without his permission, do not exit the house unnecessarily except for
work. I only wear hijab and abaayaa. He says that by not keeping
five times salaah I am a bad influence on my children?
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Not praying five
times a day
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Your
Statement: Even though I am still the major breadwinner, he carries on like he
is supporting me and he treats me like a child.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous women are
devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have
them guard (their chastity, their husband’s honor, their husband’s property,
etc.)
Allah Subhanah has laid the complete financial
responsibility of the women upon the shoulders of the men in Islam; thus
regardless of whether the Lord Most Gracious has blessed the wife to be poorer
or richer than her husband, or absolutely regardless of who happens to be the current
‘bread-earner’ of the family….the husband will always be considered the ‘imaam’
(leader) of the house, and it would only be piety and righteousness on the part
of the wife, if indeed she believes in Allah and the Last Day, that she strive
to obey her husband in all his lawful commands.
Merely being the ‘bread-earner’ does not, by itself,
reverse the roles or the duties or the obligations which the Lord Most Wise has
laid on either the husband or the wife!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 103:
Indeed the Salaat is a prescribed duty that
should be performed by the believers at (their) appointed times.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verses 45-46:
45 Nay seek (Allah's) help with patient perseverance and ‘salaah’: it
is indeed hard except to those who bring a lowly spirit.
46 Who bear in mind the certainty that they are to meet their Lord and
that they are to return to Him.
The Prophet (saws) said, "The head of
the matter is Islam, its pillar is the prayer, and the top of its hump is Jihad
in the Way of Allah."
Jabir reports that the Prophet (saws) said,
"Between a person and disbelief is discarding prayer."
Related by Ahmad, Muslim, Abu Dawud,
at-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah.
Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'Aas reported that
the Prophet (saws) one day mentioned the prayer and said, "Whoever guards
and observes his prayer, they (his prayers) will be a light and a proof and a
savior for him on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever does not guard and obvserve
them, they will not be a light or a proof or a savior for him. On the Day of
Resurrection, he will be with Qarun, Fir'aun, Haman and Ubayy ibn Khalf."
Related by Ahmad, at-Tabarani and Ibn Hibban.
A man came to the Prophet (saws) and said “ O
Prophet of Allah (saws), what is the
act or deed most loved by Allah?”
The Prophet (saws) replied: “To pray ones prayers on time.”
The man asked further: “What (deed or act most loved by Allah)
next?”
The Prophet (saws) replied: “Obedience to ones parents.”
The man asked further: “What (deed or act most loved by Allah)
next?”
The Prophet (saws) replied: “Jihaad in the
Way of Allah.”
Related by Bukhari.
Abu Hurairah reports that the Prophet (saws)
said: "May Allah bless the man who gets up during the night to pray and
wakes up his wife and who, if she refuses to get up, sprinkles water on her
face. And may Allah bless the woman who gets up during the night to pray and
wakes up her husband and who, if he refuses sprinkles water on his face."
The Prophet (saws) also said: "If a man wakes his wife and prays during
the night or they pray two rak'at together, they will be recorded among those
(men and women) who (constantly) make remembrance of Allah."
Related by Abu Dawud.
Respected Sister in Islam, one cannot over-emphasis the
significance and the importance of offering one’s obligatory prayers in
Islam! Allah Subhanah has laid the
responsibility on the man (father, husband, etc.) to be the ‘imaam’ of his
house, and he will be held responsible for those under his care.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.733 Narrated by Abdullah bin Umar
That he heard Allah's Messenger (saws)
saying, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for those under
his ward; the ruler is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; the
man is a guardian in his family and responsible for his charges; a
woman is a guardian of her husband's house and responsible for her charges; and
the servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for his
charge….so everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for those under his
charges."
If a husband sees or witnesses that one amongst those
under his wards is negligent in offering their obligatory prayers, he is well
within his rights to remind them of their obligatory duties unto their Lord
Creator. If one sees that one’s wife regularly and punctually observes her
prayers, then to threaten her with divorce if she misses or delays her prayer
once….would be harsh and unjustified indeed!
But if after many reminders, the husband sees that his wife is
constantly negligent of her prayers or her obligatory duties….and he threatens
to divorce her if she does not amend her conduct, he is well justified in doing
so.
Your
Statements: …..He did not think that it was haram when sitting opposite these
women while I sat in my abaayaa and hijab at the far end of the table.
Would this not be hypocritical behaviour.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 24 Surah
Noor verses 30-31:
30 Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard
their modesty: that will make for greater purity for
them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.
31 And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and
guard their modesty; that they should not display
their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that
they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty
except to their husbands, their fathers,,………….. And O ye Believers! Turn ye all
together towards Allah that ye may attain Bliss.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah
Aaraaf verse 33:
33 Say: The things that my Lord hath indeed forbidden are: ‘fahisha’
(shameful or indecent deeds) whether open or secret; sins and
trespasses against truth or reason; assigning of partners to Allah for which he
hath given no authority; and saying things about Allah of which ye have no
knowledge.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah
Anaam verse 151:
151 Say: "Come I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited
you from": join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents:
kill not your children on a plea of want;
We provide sustenance for you and for them; come not (even) nigh to ‘fahisha’
(shameful or indecent deeds) whether open or secret; take not life
which Allah hath made sacred except by way of justice and law: thus doth He
command you that ye may learn wisdom.
The Arabic and Quranic term ‘fahisha’ is used for
absolutely every type of sexual indecency, lewdness, vulgarity, filthiness,
profanity, etc. and each and every single manifestation of the evil of
‘faahisha’ is absolutely forbidden for the believers who sincerely believe in
Allah and the Last Day.
The guidance of Islam has declared in Truth absolute
zero-tolerance for the abomination of ‘fahisha’……and every single road that
even has a slight possibility of reaching the abomination of ‘zina’
(fornication and adultery) is absolutely forbidden for those who sincerely fear
Allah and the Last Day…. it indeed would not be piety and righteousness for one
who believes to casually mingle with non-mehram women.
The sacred institution of marriage in Islam is not a union
between two people who compete against each other, but rather a marriage in
Islam is a sacred union between two people who complement each other in their
partnership, who develop and maintain the love and mercy between them that
Allah Subhanah has created for them in their marriage, and strive together as a
team to live a life of peace, harmony and tranquility under the fear and
guidance of Allah.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah
Rome verse 21:
21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect.
If one truly seeks guidance in one’s marriage, there is no
better recipe for peace, harmony and tranquility in one’s relationship with
one’s spouse in marriage than the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect
Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best
among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best
of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my
family."
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole
world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious
woman.’
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing
man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if he dislikes one of her
characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq
The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats
badly those under his authority will not enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him)
was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her
husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not
go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of
which he disapproves."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Had it been
permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have
ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 284 Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn Ali
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man sends
for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she
may be occupied in baking bread.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies
while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister