Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

salam brothr. hope this mail finds u in the best of health by the grace of allah.
i have many issues @ the moment. i am a convert into islamd, adn am married(well i think i am) to a muslim man. his mother never wanted us to be together in the first place,as he married outside the family, and she didnt agree with this. she has done many a things to break us up, and allah na kare, but i think it is working now.
we got married with his family not there, and definatly my family not there. at this time, i was living in an islamic hostel away frommy husband, as we weren`t married then. we got our nikaa donr a short while after. we had many witnesses, but no certificate. it was just all on a plain piece of paper
his mother is know saying that the marriage is harram. anothr issue that she keeps bringing up,is that when we did our nikaa, i did not no my prayer fully. i learnt it all after. she also says that the marriage is haraam and not valid due to this reason aswell. only Allah (swt) knows how much i love him, but i just dont no what to do. i think now his mother has done black magic on him. he used to be very different before. always used to take me out, spend time with me, but no i ahrdly see him anymore. i come back home, wait and wait and wait for him, ring him like mad, and then eventually go to sleep. i have a hard job and cant wait for him all night.
by the time he comes home i am always asleep.i hve waited forhim many times, but he just doesnt seem to care anymore. his mother is always telling him, and every1 else, that, `they wont be together very long i know they will break up very soon`
his older brother is going to be getting married in a couple of months, and i feel that she has also looked for a girl for my husband.
he is so confused now. he tells me himself. he cant sleep @ night, he alwyas wants to be out, he knows what his mother is doing, but says that he will never leave or stop talking to her, as she does everything for him what she thinks best. we dont live with his family becasue i just dnt think we would have lasted even this long. sumtimes he says he does want to be with me, and other times, he wants what his mother wants. i just dont know what to do.
plz could u get back to me as soon as u can, and give me ur thoughts and opinions according to the Qu`ran and Sunnah. very grateful for this. may allah bless u and keep u happy for helping people such as my self
jazak allah khere, take care

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Answer:

Marriage issues

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, when two people marry each other without the precise approval and consent of their families, it is only natural that they should expect to face such challenges and situations which might arise after their marriage. That is precisely why a marriage in Islam is just not a relationship between a man and a wife, but it is often a union between families. Beloved Sister, you and your husband have chosen to marry each other without your family’s approval; and since you and your husband both have to fulfill the rights to each other as well as to your families; both of you will have to learn to practice extreme patience, and wisdom, and have the courage to delicately balance all the rights that are due from you to your families.

Rest assured that your Lord is well aware of the exact condition of each of His slaves; and your condition is no more than a trial, which if you practice patience, Allah Subhanah will help you to improve your condition and your relationship in your marriage, Insha Allah.

Your Statement: we got our nikaa donr a short while after. we had many witnesses, but no certificate. it was just all on a plain piece of paper
his mother is know saying that the marriage is harram.

Provided that all the obligatory conditions of marriage: the wali, the proposal and acceptance, the determination of the mehr, and the presence of two witnesses were met at the time of your nikaah; rest assured that your marriage is absolutely legal and valid in the sight of Shariah and Allah Subhanah.

If all the above obligatory conditions of an Islamic marriage were met at the time of ‘nikaah’, just because someone who did not agree to the marriage says it is ‘haraam’, rest assured that their saying does not invalidate the legality of the marriage in any way in the sight of Shariah. Leave alone the certification or the plain piece of paper wherein the ‘nikaah’ was formalized, if one has fulfilled all the obligatory conditions of marriage even verbally, the marriage would be considered absolutely legal and valid in the sight of Shariah and Allah Subhanah.

Your Statement: anothr issue that she keeps bringing up,is that when we did our nikaa, i did not no my prayer fully. i learnt it all after. she also says that the marriage is haraam and not valid due to this reason aswell.

Any person who verbally declares the testimony of faith or ‘shahaadah’ and bears witness to the Truth that there is no god except Allah and Mohamed (saws) is Allah’s Messenger, enters the fold of Islam; and all the rights that are due to a believer would be accorded to them in full. It would be absolutely legal for them to marry amongst the believers, they will inherit from their believing relatives, they can visit the Sacred House of Allah, they will be given a muslim burial, etc.

Thus even if you were a new revert to Islam and did not offer your prayers, rest assured that after your declaration of the ‘shahaadah’, your nikaah to your husband would be considered absolutely valid in the sight of Shariah and Allah Subhanah.

Your Statement: i think now his mother has done black magic on him.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verse 12: O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion: for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay ye would abhor it...and fear Allah: for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.

My dear and beloved Sister in Islam, it does not behove a believer who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day to accuse someone of doing evil without the presence of absolute proof and evidence.

It is only natural that, under the present circumstances, your husband is torn between his duty and love for his parents and his duty and love towards you! Beloved Sister, have patience and try to understand his dilemma and try not to burden his heart and his mind any more than it is already burdened. As much as you love your own mother and would not allow anyone to accuse her of anything she might not have done, your husband would not take such an accusation against his beloved mother lightly in these trying circumstances.

Beloved Sister, remember that your condition is no more than a trial for you from your Lord; and if you could bring yourself to accept your condition with patience and with wisdom, keeping your full faith and trust in your Lord, rest assured that your in-laws, regardless of what they say and do during these unfortunate times, will learn to accept and honor you as their daughter-in-law and if Allah Wills and Helps you, your relationship with them will improve, Insha Allah. Accusing or blaming your husband’s mother or family for committing evil against you, or contriving to break your marriage, etc. will only add oil to the already existing fire. Thus my beloved sister in Islam, we implore you to fear Allah, have patience regardless of whatever they say or do, and keep your full trust and faith in your Lord Most Merciful Alone.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Ha-Meem berses 34-36:

34 Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (evil) with that which is better: then will he between whom and thee was hatred, become as it were thy friend and intimate!

35 And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint, none but persons of the greatest good fortune.

36 And if (at any time) an incitement to discord is made to thee by the Shaytaan, seek refuge in Allah. He is the One Who hears and knows all things.

Beloved Sister, regardless of what your in-laws might say or do against you and your marriage; if you want to improve your relationship with them and your husband, fear Allah, have patience, and bring yourself to sincerely speak only good about them. Only if you can bring yourself to act on this higher platter of understanding, patience, perseverance, and goodness; you will see that one day the people who so hate you and want to get rid of you, will Insha Allah become your sincere well-wishers. Suspicion, accusations, and hatred will only beget hatred; but sincere goodness, patience, perseverance, and wisdom will beget only love and mercy amongst each other! One is the instigation of the Shaytaan and the other is the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws); and the outcome of your actions will depend on which of the two options you wish to choose.

May Allah Subhanah make your trial easy for you, bestow upon you His Mercy, and grant you the wisdom, the patience, and the courage to choose the Path which would earn you the love of those who might currently despise you. Ameen.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan