Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Brother,

Upon my wifes request i made a promise that while in a state of anger i will not use foul language, hit her or hit myself. But recently because of my wife fault, i was upset with her and i was very very angry,I was so angry that i could shout,hit then suddenly i said that "i am giving you one talaq and two talaqs are left". now i am not sure what intention i had while saying talaq, but i am sure that i never wanted to say thst to her, but due to the frustration and to hurt her i said that word. After that we came back to each other and we mated as well. My question is that is one talaq over for me and i left with two talaq or the first talaq is dissmissed and i have all three talaqs.
Jazakallah

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Declared one divorce

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘There are three things which, whether undertaken seriously or in jest, are treated as serious: Marriage, divorce and taking back a wife (after a divorce which is not final).’

Dear and beloved brother, absolutely regardless of the reasons or conditions under which one pronounced or declared a divorce upon their wife, absolutely regardless of whether one was angry or not, absolutely regardless of whether one was serious or only jesting, absolutely regardless of whatever the situation and/or condition….if the husband has pronounced words to the effect ‘I divorce you’ to his wife, one divorce will be established in their marriage in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 236-237::

236 There is no blame on you if ye divorce women before consummation or the fixation of their dower; but bestow on them (a suitable gift) the wealthy according to his means and the poor according to his means; a gift of a reasonable amount is due from those who wish to do the right thing.

237 And if ye divorce them before consummation but after the fixation of a dower for them then the half of the dower (is due to them) unless they remit it. Or (the man's half) is remitted by him in whose hands is the marriage tie; and the remission (of the man's half) is the nearest to righteousness. And do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that ye do.

Allah Subhanah has given the marriage tie in the hands of the husbands in Islam, and to protect the rights of the wife, Allah Subhanah has Decreed and Prescribed that in any one marriage, a husband may only pronounce and revoke a divorce upon his wife for an absolute maximum of two times; if perchance the husband were to pronounce a third divorce in the same marriage, then that pronouncement of divorce would be absolutely irrevocable and the same couple can never ever legally remarry each other again, unless and until the ex-wife were to marry a new husband, and the new husband, of his own free will and choice were to perchance divorce her, or he dies.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 229 :

229 A divorce is only permissible twice: after that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts (from your wives) except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom (if it is the wife who initiates the divorce). These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them. If any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah such persons are the wrong-doers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 229 (part):

231 When ye divorce women and they fulfil the term of their (`Iddat) either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them or to take undue advantage; if anyone does that He wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah's Signs as a jest but solemnly rehearse Allah's favors on you and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and Wisdom for your instruction. And fear Allah and know that Allah is well acquainted with all things.

Thus the husband in every marriage in Islam has three divorce rights, the first two of which are revocable, and the third is irrevocable.

Your Question: After that we came back to each other and we mated as well. My question is that is one talaq over for me and i left with two talaq or the first talaq is dissmissed and i have all three talaqs.
Beloved brother, from what you have related in your letter, the divorce declaration made by you would be valid in the Sight of Allah Subhanah, and it is absolutely clear that you have indeed now utilized one amongst your two revocable divorce rights in your marriage. In the entire span of your marriage you are now left with one more right or chance to declare a divorce and revoke it; but if you were to declare a third divorce upon your wife in the marriage, it would be considered an irrevocable divorce in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, we humbly beseech and implore you to fear Allah Subhanah your Lord and seek the means to control your anger and temper…..and whatever transpires or happens in the course of your marriage, do not declare or pronounce or even joke or jest with the declarations of the term of ‘divorce’, unless you have given it due consideration and actually intend to separate from your wife through the institution of divorce.

Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, ‘anger’ like love, sadness, happiness, weeping, etc. is a natural emotion of a human being, and it is possible that at an occurrence or incident one may ‘trigger’ or experience the emotion of anger. Thus when one experiences the natural emotion of anger, there is no sin and one will not be accountable for one’s anger, but what one does or says when one is angry will definitely be taken to account by their Lord All-Mighty. It is the deeds a person does when he is angry that will determine his reward or his punishment in the Sight of Allah Subhanah!

Al-Muwatta Hadith 47.11

Malik related from Ibn Shihab from Humayd ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Awf that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (saws) and said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), teach me some words which I can live by. Do not make them too much for me, lest I forget." The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "Do not be angry."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 5145 Narrated by Abu Sa'id al-Khudri

Allah's Messenger (saws) mentioned anger, saying, "Some are swift to anger and swift to cool down, the one characteristic making up for the other; some are slow to anger and slow to cool down, the one characteristic making up for the other; but the best of you are those who are slow to anger and swift to cool down, and the worst of you are those who are swift to anger and slow to cool down." He continued, "Beware of anger, for it is a live coal on the heart of the descendant of Adam. Do you not notice the swelling of the veins of his neck and the redness of his eyes? So when anyone experiences anything of that nature he should lie down and cleave to the earth."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 1740 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

The Prophet (saws) said: A believer does not taunt, curse, abuse or talk indecently.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 29 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal

I said to Allah's Messenger (saws): ‘Inform me about an act which would entitle me to get into Paradise, and remove me away from Hell-Fire.’ He (the Prophet (saws)) said: ‘You have asked me about a matter (which ostensibly appears to be) difficult but it is easy to those for whom Allah, the Exalted, has made it easy. Worship Allah and do not associate anything with him, establish prayer, pay the Zakat, observe the fast of Ramadan and perform Hajj to the (Sacred) House (Ka'bah).’ He (saws) further said: ‘Should I not direct you to the gateways of good? Listen to me: The fasting is a shield against evil, the charity extinguishes (the fire of sin) just as water extinguishes fire.’ Then he (saws) said: ‘Should I not direct you to the highest level of this matter, to the pillar on which (it all rests) and its top?’ I said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws) yes, (do tell me).’ He (saws) said: ‘The uppermost level of the matter is al-Islam. Its pillar is the prayer and its top is Jihad.’ He (saws) then said: ‘Should I not inform you of the sheet anchor of all this?’ I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws) (of course do it).’ He (saws) took hold of his tongue and said: ‘Exercise restraint on it.’ I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws), would we be held responsible for what we say with it?’ Thereupon he (saws) said: ‘O Mu'adh, may your mother be bereaved! Will anything else besides (irresponsible, evil, abusive, vain) talk cause the people to be thrown into the Hell-Fire upon their faces or on their nostrils?’

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4762 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal

Two men reviled each other in the presence of the Prophet (saws) and one of them became excessively angry so much so that I thought that his nose will break up on account of excess of anger. The Prophet (saws) said: ‘I know a phrase which, if he repeated, he could get rid of this angry feeling.’ They asked: ‘What is it, O Messenger of Allah (saws)?’ He (saws) replied: ‘He should say: ‘I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytaan.’

Dear and Beloved Brother, the emotion of anger is instigated by the accursed enemy of man, the Shaytaan; and as soon as one experiences anger and before he does anything which he regrets, he should first and foremost and immediately seek refuge in Allah The Most High from the accursed Shaytaan by declaring ‘Aoodobillahe minas Shaytaan-ar-rajeem’ (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytaan); it is expected that Allah Subhanah will protect the person who sincerely declares this statement from the instigations of the Shaytaan.

If the anger still persists, the Messenger of Allah (saws) guided that the person must immediately sit down if he is standing, and if he is sitting, he should cleave the earth and lie down. (Have you ever seen a person lying down being angry??)

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 5114 Narrated by Abu Dharr

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When one of you becomes angry while standing he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down."

If that does not work to appease one’s anger, one must perform the ‘wudu’ (ablution); and if the anger still persists after ablution, one should offer a couple of rakah of ‘nafl’ prayers; and if the anger still persists, one should leave the place and go for a walk or a drive.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4766 Narrated by Atiyyah as-Sa'di

AbuWa'il al-Qass said: ‘We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as-Sa'di. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed ablution; he then returned and said: “My father told me on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Messenger of Allah (saws) as saying: ‘Anger comes from the Shaytaan, the Shaytaan was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.”’

Beloved brother, anger is but only a natural emotion, and what one does or says when one is angry will determine his status and rank in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Al-Muwatta Hadith 47.12

Yahya related from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Said ibn al-Musayyab from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is he who contains himself when he is angry."

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4759 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘if anyone suppresses anger when he is in a position to give vent to it, Allah, the Exalted, will call him on the Day of Resurrection over the heads of all creatures, and ask him to choose any of the bright and large eyed maidens he wishes.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 5116 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "No one has swallowed back anything more excellent in the sight of Allah, Who is Great and Glorious, than anger he restrains, seeking to please Allah, The Most High."

Whenever you find yourself in a situation which gives vent to anger, immediately seek refuge in Allah Subhanah from the evil of the Shaytaan by declaring ‘Aoodobillahe minas Shaytaan-ar-rajeem’ (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytaan); and also recite the 113^th Surah Al-Falaq and 114^th Surah An-Naas as often as you can….. it is expected that Allah Subhanah will protect the person who sincerely wishes to seek refuge in Him from the instigations of the accursed Shaytaan.

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan