Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

What is "Haq Mehar"?What is its purpose in islam?what is the criterion for determining it for a lady,according to islam?Should we follow some family custom or person in determining it irrespective of the status of a lady?

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

How is Mehr determined?

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His  forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Q-1: What is "Haq Mehar"?

In Islam, it is an obligatory condition of marriage that the man fix and gift an amount to his wife, according to his means or according to his wife’s demand, at the time of marriage.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 4: And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you , take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.

This Mehr is a right of the wife, and she may spend it as she wills. It is impermissible for the husband to demand the mehr back, or take it away from his wife after their marriage, or if he divorces her, or he marries again; but if of her own free will and good pleasure, the wife wishes to share the mehr amount with her husband, there is no harm.

Q-2: What is its purpose in islam?

Every Law and Command of the Creator is full to the brim with wisdom, and so is the command and condition of paying the Mehr to the bride. There are many reasons, wisdoms, and benefits of this condition of Mehr for the woman, and in the protection of her rights.

The man who proposes is sincere and is willing to show his sincerity by paying an agreed amount as a gift to his bride.

If there was no condition of Mehr, the man has a chance to play, abuse and marry the woman one day and divorce her the next after he has satisfied himself with her. By instituting Mehr, the man who intends to play abuse faces a substantial financial loss upon himself.

The woman leaves her surroundings and her family to go and live with her husband, and thus sacrifices a lot. This gift of Mehr is a little something that may lessen her feeling of loss.

The Mehr is basically for the protection of the woman and her rights, so that she has a substantial amount (according to her status) to herself, in case of any emergencies.

Islam is the code of life, whereby all the financial responsibilities are laid on the man in marriage. The Mehr is but a ‘token’ installment and a commitment the man shows regarding his responsibility.

The institution of Islamic Mehr elevates and honors the position of women, which may be compared to the ‘dahej’ or dowry system of the pagans whereby the woman and her family have to pay the man to get her married! Etc.

Q-3: what is the criterion for determining it for a lady,according to islam?

The amount of Mehr is not fixed in Shariah. A rich man may offer according to his status and a poor man according to his status; and a woman may accept or demand more according to her wish. It is something that is offered by the man according to his status, and accepted or rejected by the proposed bride if she wishes to do so.

Q-4: Should we follow some family custom or person in determining it irrespective of the status of a lady?

The man may offer whatever he is capable of, for ultimately it is the bride who will accept or refuse the offer. It would not be considered righteousness for a rich man to offer a meager amount, but rather he should offer something that is profound with his standing and status; and nor should the woman accept a meager amount from a person whom Allah has blessed with abundance. But if the man is of limited means, the woman may if she so wills, accept even a small amount or even only the testification of faith as Mehr if she so wills!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3209 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

AbuTalhah married Umm Sulaym, the Mehr between them being acceptance of Islam. Umm Sulaym had become a Muslim before AbuTalhah, and when he asked her in marriage she said, "I have become a Muslim, so if you become one I shall marry you." He then accepted Islam and that was the Mehr arranged between them.

The amount of Mehr is something that is determined by the prospective husband and the bride, or the bride’s guardian with her consent.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan