Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamu_alaikum,
I am married since 10 years to my husband.I came to america 5 years ago.My husband`s behavior towards me totally changed since we came here.He sleeps seperate from me but in the same room making an excuse that his back hurts on the mattress.He hardly comes near me.He doesnt allow me to study,do job,open any account,make credit cards etc.He hardly gives me any money.I have three kids 8 years,2 yaers a,nd 1 year old.Every time i ask him something he fights with me.I am totally confused and is unable to understand whats going on.I am crying so much that i now i feel that i toatlly lost strength to even cry.When i ask him about his behavior he says that u did this ,u did that,u said this and that.I cannot take this anymore.Please help me if this kind of behavior from husband is allowed for his wife in islam.I want to seperate from him but my kids love their father and i am feeling totally helpless.
Jazakallahukhair. 

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Answer:

Unhappy marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34   Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husband’s honor, property, etc.)

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise."

It is absolutely prohibited in Shariah and a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah for a believer to mistreat, dishonor, disrespect, or abuse or oppress or be unjust towards one’s wife…..if one does so, he has indeed taken a grave sin upon himself.

If the husband is unhappy with his wife in marriage, he may either accept the condition with patience, and give her her full rights in marriage….or seek separation through the institution of divorce; but it would simply not behove and befit one who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day to mistreat, dishonor, disrespect, abuse, oppress or be unjust towards his wife under any circumstances!

Similarly if the wife is unhappy in her marriage, she may either accept her condition with patience and seek her reward and retribution from her Lord in the Hereafter…..or alternatively if she is unable to bring herself to accept her condition and situation, she is well within her rights in Shariah to initiate a divorce proceedings against her oppressive husband, and there would be absolutely no sin upon her.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan