What if parents donot fulfill their responsibilities relating to their children in all respect?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Aslam
Alaikum brother!
I am
permanet reader of Islam help online. I really appreciate your work.
Today
I have question(s) relating to parents. My english is not good enough so please
ignore if there is any grammatical or spelling mistake(s).
1.
What if parents donot fulfill their responsibilities relating to their children
in all respect?
2.
What if they creat problems for their child or/children?
3.
What if they abuse their child/children without knowing that whether he/she is
right or wrong?
4. What
if parents make their child/children`s life miserable by blaming and liying
other family members to cause to look guilty in all sense?
5.
What if they really hurt their child/children practically and verbally?
Nobody
knows who`s right but Allah knows. Please do let us know where we (me and my
younger sis) stands? Should we leave our parents as we both are happily married
and have kids to look after and facing hell lot of problems created by our
parents.
Please
please do let me know what to do? May Allah forgive us. We are afraid of the
time when we will reached to the limits. What if we loose our temperament? We
both are mentally upset and psychologically sick to find the way out. Pray for
us.
Looking
forward for your early response.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Parents unjust and
no rights
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Q-1: What if parents
donot fulfill their responsibilities relating to their children in all respect?
Q-2: What if they
creat problems for their child or/children?
Q-3: What if they
abuse their child/children without knowing that whether he/she is right or
wrong?
Q-4: What if parents
make their child/children`s life miserable by blaming and liying other family
members to cause to look guilty in all sense?
Q-5: What if they
really hurt their child/children practically and verbally?
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, it is in the very
inherent nature of parents that they unconditionally love their off-spring, are
kind and tender to them, always keep the interest and well-being of their
off-spring ahead of their own, and amongst creation, none has the capacity to
be more forgiving and more merciful to another than one’s parents to their own
off-spring. That is the inherent nature
the Lord Most Merciful has bestowed upon parents….not only is nature bestowed
by the Lord upon human beings, but even the fiercest and wildest animals like
tigers and lions are merciful and tender towards their own off-spring!
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.29 Narrated by Abu Huraira
I heard Allah's Messenger (saws) saying:
‘Allah divided Mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninety-nine parts
with Him (for the Day of Resurrection) and sent down its one part on the earth.
(And it is because of that one-part of mercy that) His creations are merciful
to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby
animal, lest it should trample on it."
Such is the veracity, reality, and actuality of this
nature of kindness and mercy of the parents towards their off-spring, that one
would be hard pressed to find even one verse in the Glorious Quran whereby the
Lord Most High has commanded the parents to be kind, loving, and merciful
towards their children!!! The very
nature of being a parent does not allow them to be abusive or evil towards
their children….
Thus if there is a parent who does not fulfill their
responsibilities towards their off-spring, or they create problems amongst
their off-spring, or they abuse their off-spring, or they intentionally make
their children’s life miserable, or they intentionally hurt their children
practically and verbally….Allah is our witness brother, such parents go against
the very nature of kindness and mercy bestowed upon them by their Lord…..and
such parents will have a severe accounting for their misdeeds in the Presence
of their Lord Most Majestic on that Tumultuous Day of Justice.
Your Questions:
Should we leave our parents as we both are happily married and have kids to
look after and facing hell lot of problems created by our parents.
Please please do let
me know what to do? May Allah forgive us. We are afraid of the time when we
will reached to the limits. What if we loose our temperament? We both are
mentally upset and psychologically sick to find the way out. Pray for us.
Looking forward for
your early response.
Beloved brother in Islam, as much as one is hard pressed to find a verse of guidance in the Glorious Quran commanding the parents to be kind and merciful towards their children…..there is a multitude of guidance available in the Glorious Quran and the Sunnah regarding the relation a righteous off-spring should have towards his parents…especially when their parents reach or approach old age!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah
Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should
not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat
your parents with great kindness; if
either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words.
Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me
up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined
on mankind (to be good) to their parents: in travail upon travail did his
mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command)
"Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his
bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Kabair’
(the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied:
"They are:--
- To
join others in worship with Allah,
- To
be undutiful to one's parents,
- To
kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the
crime of murder),
- And
to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
"Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Greatest sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger
(saws)!" He (saws) said, "To
join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's
parents."
After the rights due to Allah and His Messenger (saws), in
Islam the biggest rights in all mankind are due to one’s parents. The enormity of being undutiful to one’s
parents can be imagined by the fact that The Messenger of Allah (saws) listed
being undutiful to one’s parents as the second gravest of all the gravest sins
in Islam!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3653 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr
The Prophet (saws) said, "An
undutiful son, a gambler, one who casts up what he has given, and one
who is addicted to wine will not enter Paradise."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is
addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to
his womenfolk's adultery."
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, regardless of what your
parents do or say, regardless of whether or not they fulfill their
responsibilities towards you or not, regardless of their conduct, or character,
or condition….you as their child and one who sincerely believes in Allah and
the Last Day, should never never ever resent them, or be rude towards them, or
say unto them even a harsh word! And if
your Lord has blessed one or both your parents to reach an abject old age, and
their age has made them senile, or troublesome, or quarrelsome, or even
unreasonable….bring to remembrance the time when you were a totally and
completely helpless infant and they brought you up with kindness and
affection……thus when they reach that abject old age where after having known
and done much, they know nothing….it is precisely at this stage of their lives
when the off-spring is Commanded by their Lord to treat them with absolute and
total humility, and tenderness, and kindness, and mercy….and whatsoever their
age or their condition may make them say or do….do not even say ‘uff’ to
them…but speak to them words of humility and pray to the Lord Most Merciful to
have mercy upon them, just as they had mercy on you in your infancy.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah
Nahl verse 70:
70 It is Allah who creates you and takes your souls at death; and of
you there are some who are sent back to a feeble age so that they know
nothing after having known (much): for Allah is All-Knowing
All-Powerful.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah
Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should
not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat
your parents with great kindness; if
either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our
Lord, be merciful to them, just as they
brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
My dear and beloved brother, as troublesome and
quarrelsome old age might have made your parents…remember that this life is
only a place of test and a trial….and the honor of serving one’s parents in
their old age is an opportunity for the righteous to earn the ultimate reward
of Paradise from their Lord in the Hereafter.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your
relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated by Abu
Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be
humbled into dust! Let him be humbled
into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of his
parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter
Paradise (through his deeds of service towards them)!’
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other
than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led
astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister