Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I recently converted to Islam, and my family is Catholic and totally disapproves of my decision. They hate the idea that I am a muslim and my mother is completely depressed because I have converted.

My question is, when i get married, which will be to a Muslim man, and he has to ask them for their permission to marry me, I know that they will say no because He will be muslim and they dont like it. Do I still listen to their decision? Because I know in Islam the parents must be respected and Obeyed. But in a case like this, they wouldnt want me to marry a muslim, so I know they`d say no...What do I do? Just go off and marry him? (nothing i say or do will change their minds, no matter how much i explain or how kind i put it...they are completely against it) Please help.

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Answer:

Revert marry muslim

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

May the Lord Most Merciful bless your reversion to the Truth, and grant you the wisdom and the courage to remain steadfast on this path of Truth that leads to His Mercy and His Forgiveness. Ameen.

Your Question: I recently converted to Islam, and my family is Catholic and totally disapproves of my decision. They hate the idea that I am a muslim and my mother is completely depressed because I have converted.

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, it is only natural that one who has been born and raised in a set of beliefs, is invited to or one amongst their loved ones accepts another set of beliefs or way of life, they will obviously not be comfortable with the change. But sister, you should never ever despair of the Mercies of your Lord Creator, and it is only with your sincere dedication, character, wisdom, humility, and above all patience towards them, in word and in deeds, that will encourage them to accept your decision.

Beloved sister, one cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance Islam has laid upon its followers in serving one’s parents, regardless of whether they are believers or disbelievers. The Lord Most Gracious has Commanded and made it an absolutely obligatory duty and responsibility of the believers to serve their parents with humility, sincerity, love, mercy, tenderness, kindness and consideration, regardless of their belief.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

Beloved Sister in Islam, regardless of the beliefs of your parents, you are to treat them with great kindness and tenderness; and the only time you are permitted to politely but firmly disobey any of their commands is if they order you to do something which involves the disobedience of the Command of your Lord Creator.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verses 14-15:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.”

15 But if they (the disbelieving parents) strive to make the join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not (in that matter alone); yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me in the End the return of you all is to Me and I will tell you the truth of all that ye did."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

Your Question: Because I know in Islam the parents must be respected and Obeyed. But in a case like this, they wouldnt want me to marry a muslim, so I know they`d say no...What do I do? Just go off and marry him?

Beloved Sister, The Lord Most High has declared it absolutely unlawful and illegal for a believing woman to marry a disbeliever, thus if your parents command you to marry a disbeliever, their this command cannot be obeyed.

When you seek to marry a believer, you must at least try to the best of your ability to humbly, politely, with wisdom and above all with patience to seek the approval of your parents; but if after your best efforts and striving, they still do not agree, then you are well within your rights in Islam to marry the believer without their consent or permission; and you will not be held accountable in the Court of your Lord for disobeying your parents in such a situation.

Your Statement: nothing i say or do will change their minds, no matter how much i explain or how kind i put it...they are completely against it

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, never never ever lose hope or despair of the Mercy of your Lord Most Merciful. Even if your parents never accept your reversion, it is your duty as a believer to strive to the best of your ability to serve them selflessly for the rest of your (or their) life! As impossible as it may seem to you now, it may be that your Lord has Mercy on them, and through your sincere efforts softens their hearts to not only accept your decision, but perhaps even guide them towards the Truth of Al-Islam.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan